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Has the #MeToo Movement Ruined Online Dating? By Linda

Hello readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about the #METOO movement and Online Dating. Do you think that the #METOO has affected the Online Dating Industry? I don’t think that the Online Dating industry has lost any members due to it but I do think it has made a lot of men very cautious. In fact, it has been my experience that men are asking a lot of questions that they normally would not.

I have had men ask me if it is ok to call me beautiful or does that offend me. I have to laugh or I will just cry. It is SAD that a man has to ask to be a MAN and be CHIVALROUS when speaking to a lady. REALLY? Has the #METOO movement made men afraid to treat a woman like a lady? What I mean by that is men should not be afraid to open the door, bring flowers, and pay for the date etc. in order to not OFFEND a FEMINIST!

Let’s be CLEAR about what the #METOO is all about.

The #MeToo movement (or #MeToo movement), with many local and international alternative names, is a movement against sexual harassment and sexual assault.[1][2][3] #Me Too spread virally in October 2017 as a hashtag on social media in an attempt to demonstrate the widespread prevalence of sexual assault and harassment, especially in the workplace.[4][5][6] It followed soon after the sexual abuse allegations against Harvey Weinstein.[7][8] Tarana Burke, an American social activist, and community organizer began using the phrase "Me Too" as early as 2006, and the phrase was later popularized by American actress Alyssa Milano, on Twitter in 2017. Milano encouraged victims of sexual harassment to tweet about it and "give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem".[9][10] This was met with the success that included but was not limited to high-profile posts from several American celebrities, including Gwyneth Paltrow,[11] Ashley Judd,[12] Jennifer Lawrence,[13] and Uma Thurman.[14]

The actresses mentioned above are all feminists. I am not saying they are wrong by any means. We all know this is a real and dangerous issue not only in Hollywood but to anyone including men. I am just saying that unless you are a predator, then this should really not apply to the general way a man should treat a lady on a date.

I am not a feminist in any way. I want to be treated and respected like the lady I am. I say go back to the ’50s and re-learn how men treated ladies back then and there will be fewer break-ups. I don’t care what some feminists say, they all want to be treated right. Or, maybe they are just pro- #METOO when it suits them? Like in the workplace? Hey, I am all about respect and boundaries in and out of the workplace but men should not be afraid to be MEN! In fact, (no offense to the men out there) I am finding that it is extremely hard to find a MANLY MAN these days. Most of them are older and wiser because this is how they were brought up. The younger men are now being groomed to act more like the way the world is today instead of the old-fashioned way.

A sad fact is there are a lot of Single Mothers raising little boys all alone with no father figure in the home which attributes to a lot of men not really knowing how to treat a lady and vice-versa.  Attention Single Mothers and Single Fathers raising young men and young women, since there is no father or mother around, it is your responsibility to teach your young boys and girls how to treat girls and how to treat boys! Yes, men need to be respected too. This is not a one-sided opinion.

I was that single girl once but I taught my son manners, pump the gas, open the doors, help me bring in the groceries, talk to a lady in a respectful way etc. By the way, my son still does all of these things for me.

I learned this from my father who lived it and taught me how I should be treated by a man. This also applies to Single Mothers and Single Fathers raising young ladies. You need to teach them how to respect themselves and how to respect men too. Just think if this was happening in every single-parent household how much better Online Dating would be.

HERE IS WHAT MEN ARE THINKING - Should I pay for the date? Should I open the door or pull out her chair? Can I hold her hand as we are crossing the street? Can I call her pretty or beautiful without offending her or is that sexual harassment? GIVE ME A BREAK! To me and to a real Man this is a no-brainer. I am 100% in favor of the old-fashioned way.  Below are some facts that are definitely a #METOO Violation:

According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics:

Rape - Forced sexual intercourse including both psychological coercion as well as physical force. Forced sexual intercourse means penetration by the offender(s). Includes attempted rapes, male as well as female victims, and both heterosexual and same-sex rape. Attempted rape includes verbal threats of rape.

Sexual assault - A wide range of victimizations, separate from rape or attempted rape.  These crimes include attacks or attempted attacks generally involving unwanted sexual contact between victim and offender.  Sexual assaults may or may not involve force and include such things as grabbing or fondling.  It also includes verbal threats.

According to statista.com:

The reported forcible rape rate in the United States from 1990 to 2017. In 2017, the nationwide rate was 30.7 cases per 100,000 of the population. The total number of rape cases in the United States stood at 99,856 in 2017.

Below are some General Rules that both sexes should follow when online dating.

