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Linda

Linda

Hello I am a blogger and and an author. I speak from my experiences only as I am not a doctor. I do consider myself an expert when it comes to relationship advice only because of what I have been through in my life experiences with Men and Dating and Marriages.
I hope you enjoy my blogs and more than that I hope they can help you or someone else!
xoxo, Linda
Posted by on in Blog
Ladies, Set your Boundaries – One Night Stands by Linda

Hello readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about a sensitive subject that I feel really needs to be addressed. Since I have started dating again, this issue keeps coming up and frankly makes me just not want to date anymore. I have been complexed about this particular problem for some time now and I feel the need to write about it.

First off, you all know my first rule in dating and that is for the guy to drive your way first. This shows you that this guy is somewhat into you and interested because he will make the drive. If at all he suggests on a first date that you drive to him, this is a good indication that this guy is all about himself and his life and will not compromise unless it suits his needs however; this can pose a potential problem. I do think that meeting half way if he lives a distance is OK, not desirable but OK.

Just because a guy drives to your area for a first, second or third date doesn't mean they are entitled to spend the night. They should be responsible enough to get themselves to a date and back without a DUI or getting too tired to drive home, after all men somehow make it to work and back by themselves without having to spend the night at a stranger’s house right?  When did it become OK for a date to expect to sleep on your couch or in your bed just because they had too much to drink or are too tired to drive home? First off, if they are too tired to go on a date, they should just cancel to avoid all of the things that could happen.

Ladies, get it through your pretty heads and make it clear to your date before the date that you have no intention of opening up your place as a 4-Seasons Hotel or an instant ONE-NIGHT-STAND just because they drank too much or are too tired to drive home.  

What about age? Does age matter in these instances? YES! For some reason men and women think since they are older, it is OK to sleep together on the first date because after all, you're both adults and can do what you want. (yada, yada, yada). I can see how in this age of instant gratification, people would gear towards this way of thinking. This doesn't make it right, in fact it makes it complicated I don't care how old you are. People do not have to wait for anything these days. They can get on their smartphone and get car insurance in less than 30 minutes! They can go to a dating site and get sex in one night if they choose. They can now order alcohol to be delivered within 30 minutes along with food. This is a new world we are living in and you must take into consideration dating should have nothing to do with it!

You are NOT obligated to let a date crash with you or on your couch because they drove a distance or drank too much. It is awkward for one thing and gives the impression that you have no boundaries. This is a mistake because you must be clear that you are a lady with boundaries and NEVER let a man set your boundaries period.


This person is a stranger (or even if you've known this person awhile) and doesn't give them a free night at your place just because you went on a date. Learn how to be direct about this before the date. May I suggest over the phone if they plan a date that may go into the late evening and there is drinking involved, you mention to them that you have an early meeting, workout with your trainer, yoga class, church or whatever so you appreciate the fact that they are driving to see you for a FEW HOURS. (Key word, FEW HOURS)
If they live a good distance away, suggest an earlier time so they have plenty of time to drive back home. An example would be to start the date at 5 pm and remember, you have an early commitment and need to be home by 10 pm. 5 hours is more than enough time for a date that's going well. Make this clear before he comes to take you on a date. If he even suggests crashing at your place, simply ask him if another time would be better. This gives him the hint that you are not going to let him crash and no one night stand is happening.

If your date indulges and drinks too much, that's on HIM.  He can get a hotel or Uber home, after all, you made this clear in the beginning. Not your problem. There is nothing more awkward then having a guy guilt you into crashing at your place on a first date. Learn to say NO! If they get offended because after all, you are both adults, that doesn't give anyone the right to invade your space in fact, since you are an adult woman you have your routine and do not need that extra pressure of an irresponsible or disrespectful person quilting you into crashing at your place after a first date.

If you are a guy, you must go back to the 50's where men courted women. These days’ people are used to getting what they want anytime, anyplace without waiting. Don't get this confused with Dating. Dating and learning about someone is not instantaneous contrary to everything else these days.


Plan earlier dates in the beginning until you get to know this person and they have earned your trust. Some suggestions could be maybe a fun hike or afternoon movie with an early dinner. A nice picnic lunch on the beach or in a nice park setting during the day. These types of dates are almost nonexistent anymore. Let me tell you a lady will be more impressed with a picnic date or even a hike with a picnic basket where you took the time to pick the food out from the deli and get all the utensils, plates, napkins and beverages. This shows a woman you really wanted to make this special. And don't be throwing two bottles of wine and oysters in the basket either! Make it very comfortable for her and don't put unnecessary pressure on her by attempting to get her drunk and taking advantage of the situation.


