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Is Facebook Sabotaging Your Relationship? By Linda

Hello readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about Facebook and Social Media in general. Facebook basically has become a dating site. I get friend requests from men all the time and their Facebook Profile picture looks like an Online Dating site, even their little intro mirrors an Online Dating Site. I am sure all of you would agree with me on this one.

Can this ruin your relationship? YES… it certainly can. Facebook along with Online Dating is very addictive. All of us have many friends on Facebook and sure I have been hit up by single, married and in-between men all the time. I have fun with the married ones though. LOL, I look up their wives, take all the screenshots and send an instant message to them. Sorry, not sorry… The most hilarious thing is most of my Facebook friends know I am a dating coach and blogger and that I should not be underestimated. I do all of my homework trust me when I get hit on.


The single guys I am ok with. The in-between are the guys that are messaging you and flirting with others at the same time. Let’s face it, not everyone is who they say they are. So what happens if you are in a relationship with someone (not just dating) but an actual monogamous relationship? Should you flirt with other people or show the “LOVE” emoji or is just a “LIKE” ok?

My opinion is this and should not surprise you at all but of course, if you are in a committed relationship you should never be flirting with the opposite sex on Facebook for the obvious reason that your Girlfriend or Boyfriend will see it and that is going to cause major problems. Just don’t do it if you are in a committed relationship. What happens if you see this happening? Well, my opinion is that you run as fast as you can. This should never happen. If you let it happen, then you deserve what you get.

Let’s talk about the in-between guys and gals and the difference between “just dating” and a “committed relationship”. HUGE DIFFERENCE and the choice is up to you. If you are flirting or dating someone and see that he or she is flirting or dating someone at the same time, this is all up to you. You can choose to walk away (which I recommend) to escape any future drama or you can just let it ride and see who wins? Me, I walk away immediately. These days people are crazy and I do not want to be involved in a love triangle besides if the guy or girl is flirting or dating two people at the same time, why would you even want to compete? Let’s think this through a little. If you are not in a committed relationship, you have no idea what the guy or gal is doing. They could be having sex with the other person and still flirting with you. To me, this is a no brainer. We all need to be really careful with all these STD’s out there.

My experience has been (and I have been that girl fighting for a guy), lesson learned, it is just not worth it. Right from the get-go, you can see what kind of person this is. There are millions of guys and gals on Dating Sites and I include Facebook as a Dating Site now so why would you even go any further?

What if you are friends with a guy or girl who are dating exclusively and you are friends with both of them on Facebook and one of them, let’s say the female “unfriends” you unexpectedly? To me, this is a RED FLAG. This person is insecure or does not want you to see if they are flirting with other people while being in a committed relationship with your friend. It’s one or the other for sure. What do you do if this is your friend? Well, I think just let it go but before you do, make sure you let your friend know what happened and that is their issue to deal with.

I have married friends that do not even have Facebook accounts. This is an excellent option to save you from any drama.

Let’s just Bottom Line this right now.

  1. If you are in a committed relationship, do not flirt with the opposite sex on Facebook or maintain an Online Dating Profile.
  2. If you are just dating an in-between person, that’s up to you but I just walk away gracefully.
  3. If you get hit on by a married person, notify the husband or wife because they need to know and what they do with it is their problem but do not entertain it. Walk Away, unfriend and block.

I would love to hear your comments so contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Follow me on Facebook at Lindasdatelist.com

Follow me on Twitter @lindasdatelist

Follow me on Instagram @lindasdatelist

Check out my books on Amazon – The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why

The Top 10 Things People Lie About On Online …(Paperback) or Kindle

Nowhere to Hide, my true story of Sexual Assault and Sexual Harassment

Nowhere to Hide: My True Story of Sexual Hara… (Paperback) or Kindle

My newest book will be out very soon, my best yet…..

XOXO,

Linda

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WHAT IS IT ABOUT FIREMEN? By Linda

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about Firemen. Now, this is not my first blog about Fireman for sure. You can search for Firemen on my site and find the others if you like. This one is a little different than the others, hang on to your seats.

Recently I received a new Entry to my “Home Page” about a Fireman. Note that I receive 100’s of emails weekly about different men and women but in this case, I did not receive an email, just an entry.

Just what is it about a Man in Uniform? I don’t know but for myself, I actually think the Firemen are handsome and of course they look fantastic in uniform right? When I see them at the Grocery Store, for example, it turns my ordinary shopping trip into more of an adventure even my elderly Mother gets excited when she sees them. I think it may be the fact that 75% of them are fit, handsome and very friendly and who doesn’t love a man who is there to “rescue you”?

Here is the deal with these firemen though. They are mostly players and cheaters. It’s a common fact and every woman knows the stereotype so WHY OH WHY do we keep going back? When I see one on an online dating site, I always respond back to them if they message me. I know 100% that this is probably not going to end well but I do it anyway. UGH, most women do. Even when you flat out tell them about the stereotype and they deny it, “I am not that way”, “We get a bad rap”, “I am not a cheater” etc.… Do we buy it? I think as a woman we go into it being very skeptical BUT when they are so charming and good looking it is very hard to push away.

