Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about a TRUE STORY about a dangerous and violent predator who is hitting on women through Facebook and is also on Plenty of Fish. This is a very, very extremely important true story that is so crazy that you should really pay attention and ask yourself if you are in this ‘situation’ right now or have been. I found a very brave lady who was willing to share her story with me in order to heal, gain her self-confidence back and most importantly, help other women. I am keeping her name out of this blog in order to protect her identity and keep her safe. I will refer to her as Sara (not her real name). I will however use his real name ‘Steve’.

This is her story.

Sara is a recovering Alcoholic and drug addict. (5 years sober). Sara was adopted. Sara dropped out of school at 16 to get married. Sara had been abused early in life that left her very vulnerable, even in her adult years. Sara is in her 50’s.

Linda’s tip – When you are in recovery, you are not supposed to be involved with an ‘Active User’. This is something that he lied about and Sara didn’t find out until after her first visit that he was an ‘Active User’.

Sara joined Facebook years ago and one day he ‘friended her’ on Facebook out of the blue. Turns out that they had went to the same High School and hung around the same crowd over 30 years ago. Sara does not remember Steve from High School but knew his family name. Steve has lots of siblings and to this day they want nothing to do with him.

Linda’s tip – When interested in someone you meet online, always ask about their family and see if they are involved with their family. In Steve’s case, none of his siblings want anything to do with him and that is a BIG RED FLAG!

After Sara accepted his Facebook request, he immediately started using Facebook Messenger to contact her and they started messaging continuously every day. Steve was very charming and funny. Soon after, they spoke over the phone for the first time for 4 hours. They began a long distance relationship. Steve told her he LOVED her in the first two weeks of speaking with her. (Another Big Red Flag) How could anyone fall in love in two weeks without even spending time together?

Steve lives in another state far away. A few weeks later he asked her to come and visit him and she accepted. She bought her ticket, booked her rental car and a hotel for 3 weeks because it turns out Steve was homeless. She paid for everything.

Linda’s tip – Never, EVER fly to another state to meet a guy that you haven’t even spoke to or know anything about even if you went to the same high school for over 30 years! A lot happens to everyone in 30 years. I would certainly call this person a complete stranger. A Big RED FLAG is that he didn’t offer to come to her and he didn’t even offer to purchase her ticket, rental car or the Hotel room! This can only indicate that this Steve doesn’t have a pot to piss in and no money or RESPECT for Sara. Also, an indication of a very selfish person. He obviously did not care how much money Sara spent. Steve is clearly a very dangerous Narcissist. Below is a definition of a Narcissist by Dr. Jeanne King PhD.

7 Narcissist Behaviors

1) No Empathy

These people truly don’t have the capacity for empathy. They do not have the ability to authentically embrace the experiential world of another person unless for selfish gain. In other words, these people can put on a good “caring” show in their effort to manipulate others for their own personal benefit. But they won’t and can’t stand in the shoes of another, genuinely.

2) No Remorse

These people don’t feel bad about any wrongdoing of theirs. Why? There is no conscience, no compassion, or concern about the impact of their behavior on others, even those they love. From the narcissistic abuser’s point of view, the other person deserves what they got because the narcissistic abuser is has no conscience.

3) Entitled

These people hold rights—in their perverted thinking—that others would never assume. They live in a world in which they have privilege to that which is beyond your imagination. Whether they are objectifying you, raping you or ruling your life, they believe that they deserve what they seek, when and where they seek it because it is already theirs—before the ask.

4) Deceptive

They will tell you whatever they believe you need to know in order to get what they are attempting to extract from you. To these people, a lie is not a lie; it’s a mechanism to leverage outcome. A misrepresentation of information is the twisting of facts designed to convert another into compliance with respect to that which they pursue.

5) Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde

These people will project a persona that is 180 degrees from who and what they really are. Whether priest, doctor or politician, they are not as they wish to have you believe. For example, they can be an attorney allegedly protecting an elderly woman from financial exploitation; all while emotionally manipulating/exploiting her, by using her as a flying monkey/agent in a mission to influence the behavior of her daughter.

6) Emotionally Dependent

These people require the emotional support and admiration of their narcissistic supply as oxygen to sustain them. They truly cannot function naturally and normally without the object of their narcissistic abuse serving as the foundation for their existence.

7) Uses Battering for Control

And when their narcissistic supply is in question, battering becomes the way to level the playing field. It is their means to shift the power and control within the relationship. It’s their way to tip the scale, so they gain the advantage they need to feel on top again.

This battering may present as verbal abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse or physical abuse. It’s the striking/maneuvering intended to diminish and dis-empower so as to nourish the deficiency in oneself.

Sara’s first trip to to meet Steve

Before Sara left to to meet Steve, he accused her of having sex with other men through text from a bar and was clearly drunk. (No Excuse). The next day he called to apologize and Sara forgave him because of her involvement in NA who teaches tolerance, patience and understanding. She later found out he was drinking every day.