MEN, Be the MAN. Take charge but don't take advantage. This will score you many, many bonus points. Find out what type of music she likes and bring a playlist to quietly play in the background. It's pretty simple, to make her feel comfortable, you must build and earn trust. Just because you say “you can trust me” doesn't mean a smart lady is going to automatically trust you.  Earn her trust a little at a time. Enjoy the courtship and if things evolve then it's a different set of circumstances that you will both be comfortable with.

Trust me as a single lady over 45 and dating, this is a crazy time right now. I have come across this situation more than once where I will go on a date and my date has too much to drink or just has a long drive home and it is almost expected on his part (he thinks) again, thanks to the instant gratification stage we are in, that he spends the night to avoid a DUI or a long drive. This is why I've been thinking about this and decided to write about it. Your home is your personal space. Just because I went on a date with you doesn't give you rights to my personal home or personal space. If things evolve and we find we like each other and there is a mutual respect, then things can be more intimate but until then, hold yourself back and stop thinking you are entitled to crash at her place because you were irresponsible in your drinking and or your time management.

There is nothing more awkward than having some guy stay at your place after a first date, waking up in the morning sober and thinking how do I get this person to go home. You don't know if you like a person enough to have them stay the night after just one date. This is not the movies, this is real life. You have no clue as to how many other women that person is dating and if they stay with you on the first night, that pretty much means they will do that with someone else too. And LADIES, the men think the same way about having sex with you on the first date. It’s not a good look and unfortunately, they will think you are slutty. (Just throwing that out there) This will immediately ladies, put you in the category of JUST A SEX GIRL. Do you really want to be that girl? Why not be different?

Honestly, there are not a lot of women out there that can set boundaries and stick to them. If you can, this puts you in a greater, smarter, respectable category called “SHE VALUES HERSELF”.  When you are in the “SHE VALUES HERSELF” category, you become to the guy “Operation get that girl before someone else does because they are so few and far between these days”.

I would love to hear your comments and feedback. Please contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

And remember to pick up my helpful dating book called “The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why”.  ”What Every Online Dater Needs to Know” available at Amazon. Paperback or Kindle.

Linda’s Book https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

XOXO, Linda

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Dating UP – It's Worth a Try - By Linda

Hello Readers, Linda here.  Today I would like to talk about ‘Dating Up’. What is dating up? To me dating up means dating someone who is much more attractive than yourself and or has lots of money. First, let’s discuss the money scenario:

A lot of women these days, mostly younger are looking for a Sugar Daddy. They scan a dating site for an older wealthier man that is not so attractive in order to have a chance of a better life. This has been going on for decades. A lot of older, wealthy men will date a younger beautiful young lady for the sex, companionship and eye candy. These men think they can do that because they (on paper) have the financial means to do what they want and what they want, is a young beautiful woman on their arm. The young ladies in this scenario to me are not that bright. In retrospect, a REAL QUALITY MAN wants an equal partner and someone that brings something to the table besides their looks. Generally, there are a lot of very superficial people out there and all they care about is money and looks. Hey, I am all for both but the mistake these ladies are making is they do not realize that this man probably will dump them eventually and they will be left with nothing. They have no work skills to financially make it on their own. This could be catastrophic to a young lady and in my opinion, mothers need to teach their daughters to have their own career and not to depend on a man financially. This is one form of dating up and when you see this couple in town, a lot of people will view them and say “She dated up” or “He dated up”.

The other scenario happened to me recently. I am on the dating app ‘Bumble’. I decided to try it out to see how it works and many different and crazy things have happened to me and today I want to point out this one specifically. In this case I met the guy on Bumble, he is a Firemen who lives down the street from me coincidentally. He was very pleasant on the phone and planned a really fun upcoming date but was not that attractive to me. He had never been married and no children. We spoke and planned our date. Now, do not get the wrong impression, I did not know this guy and he was not attractive to me but he was very nice on the phone and so I thought I would give him a chance. He was ‘dating up’ by dating me, physically. As Patty Stanger always warns about men that “Lead with their Money’, this was definitely the case.

This fireman pulled out all of the stops for me. It was VIP treatment all the way all night with this guy which was very nice. He wanted to impress me with his money since he could clearly see the attraction was not there on my part.

