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Posted by on in Blog
First Date Failure by Linda

Hello readers, today I would like to talk about what happened on a first date recently. This lady has just moved to a new state and decided to check out the guys in her new state.
She gets on an Online Dating site and receives a message from a good looking guy so she replies back. They text back and forth and plan a date for the next week. That Saturday before the date after returning from an all day shopping trip, she gets a phone call from this guy out of the blue asking if she can meet him that night at 9:30 pm!

First off, to the guys, don’t do that. All ladies need time to plan and get ready and it’s just plain rude! Her first thought was (and mine) his previous date cancelled or he got stood up or she wasn’t what she was supposed to be. Duh...

She politely says no thank you but see you on our planned date night. That day comes and it’s after work so this lady had no time to freshen up so she comes as is. They pull into the parking lot at the same time. It’s dark but he looks at her car and asks what kind of car it is. I think that’s fair, he’s fishing to see if she has her s*** together. “Whatever”

They walk in and luckily there are two seats at the bar so she proceeds to sit down but hesitates to give him a chance to pull the bar stool out for her but he just sits down. RED FLAG! What happened to guys with manners? Where or where are you hiding?

She pulls her own chair out and sits down. They order a drink and he’s kind enough to suggest dinner. They order, that’s a good move on his part. Now, here is where it gets weird.

He starts talking about his previous dates. Tells her he was dating a girl he really liked but she told him she does not want anything serious right now, basically friends with benefits only. Lol Sorry not sorry for laughing but this guy is dealing with a pro!

Guys, there are lots of women out there that will tell you the same thing, and you are now wondering why. LMAO..
The reason is she wants you to chase her. It’s a tactic some ladies and men use. Funniest thing is he acted so shocked! She just giggles and proceeds to let him know this little secret and it obviously worked because apparently, he talked about this girl the rest of the night. He could not believe it and asked so many questions about why and how a girl would do this. At that point she realized she gave him all the answers he needed and she decided to end the date politely.

The bill comes and he excuses himself to the restroom. Luckily this lady is smart enough to not pay the tab but waits for him to come back. He paid the tab and they walk out together. Now, they are parked only about 100 yards apart and they get to the parking lot and he walks off and yells out “let me know if you want to go out again” while walking to his car. Basically treating her like a guy friend. Eyes rolling...

What did he do wrong? He didn’t walk her to her car! What in the world is wrong with the guys here she’s thinking and now she’s completely shocked. Guys, I don’t care if you are not interested in this lady, you still should keep it classy and walk her to the car!

She went home. A few days later he texts her and says “I hope you didn’t see my wandering eye at the restaurant “ What? Why would he even text something like this? She replied back, “ Nope didn’t notice and don’t care”!

They never went out again and she blocked his number. Here is where he went wrong:

1. He called late on a Saturday night expecting her to meet him at 9:30 pm at night on the fly.
2. He didn’t pull her chair out for her.
3. He talked the entire time about another girl that told him she only wants FWB and wanted to know why.
4. As soon as the check came, he excused himself to the bathroom maybe hoping she would pick up the check even though he asked her out first. What he should have done was before going to the bathroom, put his credit card on the tab then go to the men’s room. (Or, little boys room) LMAO!
5. He did not walk her to her car!
6. He didn’t ask her to text him when she got home to make sure she got home ok.
7. He texted her a few days later and admitted having a wandering eye on their date. WHY?

Here is what she did right:

1. When he asked #7, she wrote back she “didn’t notice and she didn’t care”.
2. She blocked his number and never went out again with him.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this one. Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,
Linda

Posted by on in Blog
Has the #MeToo Movement Ruined Online Dating? By Linda

Hello readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about the #METOO movement and Online Dating. Do you think that the #METOO has affected the Online Dating Industry? I don’t think that the Online Dating industry has lost any members due to it but I do think it has made a lot of men very cautious. In fact, it has been my experience that men are asking a lot of questions that they normally would not.

I have had men ask me if it is ok to call me beautiful or does that offend me. I have to laugh or I will just cry. It is SAD that a man has to ask to be a MAN and be CHIVALROUS when speaking to a lady. REALLY? Has the #METOO movement made men afraid to treat a woman like a lady? What I mean by that is men should not be afraid to open the door, bring flowers, and pay for the date etc. in order to not OFFEND a FEMINIST!