Sara arrived in and picked up her rental car and was on her way to the Restaurant that they agreed to meet at. Sara had never been to this state and was lost with the directions that Steve had given to her so she called him and asked which freeway to take. Steve’s response was something like this “B****, if you cannot even figure out how to get here, get your ASS back on the plane and go home”  His response was clearly a Big Red Flag and you would think any normal person would do exactly what he said however; this is not always the case. Clearly Steve was showing his bad side in order to gain control of her when she got there. This is what Narcissists do. Steve absolutely knew that Sara was vulnerable and would find her way there and was setting the boundaries before she arrived.  Abused women will all too often fall victim to this Jekyll and Hyde behavior in order to please him because when he is pleased with her, it makes her believe all is well with her. She will see his behavior towards her as a reflection of herself and therefore, put up with this verbal abuse in order to please him and make herself feel better. When in fact the whole time she had the strength and self-respect inside her the entire time but did not know this yet.

Please note that this takes time and therapy in order to understand and an abused woman has to hit her ‘Rock Bottom’ in order to break the cycle. Again, this is a very serious issue that women and men face. I am in no way placing blame on Sara. She has come a long way to even tell her this very frightening story which is a huge step in her recovery.

Sara found her way there. When she got out of the car to greet him, her GUT INSTINCT told her to get in the car and go back to the Airport but she ignored it.

Linda’s Tip – Always listen to your GUT INSTINCT, it will NEVER steer you wrong.

Sara was not attracted to Steve in the least. He was shorter and not as good looking as the pictures he had posted on Facebook. Sara justified being there because she had fallen for his softer side and had invested so much into the long distance relationship she was willing to give it a shot. She followed Steve into the Restaurant and they ordered food and ate which she paid for.  Then they go back to the Hotel Room which was right across the street conveniently. When they got to the room, immediately he ordered her to drop her pants and he had sex with her. Notice, he only wanted her to drop her pants not get naked and be romantic. When he was finished that was it. No pleasing for Sara.

Refer to #3 below:

3) Entitled

These people hold rights—in their perverted thinking—that others would never assume. They live in a world in which they have privilege to that which is beyond your imagination. Whether they are objectifying you, raping you or ruling your life, they believe that they deserve what they seek, when and where they seek it because it is already theirs—before the ask.

Linda’s Tip – Sara unfortunately never did her research on Steve before she went to meet him. Later after many trips to visit him she googled him out of curiosity and this is what she discovered.

MUGSHOTS LINK BELOW

http://mugshots.com/search.html?q=Steven%20Renteria&c=120185

The next few days in the hotel, Steve slept a lot indicating him coming off of a drug. Sara asked him if he did drugs and he admitted to using before she got there. Sara felt sorry for him and bought him clothes, shoes and a brand new phone. Sara says the last couple of days before she left he accused her of having sex with her own son. He was drinking heavily the last few days of her trip. When Sara left, he cried and said to her ‘I didn’t think I would fall for you but I did. Then she left to return home.

When Sara got home he became obsessed and called her right away. If Sara ignored the call, he got more possessive and jealous and verbally abusive so Sara always made sure to answer his calls. Refer to #6 below:

6) Emotionally Dependent

These people require the emotional support and admiration of their narcissistic supply as oxygen to sustain them. They truly cannot function naturally and normally without the object of their narcissistic abuse serving as the foundation for their existence.

While at home Steve always insisted on seeing a pic of her vagina. He wanted to make sure she was not having sex with anyone else. (Obsessive)

Sara’s Second Trip to meet Steve

Sara went back to visit him about 4-6 weeks later and stayed for an entire month. Paid for the same hotel, flight and rental car. When she checked into the hotel, the hotel manager asked her why she came back. Even the hotel manager knew about Steve and his violent ways. During her stay there for a month she kicked him out of the hotel several times but always allowed him to come back. One of the nights that Sara kicked Steve out of the hotel she saw an overweight red headed, big bellied woman pick him up which he later admitted to having sex with her. The reason she kicked him out that day is he threw the remote control at her head and then continued to throw things at her whatever he could find.

When Sara stood up he pushed her to the ground. He then tried to hit Sara and he stopped himself and she asked him ‘Is that what you like is to see me in fear?’ Refer to # 2 below:

2) No Remorse

These people don’t feel bad about any wrongdoing of theirs. Why? There is no conscience, no compassion, or concern about the impact of their behavior on others, even those they love. From the narcissistic abuser’s point of view, the other person deserves what they got because the narcissistic abuser is has no conscience.

Steve walked away but continued his verbally abuse. He wanted Sara to leave and then he came towards Sara and Sara put her foot up to stop him from coming at her and he took a swing and hit Sara’s arm and jaw. Sara left the hotel but before leaving, she took all of his stuff and threw it outside and then Sara too off in the car for a few hours. When Sara returned to the hotel room he knocked on the door and apologized and she told him he smells like fish.(hmmmm) He then quickly went and took a shower.

