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Posted by on in Blog
First Date Failure by Linda

Hello readers, today I would like to talk about what happened on a first date recently. This lady has just moved to a new state and decided to check out the guys in her new state.
She gets on an Online Dating site and receives a message from a good looking guy so she replies back. They text back and forth and plan a date for the next week. That Saturday before the date after returning from an all day shopping trip, she gets a phone call from this guy out of the blue asking if she can meet him that night at 9:30 pm!

First off, to the guys, don’t do that. All ladies need time to plan and get ready and it’s just plain rude! Her first thought was (and mine) his previous date cancelled or he got stood up or she wasn’t what she was supposed to be. Duh...

She politely says no thank you but see you on our planned date night. That day comes and it’s after work so this lady had no time to freshen up so she comes as is. They pull into the parking lot at the same time. It’s dark but he looks at her car and asks what kind of car it is. I think that’s fair, he’s fishing to see if she has her s*** together. “Whatever”

They walk in and luckily there are two seats at the bar so she proceeds to sit down but hesitates to give him a chance to pull the bar stool out for her but he just sits down. RED FLAG! What happened to guys with manners? Where or where are you hiding?

She pulls her own chair out and sits down. They order a drink and he’s kind enough to suggest dinner. They order, that’s a good move on his part. Now, here is where it gets weird.

He starts talking about his previous dates. Tells her he was dating a girl he really liked but she told him she does not want anything serious right now, basically friends with benefits only. Lol Sorry not sorry for laughing but this guy is dealing with a pro!

Guys, there are lots of women out there that will tell you the same thing, and you are now wondering why. LMAO..
The reason is she wants you to chase her. It’s a tactic some ladies and men use. Funniest thing is he acted so shocked! She just giggles and proceeds to let him know this little secret and it obviously worked because apparently, he talked about this girl the rest of the night. He could not believe it and asked so many questions about why and how a girl would do this. At that point she realized she gave him all the answers he needed and she decided to end the date politely.

The bill comes and he excuses himself to the restroom. Luckily this lady is smart enough to not pay the tab but waits for him to come back. He paid the tab and they walk out together. Now, they are parked only about 100 yards apart and they get to the parking lot and he walks off and yells out “let me know if you want to go out again” while walking to his car. Basically treating her like a guy friend. Eyes rolling...

What did he do wrong? He didn’t walk her to her car! What in the world is wrong with the guys here she’s thinking and now she’s completely shocked. Guys, I don’t care if you are not interested in this lady, you still should keep it classy and walk her to the car!

She went home. A few days later he texts her and says “I hope you didn’t see my wandering eye at the restaurant “ What? Why would he even text something like this? She replied back, “ Nope didn’t notice and don’t care”!

They never went out again and she blocked his number. Here is where he went wrong:

1. He called late on a Saturday night expecting her to meet him at 9:30 pm at night on the fly.
2. He didn’t pull her chair out for her.
3. He talked the entire time about another girl that told him she only wants FWB and wanted to know why.
4. As soon as the check came, he excused himself to the bathroom maybe hoping she would pick up the check even though he asked her out first. What he should have done was before going to the bathroom, put his credit card on the tab then go to the men’s room. (Or, little boys room) LMAO!
5. He did not walk her to her car!
6. He didn’t ask her to text him when she got home to make sure she got home ok.
7. He texted her a few days later and admitted having a wandering eye on their date. WHY?

Here is what she did right:

1. When he asked #7, she wrote back she “didn’t notice and she didn’t care”.
2. She blocked his number and never went out again with him.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this one. Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,
Linda

UPDATE * NEW USERS ADDED - Free Username Search on Lindasdatelist.com (See what other people said about your potential date)

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about my FREE Search Site for Online Dating. You can Check Your Date before you go out for FREE or Add a Free listing about your date for the next person.

Report someone dangerous so that the next person can find out before they go. I have often heard Online Daters say to me "I wish there was a website where I could go and look a person up before I go out" well, I have created one and it's FREE. You can search by Username and Dating Site.