Let’s be CLEAR about what the #METOO is all about.

The #MeToo movement (or #MeToo movement), with many local and international alternative names, is a movement against sexual harassment and sexual assault.[1][2][3] #Me Too spread virally in October 2017 as a hashtag on social media in an attempt to demonstrate the widespread prevalence of sexual assault and harassment, especially in the workplace.[4][5][6] It followed soon after the sexual abuse allegations against Harvey Weinstein.[7][8] Tarana Burke, an American social activist, and community organizer began using the phrase "Me Too" as early as 2006, and the phrase was later popularized by American actress Alyssa Milano, on Twitter in 2017. Milano encouraged victims of sexual harassment to tweet about it and "give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem".[9][10] This was met with the success that included but was not limited to high-profile posts from several American celebrities, including Gwyneth Paltrow,[11] Ashley Judd,[12] Jennifer Lawrence,[13] and Uma Thurman.[14]

The actresses mentioned above are all feminists. I am not saying they are wrong by any means. We all know this is a real and dangerous issue not only in Hollywood but to anyone including men. I am just saying that unless you are a predator, then this should really not apply to the general way a man should treat a lady on a date.

I am not a feminist in any way. I want to be treated and respected like the lady I am. I say go back to the ’50s and re-learn how men treated ladies back then and there will be fewer break-ups. I don’t care what some feminists say, they all want to be treated right. Or, maybe they are just pro- #METOO when it suits them? Like in the workplace? Hey, I am all about respect and boundaries in and out of the workplace but men should not be afraid to be MEN! In fact, (no offense to the men out there) I am finding that it is extremely hard to find a MANLY MAN these days. Most of them are older and wiser because this is how they were brought up. The younger men are now being groomed to act more like the way the world is today instead of the old-fashioned way.

A sad fact is there are a lot of Single Mothers raising little boys all alone with no father figure in the home which attributes to a lot of men not really knowing how to treat a lady and vice-versa.  Attention Single Mothers and Single Fathers raising young men and young women, since there is no father or mother around, it is your responsibility to teach your young boys and girls how to treat girls and how to treat boys! Yes, men need to be respected too. This is not a one-sided opinion.

I was that single girl once but I taught my son manners, pump the gas, open the doors, help me bring in the groceries, talk to a lady in a respectful way etc. By the way, my son still does all of these things for me.

I learned this from my father who lived it and taught me how I should be treated by a man. This also applies to Single Mothers and Single Fathers raising young ladies. You need to teach them how to respect themselves and how to respect men too. Just think if this was happening in every single-parent household how much better Online Dating would be.

HERE IS WHAT MEN ARE THINKING - Should I pay for the date? Should I open the door or pull out her chair? Can I hold her hand as we are crossing the street? Can I call her pretty or beautiful without offending her or is that sexual harassment? GIVE ME A BREAK! To me and to a real Man this is a no-brainer. I am 100% in favor of the old-fashioned way.  Below are some facts that are definitely a #METOO Violation:

According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics:

Rape - Forced sexual intercourse including both psychological coercion as well as physical force. Forced sexual intercourse means penetration by the offender(s). Includes attempted rapes, male as well as female victims, and both heterosexual and same-sex rape. Attempted rape includes verbal threats of rape.

Sexual assault - A wide range of victimizations, separate from rape or attempted rape.  These crimes include attacks or attempted attacks generally involving unwanted sexual contact between victim and offender.  Sexual assaults may or may not involve force and include such things as grabbing or fondling.  It also includes verbal threats.

According to statista.com:

The reported forcible rape rate in the United States from 1990 to 2017. In 2017, the nationwide rate was 30.7 cases per 100,000 of the population. The total number of rape cases in the United States stood at 99,856 in 2017.

Below are some General Rules that both sexes should follow when online dating.

