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Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I would like to talk about ‘Dating Up’. What is dating up? To me dating up means dating someone who is much more attractive than yourself and or has lots of money. First, let’s discuss the money scenario:
A lot of women these days, mostly younger are looking for a Sugar Daddy. They scan a dating site for an older wealthier man that is not so attractive in order to have a chance of a better life. This has been going on for decades. A lot of older, wealthy men will date a younger beautiful young lady for the sex, companionship and eye candy. These men think they can do that because they (on paper) have the financial means to do what they want and what they want, is a young beautiful woman on their arm. The young ladies in this scenario to me are not that bright. In retrospect, a REAL QUALITY MAN wants an equal partner and someone that brings something to the table besides their looks. Generally, there are a lot of very superficial people out there and all they care about is money and looks. Hey, I am all for both but the mistake these ladies are making is they do not realize that this man probably will dump them eventually and they will be left with nothing. They have no work skills to financially make it on their own. This could be catastrophic to a young lady and in my opinion, mothers need to teach their daughters to have their own career and not to depend on a man financially. This is one form of dating up and when you see this couple in town, a lot of people will view them and say “She dated up” or “He dated up”.
The other scenario happened to me recently. I am on the dating app ‘Bumble’. I decided to try it out to see how it works and many different and crazy things have happened to me and today I want to point out this one specifically. In this case I met the guy on Bumble, he is a Firemen who lives down the street from me coincidentally. He was very pleasant on the phone and planned a really fun upcoming date but was not that attractive to me. He had never been married and no children. We spoke and planned our date. Now, do not get the wrong impression, I did not know this guy and he was not attractive to me but he was very nice on the phone and so I thought I would give him a chance. He was ‘dating up’ by dating me, physically. As Patty Stanger always warns about men that “Lead with their Money’, this was definitely the case.
This fireman pulled out all of the stops for me. It was VIP treatment all the way all night with this guy which was very nice. He wanted to impress me with his money since he could clearly see the attraction was not there on my part.
During the evening (We went to a Hockey Game), he drank a lot. I had some alcohol too because well, I thought I would have a good time even though I knew the chemistry wasn’t there. He proceeded to ask me several times if I would spend the night with him throughout the evening and my response was no. He kept drinking. I understand on a lot of first dates especially with a man who is dating up, he gets nervous and needs the liquid courage. I get it and it happens. I felt like he thought he had bought me for the night in other words, I felt like an escort instead of feeling like a friend and someone he would like to get to know. Frankly, he really didn’t care to even talk to me much he was texting on his phone the entire evening which is very rude and a big red flag. Ladies and Gentlemen, Dating Rule 101, PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY on a date!
He then proceeded to place his hand on my A$$ like we were an item or I was an escort. Very rude again. In part, this is the kind of guy that dates up and thinks he can get away with these things because he has a lot of money. Money does not impress me. Manners, respect and common courtesy impresses me. He also became very jealous and did not hide that emotion (which is not good for you guys out there). It showed his insecurity and is not a good look. I honestly felt like he thought I owed it to him to do whatever he asked because he took me on such a VIP date. This is in no way how to treat a lady or how to impress a lady.
The night ended badly. We got in his car and he stopped being the gentlemen he was when we first started out the evening. All manners out the window. In his defense, he was buzzed and did drink too much but that is still no excuse really. He drove home, I slept. I figured I better fall asleep because if I didn’t the conversation wasn’t going to go well.
It was about a 30 minute drive home. I woke up when we got off the freeway which is really close to my place. I guided him to my building and got out of the car and shut the door. I went to turn around to wave a friendly goodbye, but he then proceeded to skid backwards in the cul-de-sac at about 30mph like a little spoiled brat who didn’t get his way.
I got into my condo and fell asleep only to wake up in the morning to two text messages from him. The first one was at 12:22 am and it read:
“Thank you for coming tonight. I don’t think we are a match but I did have fun and I wish you the best with two smiley icons”. (This was good news to me because no, we were not a match).
Then at 10:02 am, I received the second one that read:
“Hey, I did have fun. I had a bit too much to drink and didn’t mean we aren’t a match. I would love to see u again... Have a great day...” (SMDH)
Ok, Passive Aggressive and full of Drama… I don’t do this…. I replied back with a nice polite little “I think we should be friends”. I have not heard from him again thankfully.
Lots of lessons learned here and I myself even messed this up BIG TIME.
I am not very happy with myself for not having better judgement than to allow him to drive me home. This will never happen again.
Please let me know your thoughts and contact me at Linda@LindasDateList.com