You can check on the "HOME" page for this information. http://lindasdatelist.com/home

 

Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Please check it out so that we can all help each other! http://lindasdatelist.com/

xoxo, Linda

Order my book "The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why" What Every Online Dater Needs to Know"  https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

 

UPDATE*  LAGuy100_ Faces 13 Years In Prison! Dine & Dash Online Dater Strikes Again – By Linda

Latest update! He appeared in court and faces 13 years in prison! Check this out! 

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/08/28/los-angeles-alleged-dine-and-dash-dater-faces-13-years-prison/1123963002/

 

Hello readers, Linda here. In the news recently was a story about a guy named Paul Gonzales. Apparently, he was recently on the Bumble Dating App. It has been reported that he has two BENCH WARRANTS out for his arrest as of 5/3/2018, one for Petty Theft and the other for a Driver’s License Violation. Today I am writing about how to avoid a Dangerous Person like this. Keep in mind, this does happen on both sides, Male and Female.

When you are dating online, you really need to be very cautious and cover all of your bases. I call it “SCREENING”. You must first and foremost SCREEN your potential dates. Here is the very first thing that you should do.

  1. GOOGLE THEIR NAME -

Never go out with anyone unless you know their first and last name. Even if you are just meeting for coffee. You never know how things can turn out. Once you get their name, google them. In this case with Paul Gonzales, if you google his name, this is what comes up. http://canoe.com/news/crime/notorious-dine-and-dash-dater-strikes-again-near-los-angeles

On Google, it clearly shows his picture. There are many articles about this guy. This would be a huge RED FLAG that you should not ever talk to or meet this person. You can also google their phone number… FYI

Unfortunately, you have to be diligent in doing your homework before you go out. There are no exceptions! Even if you are a Facebook Friend, Co-Worker or High School friend, you still need to google them. In many cases, you may think you know this person but have no idea what this person has been up to. For your own safety, you must do this. I have interviewed a woman who has dated someone from high school that they have not spoken to for many years only to be physically and mentally abused. If this woman would have googled him, she would have seen his arrest records on google and avoided all of the pain and suffering. The same applies to males.

**VERY IMPORTANT - GO TO http://www.meganslaw.com/ TO SEARCH THEIR NAME TO CHECK TO SEE IF THEY ARE A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER! **

  1. SCREEN YOUR DATES –

What I mean by ‘Screening your dates’ is this: On a first meeting, you should meet during the day for coffee, ice-cream, yogurt, a nice walk on the beach etc.. IF your date does not agree and suggests dinner instead, this might be a RED FLAG!

For example, I have a friend who met a girl and suggested a drink and dancing. His date suggested a five-star restaurant instead for the first meeting. Now, this could be a sign that this date is just wanting a free din din…. This happens a lot so that is why I am bringing it up. You do not want to be involved with a woman who suggests such an extravagant outing on a first date. (Unfortunately, there are men and women out there dating just for a free meal)

It is obvious of what you can be sure she expects in the future and frankly it is just RUDE. This is why I suggest day dates. So, this would be a way for a guy to Screen his date. If I were a guy and this happened to me, I would not go out with this person. On the other hand, if you are a female and going out with a guy and he suggests dinner on the first date, I would not recommend you agree to that. It might sound great and fun but what if you get there and you do not like the guy? This has happened to my own daughter. She got to the restaurant and the guy was not at all what she thought. She was stuck sitting there sharing a meal with a guy polar opposite of what she was looking for and expecting. Day dates are easier to escape from and you can keep it short. Never more than one or two hours for a first meeting.

  1. ALWAYS MEET IN A PUBLIC PLACE WITH YOUR OWN TRANSPORTATION –

 Never let anyone pick you up at your residence even if you know this person. Always drive your own vehicle or UBER. You never know how a date or ‘meet and greet’ is going to turn out so you must be prepared. You must have an exit strategy. In the case mentioned with Paul Gonzales, he would suggest dinner out with a lady, order whatever he wanted, finish his meal then excuse himself to make a phone call and then dash (disappear) leaving the female with the dinner tab. Now, let’s just say that as a female, you are expecting the guy to pay (AS YOU SHOULD) so you do not worry about it. What if you do not have the cash or any credit cards on you? Then what? This is why you always have your own transportation and your own money just in case. If for some reason on both sides you do not have the finances to date, then, by all means, stay home and better yourself or your financial situation before going out into the dating world. Ideally, you want to meet someone that has their life together as much as possible. Refer to my recent blog “Who Pays for the Date” for more information and tips. http://lindasdatelist.com/blog/entry/who-pays-for-the-date-by-linda.html