  1. Men- It is OK to pay for the date. In fact, I highly recommend a man pays for the date.
  2. Men- It is OK to open the door for the lady, just don’t grab her in an inappropriate way as she walks through.
  3. Men- It is OK to pull the chair out while dining. In fact, I highly recommend it not just because it is a sweet gesture and other men and women will take notice. Maybe you are inspiring another person to act like this. THUMBS UP!
  4. Men- It is OK to tell a lady she is pretty or beautiful. Just don’t say sexy if you do not know her yet. To me, that is just classless. Sexy implies to me that we have been intimate.
  5. Men and Women- The general rules apply like NO is still NO! (Non-negotiable) Just respect the lady and treat her as such and it will get a man much further.
  6. Men- Slipping a drug in your dates drink in order to have sex (COSBY) is not only illegal but totally unacceptable!

WARNING!  Ladies, never leave your drink alone and go to the restroom with a guy you just met. DON’T DO IT. Finish your drink first or take it with you. Better to be safe than sorry. If you finish your drink and go to the restroom and he asks if you want another, tell him you haven’t decided yet. Do not let him order a drink without you there.

DON’T BE “THAT WOMAN”!

Then you have the women who are DESPERATE and they will let any guy treat her in any way just to get attention. This is not OK, especially in the Online Dating world. In my opinion, there are too many women on Online Dating sites that do not respect themselves and therefore will put up with bad behavior from men. This makes it very hard for the ladies who are looking to be treated with respect.

A Clear example is a Dick Pic. Some women have told me that they are OK with this. Really? I don’t get it? Sending an unsolicited Dick Pic to a lady is just plain wrong and rude. In my mind, the only women that PRETEND to like this are women with no respect for themselves and low self-esteem who are willing to overlook this and act excited in order to get a date. I am not sure you would even call it a date if you go out with a guy that does this. Pretty much they will have sex the first time they meet a guy like this and if you are a woman who encourages Dick Pic’s then don’t complain that a guy doesn’t respect you or doesn’t call you back except for a booty call! I don’t want to hear it. Now, this would clearly be a violation to the #METOO people for sure. Then again, if you are dating someone and in a relationship, by all means, send a Dick Pic if requested. Two completely different scenarios.

DATE RAPE:

According to youthspecialties.com:

10 FACTS ABOUT DATE RAPE

  1. Date Rape is forced or coerced sex between; partners, dates, friends, friends of friends or general acquaintances. (The actual definition of date rape for legal purposes may vary from state to state, but generally involves any attempts or actual act of forcing someone to have any type of sex against their will or drugging the date so that the victim no longer has the capacity to resist or say “no.”)
  2. Date Rape can be coerced both physically and emotionally – some emotional tactics include; threats to reputation, threats to not like you, name-calling, saying you “brought it on” or “really want it”, threats to break up and threats to say you did it even if you didn’t.
  3. If a person has had too much to drink or is on drugs they cannot consent to sex and having sex with them is legally rape.
  4. There are certain date rape drugs that render the victim unconscious and limit memory; using these drugs on somebody carries harsher penalties than date rape and is a federal crime with a possible 20-year sentence. (See: 1996 Drug-Induced Rape Prevention and Punishment Act)
  5. Rohypnol, GHB, ActiveSeX, Roofies, Ruffies, Roche, R-2, Rib and Rope are all names describing a date rape drug. These drugs are odorless and tasteless and difficult to detect when in drinks or mixed with other drugs.
  6. Date rape drugs may be difficult to trace but evidence of intercourse is not, and in cases where the use of these drugs is suspected, evidence of rape standards are lower.
  7. If you don’t want to have sex, say NO like you mean it and fight it off if you have to – despite urban myths, people who fight off a rapist are more likely to stop the rape.
  8. Date Rape is the most common form of rape (78%) with 1 in 4 girls expected to fall victim to rape or attempted rape before they reach 25, and 3 out of 5 rapes occurring before a woman reaches age 18.
  9. Although girls are more often victims of rape, guys are not safe – they can be raped too.
  10. NO MEANS NO! If a person says no to sex (no matter how quietly or unconvincingly) and you go ahead with it anyway, that is rape.
  11. EXTRA FACT: Revenge porn is a real thing and is now an illegal act, punishable by fines and possible jail time.
  12. EXTRA, EXTRA FACT: If digital media is shared depicting sex acts, and one participant is a legal minor, the sender just committed a crime by sending child porn and can be charged as a sex crime, meaning the sender can become a registered sex offender.