Why are Firemen like this? Obviously, because they can get away with it, that’s why. It doesn’t take a Rocket Scientist to figure this out. Here’s the deal, I absolutely believe that you can date a Fireman but you need to not be “Hypnotized” and ignore their bad behavior and excuses, in other words, do NOT IGNORE THE RED FLAGS.

Hypothetically, let’s just say you are dating a Fireman and everything is going great. Maybe he lives quite a distance from your home so you end up driving to his place most of the time. OK. Everything is peachy according to you. Maybe you have a conversation after so long that you become exclusive. OK. This means you both agree to not date, or sleep or have any Friends with Benefits while you are figuring out if you want to perhaps spend the rest of your life with this Fireman? OK. Let’s just pretend that it has gone this far and so far so good according to you and him. Since most Firemen live so far from where they work and maybe it’s not close to our place they can pretty much do anything while you are not around. Let’s face it, you are a busy woman and you just cannot be with him 24/7 and the fact he works for days at a time doesn’t help so you meet when it is convenient to him. OK.

Here are some RED FLAGS that you definitely should not ignore.

  1. He has other women’s things at his place and blames it on an ex-wife or girlfriend? Ok, if that is the case, WHY are they still there? Dude, if this is on the up and up, throw them away. Why do you keep them around? Hmmm. Ladies, please ask yourself this question, WHY? There really is no excuse and I will tell you WHY he doesn’t get rid of other women’s things. BECAUSE when you are not there, he has other women over... Do NOT IGNORE THIS RED FLAG!
  2. Maybe you are there so much and in an exclusive relationship so you politely ask, hey, can I have a drawer or part of your closet because it is a pain you know to drag your things over there and then drag them back every few days. This is a very reasonable request and frankly, you should not have to ask, he should offer and make it very comfortable for you. If you ask and he says no, hmmm ask yourself, WHY NOT? I can tell you WHY not. He has other women over when you are not there, that’s why. Another RED FLAG to NOT IGNORE.
  3. Let’s just say, you let #1 and #2 go because he is so charming and you are in love and he says he loves you, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL! There MUST be a very good and reasonable reason why #1 and #2 is something he won’t compromise with. I am SMH right now because I am even guilty of this but not with a Fireman.
  4. Let’s say you start getting really serious and combining your family into his for Holidays and special events. Linda’s rule is this, do not involve your children or family into your relationship for at least a year. Everyone is on their best behavior for the first 6 months. Your family and your kids get attached and if this doesn’t end well, this will hurt your family and kids.
  5. Let’s just say that you get wind of something that he is dating someone else? What do you do? Maybe it is someone you know? Hmmm… This tells me a couple of things. How does he have time to meet someone else and this also tells me he is still on a dating site, just hiding his profile and contacting other women. After all, you can still hide your profile and contact other women or possibly maybe he is on a different site than the one you met him on? Let me tell you, ladies, this happens ALL the time Firemen or NOT. If you both agree to be exclusive and he is still on a dating site. WALK AWAY. This Fireman is just like the others period.

The old saying really applies here, “Once a Cheater, ALWAYS A CHEATER”. Do not listen to his excuses or his so-called regrets. These Firemen do not change. I am not sure if they have a sex addiction or maybe they have been doing this their entire life? A good question to ask is “What ended your marriage”? If they come clean that they cheated, that is a positive sign. If they tell you some other story that doesn’t make sense, that is not good.

Ladies, with all men including Firemen, if something they say or do does not make sense, they are LYING and DECEIVING YOU. Always listen to your GUT instinct it will never steer you wrong. Refer to #1 and #2. These are RED FLAGS from the get-go that you should never ignore. If you continue the relationship, you will just end up with an even WORSE broken heart. They are simply NOT WORTH IT.

The best thing to do here is realizing that when you are dating a FIREMAN, expect these things to happen and if you ignore the signs, you WILL GET YOUR HEART-BROKEN!

My last and final statement in this blog is this: “Some Men are just men you dated that broke your heart”. Just because you fell in love doesn’t mean they will change. He is just another guy you dated that broke your heart. Give yourself time to heal and you WILL get over it, I promise.

 

From my mother , 

I think firemen are great as long as they are  on a calender. You  can even touch one, if you get mad,  just turn the page to another month and  start all over. Chances  are 1 in 12 will be ok.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ5ekrizs-8

I would love your feedback on this, please contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Coming soon for men and women are my two new books, “The Top 10 RED FLAGS to NEVER IGNORE WHILE DATING”.

XOXO,

Linda

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Has the #MeToo Movement Ruined Online Dating? By Linda

Hello readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about the #METOO movement and Online Dating. Do you think that the #METOO has affected the Online Dating Industry? I don’t think that the Online Dating industry has lost any members due to it but I do think it has made a lot of men very cautious. In fact, it has been my experience that men are asking a lot of questions that they normally would not.

I have had men ask me if it is ok to call me beautiful or does that offend me. I have to laugh or I will just cry. It is SAD that a man has to ask to be a MAN and be CHIVALROUS when speaking to a lady. REALLY? Has the #METOO movement made men afraid to treat a woman like a lady? What I mean by that is men should not be afraid to open the door, bring flowers, and pay for the date etc. in order to not OFFEND a FEMINIST!

Let’s be CLEAR about what the #METOO is all about.