  1. Men- It is OK to pay for the date. In fact, I highly recommend a man pays for the date.
  2. Men- It is OK to open the door for the lady, just don’t grab her in an inappropriate way as she walks through.
  3. Men- It is OK to pull the chair out while dining. In fact, I highly recommend it not just because it is a sweet gesture and other men and women will take notice. Maybe you are inspiring another person to act like this. THUMBS UP!
  4. Men- It is OK to tell a lady she is pretty or beautiful. Just don’t say sexy if you do not know her yet. To me, that is just classless. Sexy implies to me that we have been intimate.
  5. Men and Women- The general rules apply like NO is still NO! (Non-negotiable) Just respect the lady and treat her as such and it will get a man much further.
  6. Men- Slipping a drug in your dates drink in order to have sex (COSBY) is not only illegal but totally unacceptable!

WARNING!  Ladies, never leave your drink alone and go to the restroom with a guy you just met. DON’T DO IT. Finish your drink first or take it with you. Better to be safe than sorry. If you finish your drink and go to the restroom and he asks if you want another, tell him you haven’t decided yet. Do not let him order a drink without you there.

DON’T BE “THAT WOMAN”!

Then you have the women who are DESPERATE and they will let any guy treat her in any way just to get attention. This is not OK, especially in the Online Dating world. In my opinion, there are too many women on Online Dating sites that do not respect themselves and therefore will put up with bad behavior from men. This makes it very hard for the ladies who are looking to be treated with respect.

A Clear example is a Dick Pic. Some women have told me that they are OK with this. Really? I don’t get it? Sending an unsolicited Dick Pic to a lady is just plain wrong and rude. In my mind, the only women that PRETEND to like this are women with no respect for themselves and low self-esteem who are willing to overlook this and act excited in order to get a date. I am not sure you would even call it a date if you go out with a guy that does this. Pretty much they will have sex the first time they meet a guy like this and if you are a woman who encourages Dick Pic’s then don’t complain that a guy doesn’t respect you or doesn’t call you back except for a booty call! I don’t want to hear it. Now, this would clearly be a violation to the #METOO people for sure. Then again, if you are dating someone and in a relationship, by all means, send a Dick Pic if requested. Two completely different scenarios.

DATE RAPE:

According to youthspecialties.com:

10 FACTS ABOUT DATE RAPE

  1. Date Rape is forced or coerced sex between; partners, dates, friends, friends of friends or general acquaintances. (The actual definition of date rape for legal purposes may vary from state to state, but generally involves any attempts or actual act of forcing someone to have any type of sex against their will or drugging the date so that the victim no longer has the capacity to resist or say “no.”)
  2. Date Rape can be coerced both physically and emotionally – some emotional tactics include; threats to reputation, threats to not like you, name-calling, saying you “brought it on” or “really want it”, threats to break up and threats to say you did it even if you didn’t.
  3. If a person has had too much to drink or is on drugs they cannot consent to sex and having sex with them is legally rape.
  4. There are certain date rape drugs that render the victim unconscious and limit memory; using these drugs on somebody carries harsher penalties than date rape and is a federal crime with a possible 20-year sentence. (See: 1996 Drug-Induced Rape Prevention and Punishment Act)
  5. Rohypnol, GHB, ActiveSeX, Roofies, Ruffies, Roche, R-2, Rib and Rope are all names describing a date rape drug. These drugs are odorless and tasteless and difficult to detect when in drinks or mixed with other drugs.
  6. Date rape drugs may be difficult to trace but evidence of intercourse is not, and in cases where the use of these drugs is suspected, evidence of rape standards are lower.
  7. If you don’t want to have sex, say NO like you mean it and fight it off if you have to – despite urban myths, people who fight off a rapist are more likely to stop the rape.
  8. Date Rape is the most common form of rape (78%) with 1 in 4 girls expected to fall victim to rape or attempted rape before they reach 25, and 3 out of 5 rapes occurring before a woman reaches age 18.
  9. Although girls are more often victims of rape, guys are not safe – they can be raped too.
  10. NO MEANS NO! If a person says no to sex (no matter how quietly or unconvincingly) and you go ahead with it anyway, that is rape.
  11. EXTRA FACT: Revenge porn is a real thing and is now an illegal act, punishable by fines and possible jail time.
  12. EXTRA, EXTRA FACT: If digital media is shared depicting sex acts, and one participant is a legal minor, the sender just committed a crime by sending child porn and can be charged as a sex crime, meaning the sender can become a registered sex offender.

DATE RAPE VICTIMS SHOULD IMMEDIATELY TAKE THESE STEPS:

  • Call the police to report the rape. Many rapists continue to rape until they’re caught. Reporting the crime can help stop the rapist from victimizing others.
  • Call a rape crisis hotline to talk with a counselor. If you don’t know a local number, call the national hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
  • As soon as possible, get to the emergency room for a rape kit exam. Don’t shower, wash, douche, or change clothes. Valuable evidence could be destroyed.
  • Call a trusted friend or relative you can talk to. Don’t isolate yourself, don’t try to suppress your feelings, and don’t try to ignore it.
  • Get counseling to help deal with the emotional trauma. If you don’t know where to go, call your local public health department. They can refer you.

