Welcome to Linda's Date List Blog!
Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I would like to talk about Divorces, Relationships and Online Dating. When is the right time to put yourself out there on a dating site and start your life over? That is the million dollar question! I am not sure how to answer that question exactly except to say I think it varies from person to person and the circumstances of the relationship. I know some women that are or were in abusive marriages/relationships. The men tell them 1) You're ugly and no one else will want you. 2) You are LUCKY to be with me. 3) No man will ever want you. This is exactly what my X told me. I actually believed him for a long time! CRAZY! He said I would NEVER find anyone that treats me as good as he does. In that case, I may as well just marry anyone because anyone would treat me better! Cheating, Lying, Deceit and any kind of Abuse do not belong in a healthy relationship or marriage. It's only when you finally get out that you realize how bad things were.
The reason the men tell the women these things is because they are in so much fear, denial and they feel guilty thinking about all of the horrible things they have done and they are afraid that you will find someone else that will treat you better. Now, I hope and pray that these women can get out of their bad marriage and relationship but this is simply not the case with some women. They are just so depleted that they do not have the strength to get out and their friends and family are so sick and tired of hearing all of the gory details that eventually they give up trying to help. Sometimes the women feel like they cannot support themselves either. I believe that all women need to have a trade that they can fall back on to support themselves, I call it a "Plan B". Unfortunately, you always need a "Plan B" just in case "life happens" and things do not go as planned.
Did I get bitter? Yes, I did. It is not an easy thing to go through and I do get bitter and mad now and then because of what our marriage could have been, what it was supposed to be. My X told me that we would never divorce and he would always try counseling or whatever it takes to get the help we need to make our marriage work. We did try counseling but my X would not give up his old life and old girlfriends. That was a deal breaker for me. He always "wanted his cake and eat it to" so to speak. I finally had enough of it and asked for a divorce. I got out and picked myself up again but without God, friends and family I would have never made it! Luckily my kids were adults and my X was not their father so I did not have to feel "Guilty" for taking them away from the marriage. They were never really in it, I kept them out of it as much as I could because deep down inside I knew it was the best thing to do for them and I was right. Always listen to your intuition, it is always right!
Did I get over it? Yes, but it took years. Not months, weeks or days but YEARS! You have to absolutely give yourself time to heal and get your self respect and self confidence back. How do you do it? You start by being good to yourself for a change. What I did was I got a job and reconnected with my friends and family. I started helping people that needed help and being of service to people. To get your self respect and self confidence back you need to start being good to yourself and others. I started working out and going out with friends. I go to the movies and Travel. I even started "Paddle boarding and writing books. I got back to the Online Dating scene only to find out that I was not ready yet. I definitely believe that you should not put yourself out there on Online Dating Sites until you are emotionally ready.
Today my life is AWESOME! I am very happy and my dreams are coming true. I just wrote my first book and it is available on this page and also on Amazon.com. It is my story of what I found out on these Online Dating sites, how most everyone lies about important things. It is called "The Top 10 Things People Lie About On Online Dating Sites And Why". "What Every Online Dater Needs To Know". I am in process of my next book and life is GREAT!
If you are in a bad relationship or marriage and it cannot be fixed, get out while you are still able no matter what it takes. It will always take awhile to get over it but the rewards are worth it in the end. I am not saying that it is easy because it isn't. It is probably the hardest thing to get over but life goes on and if there is Abuse, Addiction or Adultery then you owe it to yourself to get out while you can. Anything else can be worked on I believe. I even forgave the infidelity but my X did some terrible unforgivable things to me after our separation that there was no sense in going back.
These days I put one foot in front of the other and sometimes I even take a step back, but I keep on looking forward and I can finally see the light!