The #MeToo movement (or #MeToo movement), with many local and international alternative names, is a movement against sexual harassment and sexual assault.[1][2][3] #Me Too spread virally in October 2017 as a hashtag on social media in an attempt to demonstrate the widespread prevalence of sexual assault and harassment, especially in the workplace.[4][5][6] It followed soon after the sexual abuse allegations against Harvey Weinstein.[7][8] Tarana Burke, an American social activist, and community organizer began using the phrase "Me Too" as early as 2006, and the phrase was later popularized by American actress Alyssa Milano, on Twitter in 2017. Milano encouraged victims of sexual harassment to tweet about it and "give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem".[9][10] This was met with the success that included but was not limited to high-profile posts from several American celebrities, including Gwyneth Paltrow,[11] Ashley Judd,[12] Jennifer Lawrence,[13] and Uma Thurman.[14]

The actresses mentioned above are all feminists. I am not saying they are wrong by any means. We all know this is a real and dangerous issue not only in Hollywood but to anyone including men. I am just saying that unless you are a predator, then this should really not apply to the general way a man should treat a lady on a date.

I am not a feminist in any way. I want to be treated and respected like the lady I am. I say go back to the ’50s and re-learn how men treated ladies back then and there will be fewer break-ups. I don’t care what some feminists say, they all want to be treated right. Or, maybe they are just pro- #METOO when it suits them? Like in the workplace? Hey, I am all about respect and boundaries in and out of the workplace but men should not be afraid to be MEN! In fact, (no offense to the men out there) I am finding that it is extremely hard to find a MANLY MAN these days. Most of them are older and wiser because this is how they were brought up. The younger men are now being groomed to act more like the way the world is today instead of the old-fashioned way.

A sad fact is there are a lot of Single Mothers raising little boys all alone with no father figure in the home which attributes to a lot of men not really knowing how to treat a lady and vice-versa.  Attention Single Mothers and Single Fathers raising young men and young women, since there is no father or mother around, it is your responsibility to teach your young boys and girls how to treat girls and how to treat boys! Yes, men need to be respected too. This is not a one-sided opinion.

I was that single girl once but I taught my son manners, pump the gas, open the doors, help me bring in the groceries, talk to a lady in a respectful way etc. By the way, my son still does all of these things for me.

I learned this from my father who lived it and taught me how I should be treated by a man. This also applies to Single Mothers and Single Fathers raising young ladies. You need to teach them how to respect themselves and how to respect men too. Just think if this was happening in every single-parent household how much better Online Dating would be.

HERE IS WHAT MEN ARE THINKING - Should I pay for the date? Should I open the door or pull out her chair? Can I hold her hand as we are crossing the street? Can I call her pretty or beautiful without offending her or is that sexual harassment? GIVE ME A BREAK! To me and to a real Man this is a no-brainer. I am 100% in favor of the old-fashioned way.  Below are some facts that are definitely a #METOO Violation:

According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics:

Rape - Forced sexual intercourse including both psychological coercion as well as physical force. Forced sexual intercourse means penetration by the offender(s). Includes attempted rapes, male as well as female victims, and both heterosexual and same-sex rape. Attempted rape includes verbal threats of rape.

Sexual assault - A wide range of victimizations, separate from rape or attempted rape.  These crimes include attacks or attempted attacks generally involving unwanted sexual contact between victim and offender.  Sexual assaults may or may not involve force and include such things as grabbing or fondling.  It also includes verbal threats.

According to statista.com:

The reported forcible rape rate in the United States from 1990 to 2017. In 2017, the nationwide rate was 30.7 cases per 100,000 of the population. The total number of rape cases in the United States stood at 99,856 in 2017.

Below are some General Rules that both sexes should follow when online dating.

  1. Men- It is OK to pay for the date. In fact, I highly recommend a man pays for the date.
  2. Men- It is OK to open the door for the lady, just don’t grab her in an inappropriate way as she walks through.
  3. Men- It is OK to pull the chair out while dining. In fact, I highly recommend it not just because it is a sweet gesture and other men and women will take notice. Maybe you are inspiring another person to act like this. THUMBS UP!
  4. Men- It is OK to tell a lady she is pretty or beautiful. Just don’t say sexy if you do not know her yet. To me, that is just classless. Sexy implies to me that we have been intimate.
  5. Men and Women- The general rules apply like NO is still NO! (Non-negotiable) Just respect the lady and treat her as such and it will get a man much further.
  6. Men- Slipping a drug in your dates drink in order to have sex (COSBY) is not only illegal but totally unacceptable!

WARNING!  Ladies, never leave your drink alone and go to the restroom with a guy you just met. DON’T DO IT. Finish your drink first or take it with you. Better to be safe than sorry. If you finish your drink and go to the restroom and he asks if you want another, tell him you haven’t decided yet. Do not let him order a drink without you there.

DON’T BE “THAT WOMAN”!

Then you have the women who are DESPERATE and they will let any guy treat her in any way just to get attention. This is not OK, especially in the Online Dating world. In my opinion, there are too many women on Online Dating sites that do not respect themselves and therefore will put up with bad behavior from men. This makes it very hard for the ladies who are looking to be treated with respect.