In short, just be a good guy. Be respectful to the lady you are speaking with. Do not put sexual content in your online dating profile like “must love sex”. All people on online dating sites know that if they meet someone they like, they may want to be intimate and we do not need to be reminded in your profile. This honestly turns most women off because it simply puts too much pressure on a woman and most will not respond to you for this very fact.

By all means, be chivalrous. Think back to what men did in the ’50s. I promise you a real lady will appreciate this and respect you for it.

FACT:  Men want Respect and Women want Security. (Security meaning feeling secure not necessarily monetary).

I would love to hear your feedback. Leave me a comment or email me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

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Linda is now in the Matchmaking Business! Inquire Within!

Hello readers, Linda here. Today I would like to announce that I am now offering Matchmaker Services!

Have you been on Online Dating Sites for years or even just months with no results? Sometimes Online Dating just does not have the person you are looking for because either they are not on a Dating Site or they are and they are just not the one for you. This is where Matchmaking is necessary. Matchmaking goes back centuries.

According to Mark Brooks (an online personals and social networking expert), He stated that “matchmakers offer "a chance to connect" and "a chance to authenticate" prospects in ways the Web sites can’t”.

Sure, anyone can argue that Online Dating is sufficient for the various reasons such as you can see photos, read bios, occupations, demographics, income, age, religion, political affiliation and more, however; it doesn’t always work. People are not always truthful in most or all aspects on their Online Dating Profiles. We all know this, it is no secret.

So, why would you hire a Matchmaker? Well, if you are truly serious and looking for a life partner, you would want to hire the best Matchmaker to find that person for you.  Most of us professionals do not have the time to browse through 100’s of profiles and then take time out to date just to find out that person is not who they say they are or just not what you expected. A person can waste so much time, energy and money on relationships or one time dates that are simply going nowhere. If you are tired of this method and want to finally take a step in the right direction, why not hire a professional? After all, you could go to a website to tell you how to fix a medical issue, but you would need to pay to see a doctor to prescribe medication right?

That’s where I can help you!

Don’t waste your time and energy on endless going nowhere dates and contact me so that I can help you through Patti.

We all know time goes by too fast these days and people are lonely and want that special person in their lives.  I ihabe access to the largest database of potential matches in the world along with the best of the best matchmakers.

If you are interested, please contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

Posted by on in Blog
Phil's Advice on Dating Without Being Over Your X....

The Phil Effect has a new PODCAST! The Holidays and good advice on how NOT to date until you are over your past relationships...

 

Listen now!

 

https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-13

 

Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

 

UPDATE** Real Housewives OC – Shannon, David and Lesley – My Thoughts, By Linda

UPDATE*** The Blog image was posted today by Lesley Cook on her Instagram. JEALOUS MUCH? You really need to get some class.... Tamara blows you away in the beauty realm.... 100%

Hello readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about The Real Housewives of Orange County. Specifically, Shannon Beador and her soon to be X-husband, David Beador. Anyone who watches the show regularly like me is disheartened but not surprised about this ongoing saga. The reason I am writing is that I have an opinion on the matter and want to voice it. I have much experience with a cheating husband whom I divorced and all of the pain, insecurity, loss of self-esteem, weight gain, loss of trust and humiliation that it did to me. I have lived it and therefore, I can write about it.

Shannon and David’s marriage is not much different than my own.

First off, let me say I am a HUGE fan of Shannon. When I watch her on the show, I can see myself in her. My X-husband cheated on me as well. Shannon’s weight gain is no surprise to me and when the season opened she OWNED her weight gain which was admirable and brave, to say the least.  I could tell something was up and I mean something with her cheating husband who had already had one affair that he admitted to (only after getting caught). I knew then he was emotionally checked out. I think he was already talking with this Lesley Cook whom he met in a spin class according to reports before he walked out on his wife and children. Lesley, did you read that? “HE WALKED OUT ON HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN” Think about that statement and let it sink in…

What does a cheating husband do to the wife emotionally? Let me tell you it is damaging and traumatic. Weight gain is common and self-doubt is also a true sign. Once the husband cheats, it is nearly impossible to gain that trust back even if you renew your vows and pledge your undying love forever and ever like he did.