  1. I RECOMMEND A DAY DATE WHEN MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME –

When meeting someone for the very first meeting, it should be a day date if at all possible and it IS always possible. Very easily things can get out of control during a night date. What I mean by this is, you two may be getting along really great and the date could go into the late hours. This brings up many of my ‘Linda’s Rules’ where it is very easy to start drinking and then the next thing you know the guy or girl is at your home and you may do something you will regret. Even worse is you may get a little drunk and be taken advantage of, raped, physically hurt or dead. You must also consider that you may get a stalker on your hands… this is very possible and you, yourself did it because you revealed where you live…..  YES, THIS REALLY HAPPENS!

It is always best to avoid the first meeting at night to keep yourself safe. Let’s just say this happens where you both end up in bed and have drunk sex, you will wake up and it will be a very uncomfortable situation for both parties. It’s best to avoid alcohol on the first date or meeting completely. I know many people will say that you are both adults (yadda, yadda, yadda) but, trust and believe that you do not want to start any kind of relationship by jumping into bed on the first date. This is never a good idea. Both of you will both wonder if the other person does this often. This is not a good feeling to have and is in no way a good start to anything except maybe an unwanted pregnancy, STD or a broken heart. Refer to my blog “Ladies Set Your Boundaries” for more tips on this subject. http://lindasdatelist.com/blog/entry/ladies-set-your-boundaries-one-night-stands-by-linda.html

  1. TAKE YOUR TIME AND GET TO KNOW THE PERSON –

I recommend that everyone just slow down and take the time to get to know someone. Dating is tricky and it is best to really get to know someone. You should start out as friends first because we all know that when the newness wears off, all you have is companionship and friendship.

Make sure you are making good healthy decisions for YOU. It’s all about YOU in the beginning. Remember, it’s not if the other person likes you, it’s if you like the other person. This is especially true for the ladies. Many ladies are always analyzing if he likes me… and I should change myself or my life to accommodate his. This is the worst thing anyone can do. You must first have your own life, family, kids, work, hobbies, friends and you should never conform to or change your life too much to ‘make him happy’. Ladies, this is a huge mistake. A guy that is worth it, will respect that fact that you have your own life and priorities and that he is not your life! Don’t give up your family, friends, hobbies etc. to spend time with him.

A good relationship is the combination of two lives, two people coming together at the right time. Don’t try and hurry anything and get to know the person. If it is meant to be, you both will find time to spend together and see if you are a match.

Most importantly, a great relationship is made up of two really good “FORGIVERS”. No one is perfect and your guy or girl is going to upset you once in a while or say or do something to rattle the relationship unknowingly of course sometimes. You must be a good forgiver and always put yourself in the other person shoes…. This will put things into perspective for both of you. (COMMUNICATE)

I am in no way saying that if the person cheats, steals or in any way is abusive that you must forgive. The very opposite is true. Never, EVER allow yourself to be cheated on or abused in any way. If this happens, you should walk away or RUN AWAY immediately, do not pass go, do not collect your $200.00….

I would love to hear your feedback on my blog so please leave a comment or email me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

Don't forget to check out my book "The Top 10 Things People Lie About On Online Dating Sites and Why" What Every Online Dater Needs to Know! https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

Below is the link to the story on Paul Gonzales….

https://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2017/03/15/serial-dash-and-dine-dater-strikes-again/

Posted by on in Blog
Updated- Who Pays For the Date? By Linda

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about “Who pays for the date”? There are many scenarios that I can write about pertaining to this subject but I want to keep this very basic for now.

Let’s pretend that a Guy you meet online asks you out for a date. You like him so you say ok. Now, in this case, I always recommend this (Linda’s rule) to say you want to be friends first and then see where it goes, if anywhere. The reason I advise this is that you have no idea what the person did the night before, meaning they could have had sex with a FWB or who knows what? You do not want to get in the middle of a love triangle. FWB partners just really never works out because at least one of you will get emotionally attached, that is why they rarely work out especially if one of the FWB partners is out dating looking for their dream guy or dream girl.