A Clear example is a Dick Pic. Some women have told me that they are OK with this. Really? I don’t get it? Sending an unsolicited Dick Pic to a lady is just plain wrong and rude. In my mind, the only women that PRETEND to like this are women with no respect for themselves and low self-esteem who are willing to overlook this and act excited in order to get a date. I am not sure you would even call it a date if you go out with a guy that does this. Pretty much they will have sex the first time they meet a guy like this and if you are a woman who encourages Dick Pic’s then don’t complain that a guy doesn’t respect you or doesn’t call you back except for a booty call! I don’t want to hear it. Now, this would clearly be a violation to the #METOO people for sure. Then again, if you are dating someone and in a relationship, by all means, send a Dick Pic if requested. Two completely different scenarios.

DATE RAPE:

According to youthspecialties.com:

10 FACTS ABOUT DATE RAPE

  1. Date Rape is forced or coerced sex between; partners, dates, friends, friends of friends or general acquaintances. (The actual definition of date rape for legal purposes may vary from state to state, but generally involves any attempts or actual act of forcing someone to have any type of sex against their will or drugging the date so that the victim no longer has the capacity to resist or say “no.”)
  2. Date Rape can be coerced both physically and emotionally – some emotional tactics include; threats to reputation, threats to not like you, name-calling, saying you “brought it on” or “really want it”, threats to break up and threats to say you did it even if you didn’t.
  3. If a person has had too much to drink or is on drugs they cannot consent to sex and having sex with them is legally rape.
  4. There are certain date rape drugs that render the victim unconscious and limit memory; using these drugs on somebody carries harsher penalties than date rape and is a federal crime with a possible 20-year sentence. (See: 1996 Drug-Induced Rape Prevention and Punishment Act)
  5. Rohypnol, GHB, ActiveSeX, Roofies, Ruffies, Roche, R-2, Rib and Rope are all names describing a date rape drug. These drugs are odorless and tasteless and difficult to detect when in drinks or mixed with other drugs.
  6. Date rape drugs may be difficult to trace but evidence of intercourse is not, and in cases where the use of these drugs is suspected, evidence of rape standards are lower.
  7. If you don’t want to have sex, say NO like you mean it and fight it off if you have to – despite urban myths, people who fight off a rapist are more likely to stop the rape.
  8. Date Rape is the most common form of rape (78%) with 1 in 4 girls expected to fall victim to rape or attempted rape before they reach 25, and 3 out of 5 rapes occurring before a woman reaches age 18.
  9. Although girls are more often victims of rape, guys are not safe – they can be raped too.
  10. NO MEANS NO! If a person says no to sex (no matter how quietly or unconvincingly) and you go ahead with it anyway, that is rape.
  11. EXTRA FACT: Revenge porn is a real thing and is now an illegal act, punishable by fines and possible jail time.
  12. EXTRA, EXTRA FACT: If digital media is shared depicting sex acts, and one participant is a legal minor, the sender just committed a crime by sending child porn and can be charged as a sex crime, meaning the sender can become a registered sex offender.

DATE RAPE VICTIMS SHOULD IMMEDIATELY TAKE THESE STEPS:

  • Call the police to report the rape. Many rapists continue to rape until they’re caught. Reporting the crime can help stop the rapist from victimizing others.
  • Call a rape crisis hotline to talk with a counselor. If you don’t know a local number, call the national hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
  • As soon as possible, get to the emergency room for a rape kit exam. Don’t shower, wash, douche, or change clothes. Valuable evidence could be destroyed.
  • Call a trusted friend or relative you can talk to. Don’t isolate yourself, don’t try to suppress your feelings, and don’t try to ignore it.
  • Get counseling to help deal with the emotional trauma. If you don’t know where to go, call your local public health department. They can refer you.

In short, just be a good guy. Be respectful to the lady you are speaking with. Do not put sexual content in your online dating profile like “must love sex”. All people on online dating sites know that if they meet someone they like, they may want to be intimate and we do not need to be reminded in your profile. This honestly turns most women off because it simply puts too much pressure on a woman and most will not respond to you for this very fact.

By all means, be chivalrous. Think back to what men did in the ’50s. I promise you a real lady will appreciate this and respect you for it.

FACT:  Men want Respect and Women want Security. (Security meaning feeling secure not necessarily monetary).

I would love to hear your feedback. Leave me a comment or email me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

Posted by on in Blog
Ghosting? Tinder Dating "The Phil Effect"

The Phil Effect - Episode 11 GHOSTING plus, would you date a Pregnant girl??

Too funny..

@Effect_Phil - Twitter - https://twitter.com/effect_phil

Follow Phil on his new Facebook Page -

The Phil Effect  https://www.facebook.com/thephileffect27/

Phil's BLOG https://thephileffect27.blogspot.com/2018/08/the-phil-effect.html?m=1

 

https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-11

XOXOXO,

Linda

Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

 

 

Linda's New Podcast with The Phil Effect! What to Say and Not to Say on the First Message!

So here it is The Phil Effect Episode 10 with Linda. Her advice could be the difference between you sitting in on a Saturday watching The Notebook on your own or meeting the love of your life online.