A wife who suspects her husband is cheating (or turns the other cheek) becomes depressed. Depression can lead to weight gain among other things. I guarantee you if David stood behind his wife instead of pulling away, she would have lost the weight sooner. What does that say about him as a husband and partner who stood in front of a judge two times and said those words, for better or worse? Instead, he checked out and gave up. He selfishly thought he deserved better and moved on. This is not a man of character and certainly not a man I would want to be with or have around my young children.

Being in that same situation myself, when you get depressed, it is almost impossible, to say the least, to get out of it. It takes a lot of work. I predict that you, yourself will end up in the same depression during your life and once you mature you will understand. But in order to be compassionate, you first have to step out of your own selfish motivations to understand. I feel like you could but you are too immature to do so. Possibly, when you go through the same thing, you will better understand the devastation of a broken marriage and what it does to both partners. Personally, if you wanted a relationship with David, you should have first strongly encouraged him to stay with his wife, and if that didn’t work then at least waited until he was divorced. A strong healthy minded person after getting a divorce will stay single for a great amount of time before jumping into the next flavor of the month. Clearly, David did not do this and shows his lack of character and respect for his marriage and his children. Just think if he would have waited at least a year before dating, then met you, this whole relationship of yours (cough) would have been seen in an entirely different light. This tells me you have a lot to learn about life darling… Looks like you have to learn the hard way.

I dated my X-husband for five years and then we were married for five years. In retrospect, I should have just walked away after I found out he was a lifelong cheater but I fell in love and now I am suffering not only the loss of my marriage but the loss of the love of my life.

After the divorce, I have dated very little and have not had a boyfriend in almost seven years. This is how long it took me to recover emotionally. With my x-husband though, he dated and kept seeing his selfish self-serving mistress until the day he took his own life two years ago. He admitted to me before he died that he made a huge mistake and that he never stopped loving me and the same goes for me. You see Lesley, relationships are not all wine and roses, you have to carefully maneuver your own personal journey and your children’s life in such a way that you have to have compassion and put yourself in other people’s shoes in order to navigate through obstacles and make better decisions. I am saying this to you because you need to hear it.

When I was your age, I didn’t listen to many people but I did listen to a great mentor of mine who helped me very much to show me integrity and my own self-worth. She showed me that making a decision especially one that would involve my children should be very carefully thought out. I am not perfect and I have made many, many mistakes and I own them. I acted carelessly after my separation. I was very, very hurt and angered and did many things I wish that I had not now. It was a very tough lesson or lessons that I learned and I am trying to pass this along to you. I am quite sure you will not head my advice now, but hopefully, you will hold onto this and read when you are ready to open up and grow.

News Flash! David will forever be a cheater. Who knows how many affairs he has had or casual hooker hook-ups that are not even publicized. Not saying there is, but how is anyone to know except David.

A cheating man is BAD. It’s a character flaw and so damaging to his wife, kids, family and even friends. And, you probably won’t believe this now, but this will also be damaging to you too as evident in your public posts.

It is so narcissistic for David to remain on the show and not believe that he would get caught. In my opinion, this was not his first time. He admitted to having the affair with the selfish woman that intentionally friended Shannon and inserted her daughter on the same Basketball team in order to start an affair with David. A woman like that is very evil. Shame on her and she is married! This is so Newport Beach, many women there are very selfish and self-serving and downright scary if you ask me.

Apparently, I read that they are still married and are trying to work things out but I can tell you, her husband will never forget what she did. This will damage her marriage and relationship forever.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3237312/This-Nicole-McMackin-woman-cheated-husband-RHOC-s-Shannon-Beador-sordid-eight-month-affair-befriended-reality-star-probe-info-break-couple.html

Lesley Cook -

She is divorced with two young children. David is 20 years her senior with three daughters of his own who are growing up quickly. Why would he want a younger lady with two little kids? Trust me, this is all about sex. If he had his choice, he would really not want the two young kids in the picture. But men are all about sex. They think about it on average 9 times more a day than women and since this Lesley is willing and able, he pounced. Personally, she looks to me to be very pretentious and sees David as a meal ticket because he does have a lot of money but this relationship even if taken to the next level has zero staying power. I give it maybe 1-2 years IF THAT. You might even see him try and reconcile with Shannon in the future.

Lesley, I have been following you on IG and what I see is a typical Newport Beach gold-digging, young and misguided woman. Question, why is your IG Profile PUBLIC? Obviously, you want your 5 minutes of fame which proves that you are insecure and immature. Rightly so, you should be very insecure about this man. Obviously, your profile is public because you want the world to see your posts which is not a classy move. In my opinion, you should keep you IG Profile Private, then you will have support from your friends only and not open yourself up to someone like me.

Lesley Cook seems from the outside to be living a dream life in Newport Beach but on the inside is a completely different story. How do I know this? EASY! You can see her damaging and immature posts she makes public on IG about her boyfriend David’s X wife Shannon. If Lesley wasn’t intimidated by Shannon and David’s marriage, she would just shut up and not post anything. Why does she feel the need to defend herself? Feeling GUILTY?