During the evening (We went to a Hockey Game), he drank a lot. I had some alcohol too because well, I thought I would have a good time even though I knew the chemistry wasn’t there. He proceeded to ask me several times if I would spend the night with him throughout the evening and my response was no. He kept drinking. I understand on a lot of first dates especially with a man who is dating up, he gets nervous and needs the liquid courage. I get it and it happens. I felt like he thought he had bought me for the night in other words, I felt like an escort instead of feeling like a friend and someone he would like to get to know. Frankly, he really didn’t care to even talk to me much he was texting on his phone the entire evening which is very rude and a big red flag. Ladies and Gentlemen, Dating Rule 101, PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY on a date!

He then proceeded to place his hand on my A$$ like we were an item or I was an escort. Very rude again. In part, this is the kind of guy that dates up and thinks he can get away with these things because he has a lot of money. Money does not impress me. Manners, respect and common courtesy impresses me. He also became very jealous and did not hide that emotion (which is not good for you guys out there). It showed his insecurity and is not a good look. I honestly felt like he thought I owed it to him to do whatever he asked because he took me on such a VIP date. This is in no way how to treat a lady or how to impress a lady.

The night ended badly. We got in his car and he stopped being the gentlemen he was when we first started out the evening. All manners out the window. In his defense, he was buzzed and did drink too much but that is still no excuse really. He drove home, I slept. I figured I better fall asleep because if I didn’t the conversation wasn’t going to go well.

It was about a 30 minute drive home. I woke up when we got off the freeway which is really close to my place. I guided him to my building and got out of the car and shut the door. I went to turn around to wave a friendly goodbye, but he then proceeded to skid backwards in the cul-de-sac at about 30mph like a little spoiled brat who didn’t get his way.

I got into my condo and fell asleep only to wake up in the morning to two text messages from him. The first one was at 12:22 am and it read:

“Thank you for coming tonight. I don’t think we are a match but I did have fun and I wish you the best with two smiley icons”. (This was good news to me because no, we were not a match).

Then at 10:02 am, I received the second one that read:

“Hey, I did have fun. I had a bit too much to drink and didn’t mean we aren’t a match. I would love to see u again... Have a great day...”  (SMDH)

Ok, Passive Aggressive and full of Drama… I don’t do this…. I replied back with a nice polite little “I think we should be friends”. I have not heard from him again thankfully.

Lots of lessons learned here and I myself even messed this up BIG TIME.

  1. Never have more than 2 drinks on a first date.
  2. If your date is drunk, UBER home or call a friend.
  3. Never get in the car with a drunk person.
  4. Re-evaluate if someone is worth going out with. A nice fun date is not enough and not fair if you are not attracted to the person. Not fair to him.
  5. When a guy leads with his money and proves it, there is a reason. People that have money do not have to brag about it.

I am not very happy with myself for not having better judgement than to allow him to drive me home. This will never happen again.

Please let me know your thoughts and contact me at Linda@LindasDateList.com

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5 Sure Signs you are dating a Gigolo

Be careful of the man who praises woman’s liberation, he is about to quit his job!

Author Unknown

GIGOLO “a young man paid or financially supported by an older woman to be her escort or lover”.

synonyms:

playboy, escort, male escort, paid escort;

 

  1. He Overcompensates on his Delivery Message

The way he will do this is try to convince you that you are beautiful, sexy, and most of all desirable. He will also talk about himself A LOT about how fit he is and how all these other women chase him, but YOU are the ONE he wants… (At the moment at least). He will then brag about how he pleases other women but not say a word about what they look like. He does not say how beautiful they are or anything because he doesn’t want to scare you off…

He posts pictures or sends you pictures of him looking very sexy and enjoying the finer things in life. He does this to turn you on and to pound into your brain that he is just like you and loves the finer things in life, and he does! He will just make sure that you have common interests. Like I said, he does his homework! He’ll be scanning your Social Media and/or Online Dating sites to see your interests and hobbies and Viola! He now has the very same interests and hobbies!

  1. He Knows his Prey VERY WELL

He does his research. He checks out your social media and/or (depending if you are an active Online Dater) he’ll memorize your Online Dating site, Bio and Pictures because he will only contact women who have money. It really does not matter what you look like. IF you are a very attractive woman and you have money, all the better for him and he will want to flaunt that in front of others including women because he is always looking for his next victim. Remember, he can scam many women at once. He’ll want you to get him a smartphone so that you can reach him at any time! Good for you, better for him….Keep in mind he’s probably walking around with several different smartphones and different phone numbers at the same time and not paying a dime for the service either! After all, I did say SMARTPHONE!