DATE RAPE VICTIMS SHOULD IMMEDIATELY TAKE THESE STEPS:

  • Call the police to report the rape. Many rapists continue to rape until they’re caught. Reporting the crime can help stop the rapist from victimizing others.
  • Call a rape crisis hotline to talk with a counselor. If you don’t know a local number, call the national hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
  • As soon as possible, get to the emergency room for a rape kit exam. Don’t shower, wash, douche, or change clothes. Valuable evidence could be destroyed.
  • Call a trusted friend or relative you can talk to. Don’t isolate yourself, don’t try to suppress your feelings, and don’t try to ignore it.
  • Get counseling to help deal with the emotional trauma. If you don’t know where to go, call your local public health department. They can refer you.

In short, just be a good guy. Be respectful to the lady you are speaking with. Do not put sexual content in your online dating profile like “must love sex”. All people on online dating sites know that if they meet someone they like, they may want to be intimate and we do not need to be reminded in your profile. This honestly turns most women off because it simply puts too much pressure on a woman and most will not respond to you for this very fact.

By all means, be chivalrous. Think back to what men did in the ’50s. I promise you a real lady will appreciate this and respect you for it.

FACT:  Men want Respect and Women want Security. (Security meaning feeling secure not necessarily monetary).

I would love to hear your feedback. Leave me a comment or email me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

Posted by on in Blog
Ghosting? Tinder Dating "The Phil Effect"

The Phil Effect - Episode 11 GHOSTING plus, would you date a Pregnant girl??

Too funny..

@Effect_Phil - Twitter - https://twitter.com/effect_phil

Follow Phil on his new Facebook Page -

The Phil Effect  https://www.facebook.com/thephileffect27/

Phil's BLOG https://thephileffect27.blogspot.com/2018/08/the-phil-effect.html?m=1

 

https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-11

XOXOXO,

Linda

Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

 

 

Linda's New Podcast with The Phil Effect! What to Say and Not to Say on the First Message!

So here it is The Phil Effect Episode 10 with Linda. Her advice could be the difference between you sitting in on a Saturday watching The Notebook on your own or meeting the love of your life online.

@Effect_Phil            AKA “The Phil Effect” on Twitter

Hello Readers, Linda here. Phil from the Phil Effect and (Lindasdatelist.com) are teaming up together to talk about the Online Dating Struggles that people are going through. It is a great collaboration because Phil is from Dublin, Ireland and is 28 years old and fairly new to the Online Dating scene. Myself, I am 51 and have been on the Online Dating scene for about 15 years and I am in Southern California.

Our Podcast’s give the listener a very unique perspective due to the difference in age and we both bring new and exciting stories, advice and ideas to the table.

Phil is a new up and coming Podcaster who dares to share his dating stories to his listeners and it is always informative and very funny. Phil is 28 and lives in Dublin, Ireland, worker and college student. His unique personality is catching on globally and he is becoming very popular.

His and our Podcasts are a great listen while you are working out or on the subway or train on your way to your destination. Follow Phil on Twitter @Effect_Phil

Please take a listen and let us know your feedback and any ideas that you may want us to discuss! WE ARE LISTENING!

You can send your ideas to @Effect_Phil on twitter or Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Below is the link to the latest podcast!

Enjoy!

https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-10?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=twitter

Also, don’t forget to check out my book “The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why” What Every Online Dater Needs to Know!

https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

XOXOXO,

Linda

Posted by on in Blog
Check Linda's Website to Look Up an Online Dater Before you Go Out!

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about my FREE Search Site for Online Dating. You can Check Your Date before you go out for FREE or Add a Free listing about your date for the next person. Report someone dangerous so that the next person can find out before they go. I have often heard Online Daters say to me "I wish there was a website where I could go and look a person up before I go out" well, I have created one and it's FREE. You can search by Username and Dating Site.

You can check on the "HOME" page for this information.

Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Please check it out so that we can all help each other! http://lindasdatelist.com/

xoxo, Linda

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