She claims their relationship didn’t start until after the separation but I’m not buying it.  Lesley, if you are going to be involved with a man who has cheated on his wife and marriage before he cheated with you, then you too have to OWN it. My advice to you is to shut up on Social Media. This is not giving you your claim to fame like you think it is. This so-called 5 minutes of fame will be short lived and if you really cared about your cheating boyfriend, you would care about his relationship with his real family, Shannon, and his kids. HELLO, his daughters are going to graduate High School, College, get married and have kids. In the event your relationship does last, there will be graduations, wedding showers, weddings, baby showers etc. throughout their ENTIRE LIVES. You must make peace not war if you want to keep your boyfriend around. In other words, this is a lifetime commitment that he has created with his WIFE. Trust me, men do not like DRAMA.

Try to be as classy as you possibly can, shut up and stop posting on social media. This is damaging Shannon, her kids and believe it or not, David. A cheating husband does not want his dirty laundry aired for the entire world to see and watch. TAKE THE HIGH ROAD!  High road refers to a higher moral ground. "Taking the high road" expression refers to one being a "class act" during a very difficult time. Those who take the high road, are demonstrating being honest, fair, and selfless while not being completely defenseless.

Trust me, I know. David might not verbalize it to you for fear of not getting laid, but deep down he still loves Shannon and his kids and you are simply a distraction for him. By your posts, you are making yourself look like a classless, immature, greedy and uncaring person. In addition to that, bringing David into your children’s life without a ring and a date (or at least date for a year first), can be very damaging to your children. Even I knew this at your age as I was a single mother but I was never looking for a daddy for my kids, they already had one. Therefore, not introducing them to my X-husband for three years after dating was the best decision. You should read up on introducing your young children to your boyfriends too early can damage your kids. Here is a great article about this very subject:

http://www.101bananas.com/library2/schlessinger.html

As far as Shannon goes, she has Trumped you on this platform. She is very bright, beautiful, intelligent and obviously a woman of great character and sophistication. She is on TV and is free to voice her emotions about her marriage and is helping other women by doing so. And before you say it yes, it is your constitutional right to voice your opinions but that does in no way make it right or make you look classy or look like a better person in any way. Trust me, girlfriend, in twenty years (and this may come as a surprise to you) you will be 20 years older too! You will not look like you do now. From one woman to another, we ladies need to build each other up not tear each other down. In the end, most men will come and go but we will always have our girlfriends.

One last word of advice for Lesley. You knew what you were getting into by having a relationship with David Beador, known cheater and liar and so along with that, this is nothing you are not asking for. You could have chosen to walk away and ask him to contact you in a year but you didn’t. That would have been the safe thing to do for you and your children. Do not let David’s emotional issues affect you or your children, but too late you have already done that.

He will never respect you because of the way you handled the situation. No matter what he tells you, he still cares about his WIFE and children. My dear by setting up house and acting like the wife without having the commitment, have immediately lost respect from him even if he won’t tell you. You should have done what I said and waited a year to see if he can heal from his past then he would have respect for you. I and many others see you as a “FILLER”, that’s a person who is filling in until he finds his next flavor of the month.

Shannon, hold your head high and keep on moving on princess. You deserve so much better and I know you will get through this in time and you already are inspiring other women for your bravery and honesty.

Any comments or questions, I welcome them. Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Posted by on in Blog
Ghosting? Tinder Dating "The Phil Effect"

The Phil Effect - Episode 11 GHOSTING plus, would you date a Pregnant girl??

Too funny..

@Effect_Phil - Twitter - https://twitter.com/effect_phil

Follow Phil on his new Facebook Page -

The Phil Effect  https://www.facebook.com/thephileffect27/

Phil's BLOG https://thephileffect27.blogspot.com/2018/08/the-phil-effect.html?m=1

 

https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-11

XOXOXO,

Linda

Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

 

 

Linda's New Podcast with The Phil Effect! What to Say and Not to Say on the First Message!

So here it is The Phil Effect Episode 10 with Linda. Her advice could be the difference between you sitting in on a Saturday watching The Notebook on your own or meeting the love of your life online.

@Effect_Phil            AKA “The Phil Effect” on Twitter

Hello Readers, Linda here. Phil from the Phil Effect and (Lindasdatelist.com) are teaming up together to talk about the Online Dating Struggles that people are going through. It is a great collaboration because Phil is from Dublin, Ireland and is 28 years old and fairly new to the Online Dating scene. Myself, I am 51 and have been on the Online Dating scene for about 15 years and I am in Southern California.