If he does not find you attractive, you will most likely be an indoor playmate unless you pay him very well but he will always have his eyes out for his next victim. Trust me when I say this, a lot of older financially wealthy lonely women who are not that attractive are his best targets because to have a man like him on their arm is a total ego booster and they will do ANYTHING to have the appearance of being with a hot young male. He will take advantage of your loneliness and use it to his advantage. Never tell a man you are LONELY! To a GIGOLO that is an Open Door!

This Gigolo will drain your Emotions, Finances and Self-esteem dry. He will also convince you that your friends and family are SO WRONG about him because he is “falling in LOVE with you”!

Notice the L-Word? That will come soon and even sooner especially if he feels like you are on to him. He will break out the L-Word so fast it will have your head spinning with confusion as to HOW can this guy REALLY love me? He will do ANYTHING if he feels you pulling away. HE will be outside washing your Porsche so fast (in his board shorts shirtless), even faster than your 200 horse power engine….

Emotions because he will have you feeling so great about yourself that you will not want to lose that high… EVER… So when it ends, and it WILL END, you will be crushed emotionally and spend thousands of dollars for a therapist (that’s if you have any money left) just to get through it. And let’s not forget that according to the ‘Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’, the rate at which women are committing suicide is growing faster than men in every age group, and is the greatest among middle-aged women. There were six deaths for every 100,000 women aged 45 to 64 in 2014, a number that represents a 63% increase from 1999. During that same period, the suicide rate among men rose by 43%. This can really happen! Depression is a real issue with women after a break-up or after they realize they were taken for their money.

Finances because quite simply, he is after your money. He will have you so hooked you won’t even notice yourself lying in bed with him as he’s telling you how to transfer money from your account to his. He is smart and will take a little at first and then the demands will be higher. He will want his own Bloomingdales and a Black Platinum American Express card. And inside you know that something isn’t right but you choose to ignore it. You also know why he’s doing it but you won’t care because he has you feeling so high on life. Let’s not pretend and ALWAYS pay attention to your GUT Feeling because it is an internal warning something is not right.

Self-Esteem because after he takes all your money, your self-esteem will go right in the toilet because you will HATE yourself for being taken. And, trying to sue a GIGOLO? Go ahead, I have watched many Judge Judy shows where the women NEVER win because she just laughs at you on National Television and tell you to not be so S-T-U-P-I-D! However; there have been some good outcomes for women suing for being taken. See below link by ABC News.

Click this Link to read a true story… http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=5494630

 

  1. He is REALLY Outstanding at SEX

Gigolos are Professional Sex Partners. He will find what makes you tick because number one, he has had much practice and two because it is in his best interests to satisfy you. Good for you, BETTER for him...  I would put him up there in comparison to the best paid hooker/escort on the street. Remember, you work for a living so he has a lot of FREE time to be with his other victims and let’s face it, since he is much younger, he has a lot of stamina. He can perform several times a day without question and you will not even be aware of it.

Let’s be smart here and REALIZE that he probably doesn’t use protection so your chances of contracting an STD are very HIGH, after all, he will have you CONVINCED that you are the only one he’s sleeping with so why would you need protection?

According to the ‘Benjamin Rose Institute on Aging’, It may strike some as surprising, but the rates of sexually transmitted disease (STD) in older adults are rising. Older people who are sexually active may be at risk for diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydial infection, genital herpes, hepatitis B, genital warts, and trichomoniasis.

Almost anyone who is sexually active is also at risk of being infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. Recent statistics from the ‘Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’ (CDC) have shown that the number of new HIV infections is actually growing faster in individuals over 50 than in people 40 years and under, and HIV may just be the tip of the iceberg.

It is essential that older adults and their caregivers get educated about the risks of STDs. Age does not protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. America is also experiencing a high mid-life divorce rate. Consequently, older adults are looking for dates online, which lowers the chance that they know the background and sexual history of people they are dating. Older adults are less likely to perceive themselves at risk.

Many current older adults may have missed the boat when it came to safe sex education. Safe sex and STD prevention education became prevalent in the 1980s when HIV/AIDS was discovered. During that time period, many current older adults were married and middle aged and missed the education that was then directed to youth. The times are truly different for older adults. Women are postmenopausal, so they do not worry about getting pregnant. Women also outnumber men, so the women are more eager to please their partners. That said, men of this generation typically call the shots; for example, men do not prefer wearing condoms.