@Effect_Phil            AKA “The Phil Effect” on Twitter

Hello Readers, Linda here. Phil from the Phil Effect and (Lindasdatelist.com) are teaming up together to talk about the Online Dating Struggles that people are going through. It is a great collaboration because Phil is from Dublin, Ireland and is 28 years old and fairly new to the Online Dating scene. Myself, I am 51 and have been on the Online Dating scene for about 15 years and I am in Southern California.

Our Podcast’s give the listener a very unique perspective due to the difference in age and we both bring new and exciting stories, advice and ideas to the table.

Phil is a new up and coming Podcaster who dares to share his dating stories to his listeners and it is always informative and very funny. Phil is 28 and lives in Dublin, Ireland, worker and college student. His unique personality is catching on globally and he is becoming very popular.

His and our Podcasts are a great listen while you are working out or on the subway or train on your way to your destination. Follow Phil on Twitter @Effect_Phil

Please take a listen and let us know your feedback and any ideas that you may want us to discuss! WE ARE LISTENING!

You can send your ideas to @Effect_Phil on twitter or Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Below is the link to the latest podcast!

Enjoy!

https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-10?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=twitter

Also, don’t forget to check out my book “The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why” What Every Online Dater Needs to Know!

https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

XOXOXO,

Linda

Posted by on in Blog
The Phil Effect - Episode 9!

https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-9

Hello Readers, Linda here. I’ll be returning to the @phil_effect on Monday, July 30th! In the meantime, below is Phil’s Episode 9!

Had a bad day? Need a good giggle Have a listen to The Phil Effect and tell people to have a listen as well. We need to spread more funny stories in my opinion.

#funny #laugh #Edinburgh #Australia #SoundCloud #Podcast #Dating #Love #Positivity 

soundcloud.com/thephileffect/…

UPDATE * NEW USERS ADDED - Free Username Search on Lindasdatelist.com (See what other people said about your potential date)

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about my FREE Search Site for Online Dating. You can Check Your Date before you go out for FREE or Add a Free listing about your date for the next person.

Report someone dangerous so that the next person can find out before they go. I have often heard Online Daters say to me "I wish there was a website where I could go and look a person up before I go out" well, I have created one and it's FREE. You can search by Username and Dating Site.

You can check on the "HOME" page for this information. http://lindasdatelist.com/home

 

Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Please check it out so that we can all help each other! http://lindasdatelist.com/

xoxo, Linda

Order my book "The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why" What Every Online Dater Needs to Know"  https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

 

UPDATE*  LAGuy100_ Faces 13 Years In Prison! Dine & Dash Online Dater Strikes Again – By Linda

Latest update! He appeared in court and faces 13 years in prison! Check this out! 

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/08/28/los-angeles-alleged-dine-and-dash-dater-faces-13-years-prison/1123963002/

 

Hello readers, Linda here. In the news recently was a story about a guy named Paul Gonzales. Apparently, he was recently on the Bumble Dating App. It has been reported that he has two BENCH WARRANTS out for his arrest as of 5/3/2018, one for Petty Theft and the other for a Driver’s License Violation. Today I am writing about how to avoid a Dangerous Person like this. Keep in mind, this does happen on both sides, Male and Female.

When you are dating online, you really need to be very cautious and cover all of your bases. I call it “SCREENING”. You must first and foremost SCREEN your potential dates. Here is the very first thing that you should do.

  1. GOOGLE THEIR NAME -

Never go out with anyone unless you know their first and last name. Even if you are just meeting for coffee. You never know how things can turn out. Once you get their name, google them. In this case with Paul Gonzales, if you google his name, this is what comes up. http://canoe.com/news/crime/notorious-dine-and-dash-dater-strikes-again-near-los-angeles

On Google, it clearly shows his picture. There are many articles about this guy. This would be a huge RED FLAG that you should not ever talk to or meet this person. You can also google their phone number… FYI

Unfortunately, you have to be diligent in doing your homework before you go out. There are no exceptions! Even if you are a Facebook Friend, Co-Worker or High School friend, you still need to google them. In many cases, you may think you know this person but have no idea what this person has been up to. For your own safety, you must do this. I have interviewed a woman who has dated someone from high school that they have not spoken to for many years only to be physically and mentally abused. If this woman would have googled him, she would have seen his arrest records on google and avoided all of the pain and suffering. The same applies to males.

**VERY IMPORTANT - GO TO http://www.meganslaw.com/ TO SEARCH THEIR NAME TO CHECK TO SEE IF THEY ARE A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER! **

  1. SCREEN YOUR DATES –

What I mean by ‘Screening your dates’ is this: On a first meeting, you should meet during the day for coffee, ice-cream, yogurt, a nice walk on the beach etc.. IF your date does not agree and suggests dinner instead, this might be a RED FLAG!

For example, I have a friend who met a girl and suggested a drink and dancing. His date suggested a five-star restaurant instead for the first meeting. Now, this could be a sign that this date is just wanting a free din din…. This happens a lot so that is why I am bringing it up. You do not want to be involved with a woman who suggests such an extravagant outing on a first date. (Unfortunately, there are men and women out there dating just for a free meal)

It is obvious of what you can be sure she expects in the future and frankly it is just RUDE. This is why I suggest day dates. So, this would be a way for a guy to Screen his date. If I were a guy and this happened to me, I would not go out with this person. On the other hand, if you are a female and going out with a guy and he suggests dinner on the first date, I would not recommend you agree to that. It might sound great and fun but what if you get there and you do not like the guy? This has happened to my own daughter. She got to the restaurant and the guy was not at all what she thought. She was stuck sitting there sharing a meal with a guy polar opposite of what she was looking for and expecting. Day dates are easier to escape from and you can keep it short. Never more than one or two hours for a first meeting.