Our Podcast’s give the listener a very unique perspective due to the difference in age and we both bring new and exciting stories, advice and ideas to the table.

Phil is a new up and coming Podcaster who dares to share his dating stories to his listeners and it is always informative and very funny. Phil is 28 and lives in Dublin, Ireland, worker and college student. His unique personality is catching on globally and he is becoming very popular.

His and our Podcasts are a great listen while you are working out or on the subway or train on your way to your destination. Follow Phil on Twitter @Effect_Phil

Please take a listen and let us know your feedback and any ideas that you may want us to discuss! WE ARE LISTENING!

You can send your ideas to @Effect_Phil on twitter or Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Below is the link to the latest podcast!

Enjoy!

https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-10?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=twitter

Also, don’t forget to check out my book “The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why” What Every Online Dater Needs to Know!

https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

XOXOXO,

Linda

Posted by on in Blog
The Phil Effect - Episode 9!

https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-9

Hello Readers, Linda here. I’ll be returning to the @phil_effect on Monday, July 30th! In the meantime, below is Phil’s Episode 9!

Had a bad day? Need a good giggle Have a listen to The Phil Effect and tell people to have a listen as well. We need to spread more funny stories in my opinion.

#funny #laugh #Edinburgh #Australia #SoundCloud #Podcast #Dating #Love #Positivity 

soundcloud.com/thephileffect/…

UPDATE * NEW USERS ADDED - Free Username Search on Lindasdatelist.com (See what other people said about your potential date)

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about my FREE Search Site for Online Dating. You can Check Your Date before you go out for FREE or Add a Free listing about your date for the next person.

Report someone dangerous so that the next person can find out before they go. I have often heard Online Daters say to me "I wish there was a website where I could go and look a person up before I go out" well, I have created one and it's FREE. You can search by Username and Dating Site.

You can check on the "HOME" page for this information. http://lindasdatelist.com/home

 

Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Please check it out so that we can all help each other! http://lindasdatelist.com/

xoxo, Linda

Order my book "The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why" What Every Online Dater Needs to Know"  https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

 

UPDATE*  LAGuy100_ Faces 13 Years In Prison! Dine & Dash Online Dater Strikes Again – By Linda

Latest update! He appeared in court and faces 13 years in prison! Check this out! 

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/08/28/los-angeles-alleged-dine-and-dash-dater-faces-13-years-prison/1123963002/

 

Hello readers, Linda here. In the news recently was a story about a guy named Paul Gonzales. Apparently, he was recently on the Bumble Dating App. It has been reported that he has two BENCH WARRANTS out for his arrest as of 5/3/2018, one for Petty Theft and the other for a Driver’s License Violation. Today I am writing about how to avoid a Dangerous Person like this. Keep in mind, this does happen on both sides, Male and Female.

When you are dating online, you really need to be very cautious and cover all of your bases. I call it “SCREENING”. You must first and foremost SCREEN your potential dates. Here is the very first thing that you should do.

  1. GOOGLE THEIR NAME -

Never go out with anyone unless you know their first and last name. Even if you are just meeting for coffee. You never know how things can turn out. Once you get their name, google them. In this case with Paul Gonzales, if you google his name, this is what comes up. http://canoe.com/news/crime/notorious-dine-and-dash-dater-strikes-again-near-los-angeles

On Google, it clearly shows his picture. There are many articles about this guy. This would be a huge RED FLAG that you should not ever talk to or meet this person. You can also google their phone number… FYI

Unfortunately, you have to be diligent in doing your homework before you go out. There are no exceptions! Even if you are a Facebook Friend, Co-Worker or High School friend, you still need to google them. In many cases, you may think you know this person but have no idea what this person has been up to. For your own safety, you must do this. I have interviewed a woman who has dated someone from high school that they have not spoken to for many years only to be physically and mentally abused. If this woman would have googled him, she would have seen his arrest records on google and avoided all of the pain and suffering. The same applies to males.

**VERY IMPORTANT - GO TO http://www.meganslaw.com/ TO SEARCH THEIR NAME TO CHECK TO SEE IF THEY ARE A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER! **

  1. SCREEN YOUR DATES –

What I mean by ‘Screening your dates’ is this: On a first meeting, you should meet during the day for coffee, ice-cream, yogurt, a nice walk on the beach etc.. IF your date does not agree and suggests dinner instead, this might be a RED FLAG!