Now, let’s just say he agreed to start out friends first which is great. You do a couple of daytime friend’s things at first which he volunteer’s to pay for, however; always do your own driving to meet him. If he asks you to go Dutch and he is pursuing you, do not go out with the guy again. If you are pursuing him, and I do NOT EVER recommend this, then you can go Dutch but trust me, ladies, if a guy likes you, he will pursue you. Do not chase a guy. A good example is, do you ever notice the guys you are not interested in just will not give up???? The obvious reason is that you are not chasing them down.

Then there’s that one night where things change from friendship to dating. Let me repeat. You are NOT dating until after he tells you he wants to be more than friends and you AGREE. Ok. So, after friendship, it evolves to “DATING”. “JUST DATING”. Not “DATING EXCLUSIVELY”, but “JUST DATING”. Now, let me explain something to make it very clear. When you start dating someone, you and he may still date other people UNLESS you have “That Conversation”, you know the one where you BOTH decide to NOT date other people and date exclusively. If you do not have that conversation, you are still “JUST DATING”. Are we CLEAR? Ok. Now that we have that out of the way, here’s what happens.

Ladies, this is something very important that I want to point out. Just because you are “Dating” a guy, do not ASSUME that he is not dating anyone else. No one owns anyone else’s time. In other words, accept and believe that the other person IS out dating unless you have the conversation to be exclusive. Do not get upset or expect the guy to just stop dating anyone else because he went out with you and you had a really good time.

This is the year 2020 and the dating scene has new rules. Be careful if you get intimate with a guy before having the conversation of being exclusive because he or she could have had sex with someone else after your date or the next day or the day before. Yes, this happens with both sexes.

You are in the “JUST DATING” phase. You two haven’t had the “Exclusive Talk” yet. During the dating period, if the guy asks you out, he should pay PERIOD. After all, most men make more money, and women have to do the following things if you are like me and want to take care of yourself:

  1. Nails
  2. Hair
  3. Make-up
  4. Clothes
  5. Shoes
  6. Eyebrows
  7. Botox
  8. Perfume
  9. Just to name a few

All of these above cost money. What most men do not realize is when we like a guy and want to look and smell good it costs a lot of money for one date. Not to mention the time it takes to get ready when we already are busy enough with a job, kids, family etc. One date could easily cost over $300 for a lady. EASY…..

Now, before we all get upset at Linda, let’s consider a few ways how a lady can reciprocate in the “JUST DATING” phase. Here are a few things that I do and to let my guy know I appreciate him:

  1. I’ll bring over dessert when he cooks dinner.
  2. I’ll bring his dog a bone if I come over.
  3. If I arrive at the restaurant bar first, I will pay for my own drink if he is not there.

So, let’s review a little. Friendship, then dating. He pays for the dates. You reciprocate by bringing over dessert and other things even though you haven’t had “The Exclusive Talk” yet. You buy clothes, perfume, get your nails, hair, and brows done so you look fabulous. That in itself is a lot of time, money and effort just for the guy!

When and if you do have the “Exclusive Date” talk, then it is recommended by me and others to pick up the check once in a while. Cook dinner once in a while etc. Then your guy has earned your time and attention so you absolutely should contribute monetarily once in a while.

A Real Gentleman should never even mention money when you are just dating. If a guy even throws in your face that you never offered to “pick up the check” when out, or even “buy a drink” in the “JUST DATING” phase, then you are not dating a gentleman. A real Gentlemen knows, listens and pays attention to your cute texts, your “I miss you texts”, desserts, etc. and is grateful that you are such a kind and gracious guest. If this happens to you where he may get mad at something and throws the fact that you never picked up the check while “DATING” not “DATING EXCLUSIVELY”, you should never go out with that guy again.

This is a real issue in today’s dating world unfortunately. There are a lot of beautiful women like myself out there that if we were looking for a “Sugar Daddy” it is so easy to find that it is almost ridiculous. I myself am not a “Gold Digger” and if any guy that I was “JUST DATING” ever told me or insinuated that, I would never speak to him again.

And for the guys, I hope that this helps you understand from a ladies side the things that we go through to look good and be fabulous for a Gentleman that we adore.

I am really interested in hearing your feedback and comments. Please contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

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