  1. ALWAYS MEET IN A PUBLIC PLACE WITH YOUR OWN TRANSPORTATION –

 Never let anyone pick you up at your residence even if you know this person. Always drive your own vehicle or UBER. You never know how a date or ‘meet and greet’ is going to turn out so you must be prepared. You must have an exit strategy. In the case mentioned with Paul Gonzales, he would suggest dinner out with a lady, order whatever he wanted, finish his meal then excuse himself to make a phone call and then dash (disappear) leaving the female with the dinner tab. Now, let’s just say that as a female, you are expecting the guy to pay (AS YOU SHOULD) so you do not worry about it. What if you do not have the cash or any credit cards on you? Then what? This is why you always have your own transportation and your own money just in case. If for some reason on both sides you do not have the finances to date, then, by all means, stay home and better yourself or your financial situation before going out into the dating world. Ideally, you want to meet someone that has their life together as much as possible. Refer to my recent blog “Who Pays for the Date” for more information and tips. http://lindasdatelist.com/blog/entry/who-pays-for-the-date-by-linda.html

  1. I RECOMMEND A DAY DATE WHEN MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME –

When meeting someone for the very first meeting, it should be a day date if at all possible and it IS always possible. Very easily things can get out of control during a night date. What I mean by this is, you two may be getting along really great and the date could go into the late hours. This brings up many of my ‘Linda’s Rules’ where it is very easy to start drinking and then the next thing you know the guy or girl is at your home and you may do something you will regret. Even worse is you may get a little drunk and be taken advantage of, raped, physically hurt or dead. You must also consider that you may get a stalker on your hands… this is very possible and you, yourself did it because you revealed where you live…..  YES, THIS REALLY HAPPENS!

It is always best to avoid the first meeting at night to keep yourself safe. Let’s just say this happens where you both end up in bed and have drunk sex, you will wake up and it will be a very uncomfortable situation for both parties. It’s best to avoid alcohol on the first date or meeting completely. I know many people will say that you are both adults (yadda, yadda, yadda) but, trust and believe that you do not want to start any kind of relationship by jumping into bed on the first date. This is never a good idea. Both of you will both wonder if the other person does this often. This is not a good feeling to have and is in no way a good start to anything except maybe an unwanted pregnancy, STD or a broken heart. Refer to my blog “Ladies Set Your Boundaries” for more tips on this subject. http://lindasdatelist.com/blog/entry/ladies-set-your-boundaries-one-night-stands-by-linda.html

  1. TAKE YOUR TIME AND GET TO KNOW THE PERSON –

I recommend that everyone just slow down and take the time to get to know someone. Dating is tricky and it is best to really get to know someone. You should start out as friends first because we all know that when the newness wears off, all you have is companionship and friendship.

Make sure you are making good healthy decisions for YOU. It’s all about YOU in the beginning. Remember, it’s not if the other person likes you, it’s if you like the other person. This is especially true for the ladies. Many ladies are always analyzing if he likes me… and I should change myself or my life to accommodate his. This is the worst thing anyone can do. You must first have your own life, family, kids, work, hobbies, friends and you should never conform to or change your life too much to ‘make him happy’. Ladies, this is a huge mistake. A guy that is worth it, will respect that fact that you have your own life and priorities and that he is not your life! Don’t give up your family, friends, hobbies etc. to spend time with him.

A good relationship is the combination of two lives, two people coming together at the right time. Don’t try and hurry anything and get to know the person. If it is meant to be, you both will find time to spend together and see if you are a match.

Most importantly, a great relationship is made up of two really good “FORGIVERS”. No one is perfect and your guy or girl is going to upset you once in a while or say or do something to rattle the relationship unknowingly of course sometimes. You must be a good forgiver and always put yourself in the other person shoes…. This will put things into perspective for both of you. (COMMUNICATE)

I am in no way saying that if the person cheats, steals or in any way is abusive that you must forgive. The very opposite is true. Never, EVER allow yourself to be cheated on or abused in any way. If this happens, you should walk away or RUN AWAY immediately, do not pass go, do not collect your $200.00….

I would love to hear your feedback on my blog so please leave a comment or email me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

Don't forget to check out my book "The Top 10 Things People Lie About On Online Dating Sites and Why" What Every Online Dater Needs to Know! https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

Below is the link to the story on Paul Gonzales….

https://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2017/03/15/serial-dash-and-dine-dater-strikes-again/

Posted by on in Blog
Who Pays For the Date? By Linda

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about “Who pays for the date”? There are many scenarios that I can write about pertaining to this subject but I want to keep this very basic for now.

Let’s pretend that a Guy you meet online asks you out for a date. You like him so you say ok. Now, in this case, I always recommend this (Linda’s rule) to say you want to be friends first and then see where it goes, if anywhere.