Older adults are more likely receive diagnosis of a STD when it is too late and then aren't able to benefit from the medications available for treatment of the diseases in the early stages. Many older adults are embarrassed to ask to be tested for STDs. Many other STDs do not have symptoms, so many people don't realize they are infected until serious and possibly permanent damage has occurred. This is commonly the case with HIV/AIDS in older adults. Doctors may also misdiagnose early symptoms of HIV infection - fatigue, weakness, and memory changes - as normal signs of aging. The patients themselves may also disregard these symptoms for the same reason. Older adults who have been diagnosed with full-blown AIDS have higher death rates possibly because of complicating problems like heart disease, diabetes, or an aging immune system.

 

  1. You PAY for EVERYTHING

A Gigolo will not pull out his wallet to pay for anything. Immediately, when you make your first arrangement to meet and have sex, he will ask you to pay his airfare, or even ask for an expensive Uber ride in the Black Car to come to your place. If he is flying from out of state, he will demand you pay for his airfare and he will insist on flying first class. He will also demand that while he is there, you will pay all expenses including Hotel (if needed) food, entertainment and possibly a shopping spree for him. After all he will tell you that what you will get in return will far more exceed what you are paying for. After the first mattress dance, he would have done everything in his power to satisfy you sexually while telling you how beautiful you are. This is all to convince you that he is worth the money.

He may even mention that he loves where you live and wouldn’t it be great to be able to have this great sex every night? HINT – He’s ready to move in especially if he is in your beach-house with all your hard earned money and expensive cars he could be driving around in. He is probably from an area where he has no access to these things but will not tell you that. He will convince you that this is YOUR idea for him to move on in. Pretty soon he will be driving your Porsche or have you down to the European Car Company to buy him his own, after all, why should you give up yours, when you can just get him his own? SMH… This is so hard to believe but trust me when I tell you, this happens every day! Then of course, he will need a Personal Trainer to keep up his physique so you will be getting him one for sure. All the while making your coffee in the morning, cooking for you and satisfying you sexually. Pretty soon this will taper off as he realizes he has you right where he wants you. Then you will need a maid and a cook because he will be so tired from all of his activities and pleasing you, he just doesn’t have the time to be your ‘Domestic House Boy’ but in the beginning this is exactly what you will be doing.

Then there is the family or sick mother or even child support that you will be paying for as well. After all, he cannot get behind on his child support payments and go to jail. He would just miss you so much it would be overwhelming for him… so sad….

In his mind, anything goes when he has you right in the palm of your hand….

  1. He Hits on All of your RICH GIRLFRIENDS

Once he gets into your social circle at the Yacht Club/Country Club, you can officially label yourself Outnumbered. What do I mean by Outnumbered? Simple, you have a few ‘very well to do’ friends just like yourself that are lonely and want what you have. Before you met him, they were your BESTIES!  Aka - Girl Time - It’s all about Bonding – Happy Hour - Who needs a Man?

After they see what you have, they want it too! Pretty soon they will be slipping him their digits and inviting him over when you are not home or out of town on business. Women are EVIL, especially if you have something they want. Why do you think plastic surgery is so popular among older women? They are very competitive against each other.

Once he sees a BBD (Bigger, Better Deal), he will be gone and you will lose what you thought were your friends and him… He will make the rounds around the Yacht Club/Country Club until he has so much money he will leave them all and go play with a younger woman his own age or younger for a while until he exhausts his resources. Then he will move on to the next victim and maybe even keep the younger one around…

My favorite motto I tell my audience and friends is ‘Don’t Advertise Your Man’. Women are sneaky and evil…  Trust No One! But in this whole scenario, this would not be a bad thing because some women will either take this on as a challenge (Seek Immediate Help if You Do) or come to their senses and realize he’s someone else’s problem now…

And the last thing I can advise you is this: Always listen to your family and good friends that are looking after your BEST Interests. You may be blinded and they will see right through a Gigolo…

XOXO,

Linda

Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

 

 

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Dick Pics and my new 30 day challenge! Watch Linda Live

https://youtu.be/HMWv5zAGnjk

Hello Readers, Linda here. Recently I appeared on OCTalkRadio.net to talk about Dick Pic Senders and my new upcoming 90 day challenge where I'll be selecting participants to walk them through a 90 day how to meet your ideal mate.

Click the link above to watch! Please send me your feedback and let me know if you are interested in my 90 day challenge! If you are interested, email me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,
Linda

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Lindasdatelist.com on Facebook!

Hello Readers, please like my brand new Facebook Page! https://www.facebook.com/LindaDateCoach/

 

Contact me Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

UPDATE - Watch and Listen to Linda LIVE on https://www.octalkradio.biz/

Hello Readers,

Update- here is the YouTube link to the show to watch me live, recorded on September 14th!

https://youtu.be/AWRTE2l2QSM

Please watch and let me know what your thoughts are! PS - Don't forget to download my FREE pointers on "The 5 Sure Signs You are Dating a Gigolo" on this page upper right hand corner! 