For example, I have a friend who met a girl and suggested a drink and dancing. His date suggested a five-star restaurant instead for the first meeting. Now, this could be a sign that this date is just wanting a free din din…. This happens a lot so that is why I am bringing it up. You do not want to be involved with a woman who suggests such an extravagant outing on a first date. (Unfortunately, there are men and women out there dating just for a free meal)

It is obvious of what you can be sure she expects in the future and frankly it is just RUDE. This is why I suggest day dates. So, this would be a way for a guy to Screen his date. If I were a guy and this happened to me, I would not go out with this person. On the other hand, if you are a female and going out with a guy and he suggests dinner on the first date, I would not recommend you agree to that. It might sound great and fun but what if you get there and you do not like the guy? This has happened to my own daughter. She got to the restaurant and the guy was not at all what she thought. She was stuck sitting there sharing a meal with a guy polar opposite of what she was looking for and expecting. Day dates are easier to escape from and you can keep it short. Never more than one or two hours for a first meeting.

  1. ALWAYS MEET IN A PUBLIC PLACE WITH YOUR OWN TRANSPORTATION –

 Never let anyone pick you up at your residence even if you know this person. Always drive your own vehicle or UBER. You never know how a date or ‘meet and greet’ is going to turn out so you must be prepared. You must have an exit strategy. In the case mentioned with Paul Gonzales, he would suggest dinner out with a lady, order whatever he wanted, finish his meal then excuse himself to make a phone call and then dash (disappear) leaving the female with the dinner tab. Now, let’s just say that as a female, you are expecting the guy to pay (AS YOU SHOULD) so you do not worry about it. What if you do not have the cash or any credit cards on you? Then what? This is why you always have your own transportation and your own money just in case. If for some reason on both sides you do not have the finances to date, then, by all means, stay home and better yourself or your financial situation before going out into the dating world. Ideally, you want to meet someone that has their life together as much as possible. Refer to my recent blog “Who Pays for the Date” for more information and tips. http://lindasdatelist.com/blog/entry/who-pays-for-the-date-by-linda.html

  1. I RECOMMEND A DAY DATE WHEN MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME –

When meeting someone for the very first meeting, it should be a day date if at all possible and it IS always possible. Very easily things can get out of control during a night date. What I mean by this is, you two may be getting along really great and the date could go into the late hours. This brings up many of my ‘Linda’s Rules’ where it is very easy to start drinking and then the next thing you know the guy or girl is at your home and you may do something you will regret. Even worse is you may get a little drunk and be taken advantage of, raped, physically hurt or dead. You must also consider that you may get a stalker on your hands… this is very possible and you, yourself did it because you revealed where you live…..  YES, THIS REALLY HAPPENS!

It is always best to avoid the first meeting at night to keep yourself safe. Let’s just say this happens where you both end up in bed and have drunk sex, you will wake up and it will be a very uncomfortable situation for both parties. It’s best to avoid alcohol on the first date or meeting completely. I know many people will say that you are both adults (yadda, yadda, yadda) but, trust and believe that you do not want to start any kind of relationship by jumping into bed on the first date. This is never a good idea. Both of you will both wonder if the other person does this often. This is not a good feeling to have and is in no way a good start to anything except maybe an unwanted pregnancy, STD or a broken heart. Refer to my blog “Ladies Set Your Boundaries” for more tips on this subject. http://lindasdatelist.com/blog/entry/ladies-set-your-boundaries-one-night-stands-by-linda.html

  1. TAKE YOUR TIME AND GET TO KNOW THE PERSON –

I recommend that everyone just slow down and take the time to get to know someone. Dating is tricky and it is best to really get to know someone. You should start out as friends first because we all know that when the newness wears off, all you have is companionship and friendship.

Make sure you are making good healthy decisions for YOU. It’s all about YOU in the beginning. Remember, it’s not if the other person likes you, it’s if you like the other person. This is especially true for the ladies. Many ladies are always analyzing if he likes me… and I should change myself or my life to accommodate his. This is the worst thing anyone can do. You must first have your own life, family, kids, work, hobbies, friends and you should never conform to or change your life too much to ‘make him happy’. Ladies, this is a huge mistake. A guy that is worth it, will respect that fact that you have your own life and priorities and that he is not your life! Don’t give up your family, friends, hobbies etc. to spend time with him.

A good relationship is the combination of two lives, two people coming together at the right time. Don’t try and hurry anything and get to know the person. If it is meant to be, you both will find time to spend together and see if you are a match.

Most importantly, a great relationship is made up of two really good “FORGIVERS”. No one is perfect and your guy or girl is going to upset you once in a while or say or do something to rattle the relationship unknowingly of course sometimes. You must be a good forgiver and always put yourself in the other person shoes…. This will put things into perspective for both of you. (COMMUNICATE)

I am in no way saying that if the person cheats, steals or in any way is abusive that you must forgive. The very opposite is true. Never, EVER allow yourself to be cheated on or abused in any way. If this happens, you should walk away or RUN AWAY immediately, do not pass go, do not collect your $200.00….