Now, let’s just say he agreed to start out friends first which is great. You do a couple of daytime friend’s things at first which he volunteer’s to pay for, however; always do your own driving to meet him. If he asks you to go Dutch and he is pursuing you, do not go out with the guy again. If you are pursuing him, and I do NOT EVER recommend this, then you can go Dutch but trust me, ladies, if a guy likes you, he will pursue you. Men are known hunters and it is in their DNA to hunt you down so to speak. Do not chase a guy. A good example is, do you ever notice the guys you are not interested in just will not give up???? The obvious reason is that you are not chasing them down.

Then there’s that one night where things change from friendship to dating. Let me repeat. You are NOT dating until after he tells you he wants to be more than friends and you AGREE. Ok. So, after friendship, it evolves to “DATING”. JUST DATING. Not dating exclusively, but dating. Now, let me explain something to make it very clear. When you start dating someone, you still may date other people UNLESS you have “That Conversation”, you know the one where you BOTH decide to NOT date other people and date exclusively. If you do not have that conversation, you are still “JUST DATING”. Are we CLEAR? Ok. Now that we have that out of the way, here’s what happens.

You are just in the ‘DATING” phase. You and he haven’t had the “Exclusive Talk” yet. During the dating period, if the guy asks you out, he should pay PERIOD. After all, most men make more money, and women have to do the following things if you are like me and want to take care of yourself:

  1. Nails
  2. Hair
  3. Make-up
  4. Clothes
  5. Shoes
  6. Eyebrows
  7. Botox
  8. Just to name a few
  9. Perfume

All of this costs money. What most men do not realize is when we like a guy and want to look and smell good (I forgot perfume), it costs a lot of money for one date. Not to mention the time it takes to get ready when we already are busy enough with a job, kids, family etc. One date could easily cost over $300 for a lady. EASY…..

Now, before we all get upset at Linda, let’s consider a few ways that a lady can reciprocate. Here are a few things that I do as a courtesy and to also let my guy know I appreciate him:

  1. I bring over dessert when he cooks dinner.
  2. I may even bring supplements (because I am a health nut) and I found out my guy did not take the needed supplements to be healthy. Let me be clear, if a lady likes a guy a lot, she will care about his health and his wellbeing.
  3. I am a Kangen Water drinker. I have my own machine. I share water with people I care about. I swear by this water that it is the best investment I have ever made for my health so if I bring my guy water to help him get healthy, that to me means:
    1. I care about you.
    2. I care about your health.
    3. I like you.
    4. I want you to be around a long time.
    5. I think we may have a future together.

So, let’s review a little. Friendship, then dating. He pays for the dates. You reciprocate by bringing over dessert and other things even though you haven’t had “The Exclusive Talk” yet. You buy clothes, perfume, get your nails, hair, and brows done so you look fabulous. That in itself is a lot of time, money and effort just for your guy!

When and if you do have the “Exclusive Date” talk, then it is recommended by me and others to pick up the check once in a while. Cook dinner once in a while etc. Then your guy has earned your time and attention so you absolutely should contribute monetarily once in a while.

A Real Gentleman should never even mention money when you are just dating. If a guy even throws in your face that you never offered to pick up the check when out, or even buy a drink then you are not dating a gentleman. A real Gentlemen knows, listens and pays attention to your cute texts, your “I miss you texts”, desserts, water you bring over, vitamins etc. and is grateful that you are such a kind and gracious guest. If this happens to you where he may get mad at something and throws the fact that you never picked up the check while “DATING” not “DATING EXCLUSIVELY”, you should never go out with that guy again.

This is a real issue in today’s dating world, unfortunately. There are a lot of beautiful women like myself out there that if we were looking for a “Sugar Daddy” it is so easy to find that it is almost ridiculous. I myself am not a “Gold Digger” and if any guy that I was just “DATING” ever told me that, I would never speak to him again.

And for the guys, I hope that this helps you understand from a ladies side the things that we go through to look good and be fabulous for a Gentleman that we adore.

I am really interested in hearing your feedback and comments. Please contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

Posted by on in Blog
Ladies, Set your Boundaries – One Night Stands by Linda

Hello readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about a sensitive subject that I feel really needs to be addressed. Since I have started dating again, this issue keeps coming up and frankly makes me just not want to date anymore. I have been complexed about this particular problem for some time now and I feel the need to write about it.

First off, you all know my first rule in dating and that is for the guy to drive your way first. This shows you that this guy is somewhat into you and interested because he will make the drive. If at all he suggests on a first date that you drive to him, this is a good indication that this guy is all about himself and his life and will not compromise unless it suits his needs however; this can pose a potential problem. I do think that meeting half way if he lives a distance is OK, not desirable but OK.

Just because a guy drives to your area for a first, second or third date doesn't mean they are entitled to spend the night. They should be responsible enough to get themselves to a date and back without a DUI or getting too tired to drive home, after all men somehow make it to work and back by themselves without having to spend the night at a stranger’s house right?  When did it become OK for a date to expect to sleep on your couch or in your bed just because they had too much to drink or are too tired to drive home? First off, if they are too tired to go on a date, they should just cancel to avoid all of the things that could happen.