 

Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

 

 

 

 

 

I am happy to announce that I will be appearing live on OCTalkRadio at 4pm PST, Thursday, September 14th.

You won’t want to miss this episode as I was picked to be the first guest on Steve Cederquist’s first podcast’s out of 100’s of people. Steve is from the show ‘Flip or Flop’ as one of the Contractors.

His podcast is called ‘It’s a Wrap’ and will feature many speakers and subjects. Of course, I will be talking about Online Dating disasters!

My Producer Conrad Bosmans from http://vamomedia.com/  will be appearing with me.

Remember, this will be on the radio and live on CAMERA as well! Just click on the link below at the designated time listed above! 4pm PST, Thursday, September 14th, 2017.

https://www.octalkradio.biz/

From Steve!

Our first show will feature two amazing guests.

1st we have
Linda from the popular website Lindasdatelist.com . Published Author, blogger and online dating and relationship expert. She has over 3 million followers and I promise no subject will be left off the table.

2nd

We have Megan O'Brien, Megan is a writer, publicist, dog rescuer and now inventor of the dogipac and also an amazing and fun person who will keep us all laughing with her cool insights and she'll have some crazy stories as well

Please tune into octalkradio.net on Thursday September 14th at 4pm and again on Thursday September 28th as we will be doing the show twice a month on the 2nd and 4th Tuesday.

Thank you for your support

XOXO,

Linda

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Just a GIG-O-Lo on Facebook - A true story by Linda

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about Facebook and Dating. Ok, so essentially, Facebook has turned into a dating/hook-up/ site unintentionally.

I accepted a friend request from a super-hot looking young man from Long Island. He then sent me a message on messenger after I commented on one of his posts. He wanted my phone number so we could talk. I thought to myself, ‘SELF’, go ahead and see what this young hot man has to say after all this does happen to me a lot where I have the younger men asking me out. ANYHOO, I gave him my digits and to my surprise I was listening to a young gigolo. For those of you who do not know what the definition of a Gigolo is – GIGOLO “a young man paid or financially supported by an older woman to be her escort or lover”.

synonyms:

playboy, escort, male escort, paid escort;

He proceeded to tell me how attractive I was to him and how I didn’t look my age, blah, blah, blah… Then he asked what I did for a living. After I told him, he really amped up his game. He told me how he always wanted to come to California and how much he loved the ocean. Then he got down and dirty and started asking questions about how I like to have sex (very explicitly). I barely did any talking as he would not let me get much of a chance to talk.

When I did get to talk I kept calling him “young” and that really upset him because he said he may be young but he is not immature and took offense to my calling him young. Almost to the point of anger so bad that if he was in front of me I am not sure what if he would resort to violence. So, I just let him go on and calm down, after all I had to get this story out especially because he said he met another woman on Facebook that lives in Miami and when he goes to Miami to DJ, he meets up with her there, spends the night, has sex and leaves in the morning. He described it like you were telling someone how to make coffee… LMAO…. Obviously a professional.

Ladies, if a man you are sleeping with describes you like he’s making coffee, like no big deal, like breathing, that is not ROMANTIC. You want a man to go on and on about how wonderful and beautiful you are and how much he loves you etc. Now that I am writing this, I am coming to the conclusion that this is all part of his game, after all if he described the older lady in Miami as being beautiful and sexy etc. that could blow it for his next potential victim but a lot of women won’t catch this like I just did…. This guy is good…. A woman that would fall for a guy like this would feel that was in her favor because after all, you are much more desirable then how he described her and he will fall madly in love with you and move in and you will have a hot looking guy at your disposal. SIGH – Don’t be one of those women please! Moving on…

Then he proceeded to tell me to look at my calendar in the next couple of weeks to see when I had a weekend open. I played along and picked a date. He then proceeded to tell me that since he was my guest, he would expect me to pay for all of his expenses and since it’s such a long flight, (he was checking flights as I was talking to him), he would have to fly FIRST CLASS. I would be responsible to pay for all food and entertainment and in return I would have the time of my life. OH and he said if I came out to Long Island, he would return the favor and pay for me. ROFLOL

I then politely told him I would have to check with my business partners on the dates and get right back to him. He said “today right”?  “You’ll get back to me today”? I said sure honey, I’ll get right back to you today.