I would love to hear your feedback on my blog so please leave a comment or email me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

Don't forget to check out my book "The Top 10 Things People Lie About On Online Dating Sites and Why" What Every Online Dater Needs to Know! https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

Below is the link to the story on Paul Gonzales….

https://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2017/03/15/serial-dash-and-dine-dater-strikes-again/

Posted by on in Blog
Who Pays For the Date? By Linda

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about “Who pays for the date”? There are many scenarios that I can write about pertaining to this subject but I want to keep this very basic for now.

Let’s pretend that a Guy you meet online asks you out for a date. You like him so you say ok. Now, in this case, I always recommend this (Linda’s rule) to say you want to be friends first and then see where it goes, if anywhere.

Now, let’s just say he agreed to start out friends first which is great. You do a couple of daytime friend’s things at first which he volunteer’s to pay for, however; always do your own driving to meet him. If he asks you to go Dutch and he is pursuing you, do not go out with the guy again. If you are pursuing him, and I do NOT EVER recommend this, then you can go Dutch but trust me, ladies, if a guy likes you, he will pursue you. Men are known hunters and it is in their DNA to hunt you down so to speak. Do not chase a guy. A good example is, do you ever notice the guys you are not interested in just will not give up???? The obvious reason is that you are not chasing them down.

Then there’s that one night where things change from friendship to dating. Let me repeat. You are NOT dating until after he tells you he wants to be more than friends and you AGREE. Ok. So, after friendship, it evolves to “DATING”. JUST DATING. Not dating exclusively, but dating. Now, let me explain something to make it very clear. When you start dating someone, you still may date other people UNLESS you have “That Conversation”, you know the one where you BOTH decide to NOT date other people and date exclusively. If you do not have that conversation, you are still “JUST DATING”. Are we CLEAR? Ok. Now that we have that out of the way, here’s what happens.

You are just in the ‘DATING” phase. You and he haven’t had the “Exclusive Talk” yet. During the dating period, if the guy asks you out, he should pay PERIOD. After all, most men make more money, and women have to do the following things if you are like me and want to take care of yourself:

  1. Nails
  2. Hair
  3. Make-up
  4. Clothes
  5. Shoes
  6. Eyebrows
  7. Botox
  8. Just to name a few
  9. Perfume

All of this costs money. What most men do not realize is when we like a guy and want to look and smell good (I forgot perfume), it costs a lot of money for one date. Not to mention the time it takes to get ready when we already are busy enough with a job, kids, family etc. One date could easily cost over $300 for a lady. EASY…..

Now, before we all get upset at Linda, let’s consider a few ways that a lady can reciprocate. Here are a few things that I do as a courtesy and to also let my guy know I appreciate him:

  1. I bring over dessert when he cooks dinner.
  2. I may even bring supplements (because I am a health nut) and I found out my guy did not take the needed supplements to be healthy. Let me be clear, if a lady likes a guy a lot, she will care about his health and his wellbeing.
  3. I am a Kangen Water drinker. I have my own machine. I share water with people I care about. I swear by this water that it is the best investment I have ever made for my health so if I bring my guy water to help him get healthy, that to me means:
    1. I care about you.
    2. I care about your health.
    3. I like you.
    4. I want you to be around a long time.
    5. I think we may have a future together.

So, let’s review a little. Friendship, then dating. He pays for the dates. You reciprocate by bringing over dessert and other things even though you haven’t had “The Exclusive Talk” yet. You buy clothes, perfume, get your nails, hair, and brows done so you look fabulous. That in itself is a lot of time, money and effort just for your guy!

When and if you do have the “Exclusive Date” talk, then it is recommended by me and others to pick up the check once in a while. Cook dinner once in a while etc. Then your guy has earned your time and attention so you absolutely should contribute monetarily once in a while.

A Real Gentleman should never even mention money when you are just dating. If a guy even throws in your face that you never offered to pick up the check when out, or even buy a drink then you are not dating a gentleman. A real Gentlemen knows, listens and pays attention to your cute texts, your “I miss you texts”, desserts, water you bring over, vitamins etc. and is grateful that you are such a kind and gracious guest. If this happens to you where he may get mad at something and throws the fact that you never picked up the check while “DATING” not “DATING EXCLUSIVELY”, you should never go out with that guy again.

This is a real issue in today’s dating world, unfortunately. There are a lot of beautiful women like myself out there that if we were looking for a “Sugar Daddy” it is so easy to find that it is almost ridiculous. I myself am not a “Gold Digger” and if any guy that I was just “DATING” ever told me that, I would never speak to him again.

And for the guys, I hope that this helps you understand from a ladies side the things that we go through to look good and be fabulous for a Gentleman that we adore.

I am really interested in hearing your feedback and comments. Please contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

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