Ladies, get it through your pretty heads and make it clear to your date before the date that you have no intention of opening up your place as a 4-Seasons Hotel or an instant ONE-NIGHT-STAND just because they drank too much or are too tired to drive home.  

What about age? Does age matter in these instances? YES! For some reason men and women think since they are older, it is OK to sleep together on the first date because after all, you're both adults and can do what you want. (yada, yada, yada). I can see how in this age of instant gratification, people would gear towards this way of thinking. This doesn't make it right, in fact it makes it complicated I don't care how old you are. People do not have to wait for anything these days. They can get on their smartphone and get car insurance in less than 30 minutes! They can go to a dating site and get sex in one night if they choose. They can now order alcohol to be delivered within 30 minutes along with food. This is a new world we are living in and you must take into consideration dating should have nothing to do with it!

You are NOT obligated to let a date crash with you or on your couch because they drove a distance or drank too much. It is awkward for one thing and gives the impression that you have no boundaries. This is a mistake because you must be clear that you are a lady with boundaries and NEVER let a man set your boundaries period.


This person is a stranger (or even if you've known this person awhile) and doesn't give them a free night at your place just because you went on a date. Learn how to be direct about this before the date. May I suggest over the phone if they plan a date that may go into the late evening and there is drinking involved, you mention to them that you have an early meeting, workout with your trainer, yoga class, church or whatever so you appreciate the fact that they are driving to see you for a FEW HOURS. (Key word, FEW HOURS)
If they live a good distance away, suggest an earlier time so they have plenty of time to drive back home. An example would be to start the date at 5 pm and remember, you have an early commitment and need to be home by 10 pm. 5 hours is more than enough time for a date that's going well. Make this clear before he comes to take you on a date. If he even suggests crashing at your place, simply ask him if another time would be better. This gives him the hint that you are not going to let him crash and no one night stand is happening.

If your date indulges and drinks too much, that's on HIM.  He can get a hotel or Uber home, after all, you made this clear in the beginning. Not your problem. There is nothing more awkward then having a guy guilt you into crashing at your place on a first date. Learn to say NO! If they get offended because after all, you are both adults, that doesn't give anyone the right to invade your space in fact, since you are an adult woman you have your routine and do not need that extra pressure of an irresponsible or disrespectful person quilting you into crashing at your place after a first date.

If you are a guy, you must go back to the 50's where men courted women. These days’ people are used to getting what they want anytime, anyplace without waiting. Don't get this confused with Dating. Dating and learning about someone is not instantaneous contrary to everything else these days.


Plan earlier dates in the beginning until you get to know this person and they have earned your trust. Some suggestions could be maybe a fun hike or afternoon movie with an early dinner. A nice picnic lunch on the beach or in a nice park setting during the day. These types of dates are almost nonexistent anymore. Let me tell you a lady will be more impressed with a picnic date or even a hike with a picnic basket where you took the time to pick the food out from the deli and get all the utensils, plates, napkins and beverages. This shows a woman you really wanted to make this special. And don't be throwing two bottles of wine and oysters in the basket either! Make it very comfortable for her and don't put unnecessary pressure on her by attempting to get her drunk and taking advantage of the situation.


MEN, Be the MAN. Take charge but don't take advantage. This will score you many, many bonus points. Find out what type of music she likes and bring a playlist to quietly play in the background. It's pretty simple, to make her feel comfortable, you must build and earn trust. Just because you say “you can trust me” doesn't mean a smart lady is going to automatically trust you.  Earn her trust a little at a time. Enjoy the courtship and if things evolve then it's a different set of circumstances that you will both be comfortable with.

Trust me as a single lady over 45 and dating, this is a crazy time right now. I have come across this situation more than once where I will go on a date and my date has too much to drink or just has a long drive home and it is almost expected on his part (he thinks) again, thanks to the instant gratification stage we are in, that he spends the night to avoid a DUI or a long drive. This is why I've been thinking about this and decided to write about it. Your home is your personal space. Just because I went on a date with you doesn't give you rights to my personal home or personal space. If things evolve and we find we like each other and there is a mutual respect, then things can be more intimate but until then, hold yourself back and stop thinking you are entitled to crash at her place because you were irresponsible in your drinking and or your time management.

There is nothing more awkward than having some guy stay at your place after a first date, waking up in the morning sober and thinking how do I get this person to go home. You don't know if you like a person enough to have them stay the night after just one date. This is not the movies, this is real life. You have no clue as to how many other women that person is dating and if they stay with you on the first night, that pretty much means they will do that with someone else too. And LADIES, the men think the same way about having sex with you on the first date. It’s not a good look and unfortunately, they will think you are slutty. (Just throwing that out there) This will immediately ladies, put you in the category of JUST A SEX GIRL. Do you really want to be that girl? Why not be different?

Honestly, there are not a lot of women out there that can set boundaries and stick to them. If you can, this puts you in a greater, smarter, respectable category called “SHE VALUES HERSELF”.  When you are in the “SHE VALUES HERSELF” category, you become to the guy “Operation get that girl before someone else does because they are so few and far between these days”.

I would love to hear your comments and feedback. Please contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

And remember to pick up my helpful dating book called “The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why”.  ”What Every Online Dater Needs to Know” available at Amazon. Paperback or Kindle.

Linda’s Book https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

 

XOXO, Linda

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