Well, we know that never happened. After the call I blocked him from my phone but kept him as a FB friend and I suppose after a few days, he realized no phone call cometh!

Then he proceeds to post on Facebook little digs and I know they are for me but I am amused that he really thought I was going to fall for that. Even if he was a millionaire and planned a trip and paid for it himself, I am not at all interested. I am not attracted to men that young… Young man, Young man… LOL

This was my first experience with a gigolo in my life. I am writing about it because it is such an ancient term but obviously very alive today. I am wondering if he spends all his time on Facebook scamming women. Or, maybe I would have been cat fished? Who knows, but ladies and gentlemen, do not be fooled by what I just wrote. This could happen to you. I have had many women and men write to me and tell me horror stories of long distance loves where they fly out to the guy/girl, pay for hotel rooms and the guy/girl doesn’t pay a dime. This can be very dangerous not only for you mentally but in some cases physically as well. Just DON”T DO IT! No matter how much in love you think you are….

It takes time to get to know someone and I am not a huge fan of long distance relationships anyway, so my advice would be to try and avoid them altogether.

Many of you might think ‘why does Linda accept such Facebook requests’? Linda will accept a Facebook request if Linda feels like there is a story around the person. This guy was incredibly handsome and I just knew there was a reason why he would send me a request and I was right. Go with your GUT instinct. I wouldn’t suggest the average person to do what I did. The only reason I did is because I am a writer and I want to help people avoid bad situations. This is ME and this is what I do and I do it in a safe manner.

Just another situation to be aware of and keep your guard up for. Gigolo’s do still exist and just be very careful for you could lose your money, your life or your self-respect after all is said and done. It is just not worth it.

I would love to hear your feedback on this subject!

Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Don’t forget to check out my book “The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why” What Every Online Dater Needs to Know

https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1502780372

XOXO,

 

Posted by on in Blog
What’s a ‘COUCH DATE’? By Linda

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about a ‘Couch Date’. What exactly is a ‘Couch Date’? Well it’s a date a guy makes that is essentially come on over and watch a movie and I’ll cook you dinner or we’ll eat out later (take-out)…. Mind you, LADIES, DO NOT do this on the FIRST DATE!

Make the guy court you for a few dates before you accept a Couch Date. If you accept a Couch Date on the first date, you are selling yourself short. In fact, never go to a guy’s home on the first date because you are essentially giving him no room to hunt you down…. Men are Hunters by nature…

Back to the Couch Date… So, you have had a few great dates and it’s time to get casual which is totally fine especially if both of you are working professionals and short on time… After all, you don’t need to go out every night!

What does a lady wear to a Couch Date? I guarantee you when you show up to his place for the Couch Date, he will be wearing shorts, flip flops and a tee-shirt…. Actually, that is as sexy to us as women. We really like guys when they wear this type of apparel for the Couch Date… It’s super cute BUT don’t get carried away and think you can dress the same for the very first Couch Date! Ladies ‘HOLD YOUR LIPSTICK’!

For your very first Couch Date you should still be super cute… I suggest a cute pair of jeans, wedges or sexy shoes and an off the shoulder cute blouse…. Lipstick, full make-up and perfume of course…. If he says ‘Why did you get so dressed up just to watch a movie’? You let him know that this is your casual. Trust me, no guy is going to kick you out the door for looking casual/sexy…..  It’s when you show up in pajama pants and slippers he will think twice on the first Couch Date….

This shows him that you respect yourself enough to pretty up for yourself and him and think about this: what if the Couch Date goes really bad? If so, you can politely leave and still go out with your girlfriends… AKA – Plan B…. Always have a Plan B and an Exit Strategy…..

If the first Couch Date goes well and all he wants to do is Couch Dates and stop taking you out, then we have a problem… Couch Dates are reserved for those weeks where you just want to relax….. If he doesn’t want to do anything but Couch Dates from then on, you must stop accepting his Couch Dates until he makes a real date…. And if he doesn’t then you have turned from dream girl to doormat… and a lady of your stature won’t put up with that…..

Ok, second Couch Date…. It is acceptable to wear something a little more casual like a sundress and cute flip flops, I’m not talking ugly worn out flip flops…. Nice in good shape flip flops and a sundress that is in good shape not with bleach stains or holes….

When you use the restroom at his home, pay attention to see if the toilet seat is up or down… The toilet seat should always be DOWN. This is just respectful… If he leaves the toilet seat up then well, he is short on manners after all, he knew you were coming over so the restroom should be clean and the toilet seat down with TOILET PAPER in the holder…. If the TOILET PAPER is laying on the floor or even worse you have to search for it then that is a RED FLAG… He should respect you enough to think of these things…

Beverages... he should have water, wine or cocktails for you there. Don’t offer to bring something on the first Couch Date…. Later on, if things go well, you can certainly BYOW (Bring your own wine)…. He should be thinking of all these things before you come over… In fact a really great Couch Dater will ask you what you would like to drink while you watch the movie….

Let’s talk about the choice in movies on the Couch Date… it should be a chick flick one night and a wam bam shoot-em up movie the next. And, if it is something you have already seen, don’t settle, and just suggest a movie that you both have not seen yet…. It’s perfectly OK to voice your opinion after all men are pleasers and you should indulge him in letting him please you. Same thing goes for the choice in food... If it’s something you do not want, tell him… Trust me, a decent guy will appreciate a lady who knows what she wants and voices her opinion…..

I would love to hear your feedback on Couch Dating so please contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Please check out my book “The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why” at Amazon and Kindle…. Click here to order https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

XOXO, Linda

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Posted by on in Blog
Has Facebook Turned into a Dating Site?

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about Facebook. Years ago when Facebook first started, it was fun and a great way to get in touch with old family members and schoolmates etc. It has brought a lot of people together that have lost touch over the years. Myself personally, I LOVE Facebook because it keeps me informed about family members that I love and care about and friends.
However; in the last year or so I have noticed that it is more like a dating site these days. I accept a lot of friend requests if we have mutual friends and after I look at their account, I decide whether to accept them or not. This has posed a problem because I also have Facebook Messenger where I get many friends of friends that hit me up for dates all the time. It’s like I accept their invite and 60 seconds later BOOM, I get a notification on messenger flirting with me. UGH!
This is annoying because in my case I am a lady and I get many guys that I am not the least bit attracted to hitting on me… Just because I accepted your request, does not mean I want to be your girlfriend or meet for coffee or whatever. I, like many of you have a busy life and do not always have time to meet all of my friends on Facebook especially if they are hitting on me….
Then comes the question, do I unfriend them or block them? Yes, I have done that a lot but what about if you have mutual friends that you talk to or see frequently? This puts me in an awkward position.
My profile may say I am single but that doesn’t mean I am not dating someone at the time. I would never change my status unless it was a very serious relationship and that takes time. So, let’s make one thing clear, just because it says single on my status, does not mean I am available. I may be dating someone really special and am off the market so to speak.
I am sure this works both ways and I am sure this happens to the guys as well and I feel sorry for them( a little) because let’s face it they are guys and they love to feed their ego. (Sorry, not sorry). I just know men too well. But I am sure there are exceptions to this too.
Another thing that blows me away is the “People You May Know” section on Facebook. These are the people that are looking at your profile. Most of the guys looking at mine are married or in a relationship yet they are constantly looking. I am tired of seeing the same old faces on there not to mention then I get their wives or girlfriends looking too. Hey, I am NOT DOWN for a Love Triangle situation whatsoever!
Why are you looking? Ok, I may be pretty but I am not posting risqué pictures or anything like that at all so the fact is that they will look for a week or two and then the request comes in. If I accept, then the messenger comes…. It’s a vicious cycle….
Something not everyone knows is Facebook does indeed have a dating site called Facebook Dating. In fact there are at least 8 that I just did a search for that came up on Facebook. So, why doesn’t Facebook advertise this? Not really sure but why not go on there to look for a date?
Another thing, many times I have gone a date (one date) and it didn’t work out for various reasons and the next thing I know that person shows up in the “People You May Know” section… How does that happen? STALKERS….. This does not make me happy….
Remember there are many Online Dating sites you can go on to look for a date like Plenty of Fish, Tinder, and Match.com etc. so why not go there? Truth is most of the single people on Facebook are on a dating site or two.
Then you have the friends that you did meet that it didn’t work out that are relentless in asking you out again. No matter what I tell them they just do not give up. Guys need a lot of help in this situation trust me. Yes, I am a really nice person and I like all my Facebook Friends but you have to draw the line somewhere.
Please let’s all keep this in mind before you do any of the above listed on Facebook. It’s perfectly fine to be friends, if you go to a mutual event and run into someone on your list and like that person that is perfectly OK too. By all means, pursue that if there is mutual interest. I am in no way saying you can’t meet the love of your life on Facebook because it does happen but go about it in a respectful way.
Don’t be a Facebook STALKER!

I would love to hear your comments, opinions and suggestions on this topic!
Please contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com
XOXO, Linda

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