They then left together it was Thanksgiving and they ended up at one of Steve’s friend’s house. It was very tense the entire time. After dinner, they left to go back to the hotel. It was snowing and even though Steve had been drinking heavily, she let him drive and they made it back safely because Sara does not know how to drive in the snow.

Linda’s Tip – Never EVER get into a car with a person that has been drinking!

While Sara was there she ended up buying a DVD player and movies and she sat and watched movies for the next couple of days she was there. Two days later, she left to go home but not before paying for one more week in the hotel for Steve to stay. Sara has two sons and she promised them she would never go back but secretly talking to him on the phone. She had told her sons several incidents but then later lied and told her sons she made it up. (Typical abused women behavior) The reason people lie about being abused is to protect the abuser.

It was nearing Christmas and Steve had moved in with a couple lesbians (so he claimed but was not true). Sara sent him a lot of Christmas presents for Christmas. He would never talk to Sara in front of the ladies. Sara found out later he was having sex with one of the roommates. Somehow Sara and this other women started talking and that’s how she found out about them.

Linda’s Tip – Do not send presents to abusers!

Sara’s Third Trip to Steve

Before Sara got on the plane she saw on Facebook from a female that he had been cheating on her several times throughout their relationship. This female said she met him on Plenty of Fish. Sara had no idea he was on a dating site.

His Plenty of Fish profile as of 12/3/2016 http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=133134016

Linda’s Tip – If you meet a guy or girl, ask them up front if they are on any dating sites. If they say yes and the relationship gets serious, the person on the dating site should remove themselves. Always check.

Sara decided to go and visit Steve again in January 2016 for another month. Same deal, paid for the hotel, flight and rental car. At that time he had found a job and bought her a scarf. During this visit the other woman would send Sara text messages from Steve. Sara and this female shared text messages and he was seeing them both at the same time.

One day he said to Sara ‘I want to go and have a nice dinner with you and my son’ which Sara paid for. In the car Steve was causing a scene in front of his own son and also verbally abused his own son. Sara remembers looking in the back seat at his son and his son was TERRIFIED of his own father. When they arrived at the restaurant, Steve called Sara a ‘Stupid B****’ inside the restaurant because she didn’t have snow boots on. Then his son said something jokingly to his dad trying to lighten things up and his dad made a scene in the restaurant. Everyone started staring at them. Steve started dragging his son outside by the wrists and telling him ' You want me to take you outside and show you hoe NOT to talk to me?  Then he came back in and then asked the waitress to take a picture of the three of them and Sara and his son were too scared to say no, so they faked a smile. Then after dinner they dropped his son off and went back to the hotel.

Linda'sTip - It is NOT OK to abuse anyone, child or adult!

The next day they picked his son up and went to Walmart. He told his son in front of Sara that he needed to save money to buy Sara a ring. Sara was embarrassed because she knew she would never wear a ring from Walmart but never said anything.  (More manipulation) Refer to # 4 below:

4) Deceptive

They will tell you whatever they believe you need to know in order to get what they are attempting to extract from you. To these people, a lie is not a lie; it’s a mechanism to leverage outcome. A misrepresentation of information is the twisting of facts designed to convert another into compliance with respect to that which they pursue.

The next day Sara left to go home in the snow. Steve posted on Facebook to please pray for my girlfriend because it was snowing and she was on her way home. Refer to above #4.

Sara’s Fourth Trip to Meet Steve

Sara returned a couple weeks later. The two ladies he was living with who were supposedly lesbians wanted to meet Sara so they came to the hotel. When the girls arrived, all four of them went to the bar to have fun. One of the ladies told Sara ‘I am not dealing with him if he gets drunk and confessed to Sara about Steve’s use of drugs and alcohol. Sara then asked the girls if they were lesbians and the denied it. The one girl told Sara she met him on Plenty of Fish. She said that he often acted crazy and abused her and she put him in jail after the abuse. She also said he threatened to kill her if he went to jail which he did. Refer to the mugshot link above.

Despite all of that from the girls, Sara decided to rent a house with Steve and they found one and she put a down payment on the house. She left to go home and packed her apartment up to move.

He went to jail shortly after she put the money down for the house for 32 days for violation of his probation. He is a repeat offender of domestic violence. After he got out of jail, he told Sara he would begin to go sober.

Sara’s fifth and LAST trip to Meet Steve

Sara assumed he was having sex with the girl across the street from the house he was staying in. Sara only stayed for nine days this time. Her 5^th day of her nine day trip he was still abusing her. He came home from work and asked me where Sara was. Sara was at the house the whole time. He called her the ‘C’ word, pushed her, slammed her against the door then goes upstairs and tells her to leave. Sara went upstairs to reason with him and he started throwing things at her. As she was trying to duck he called her a dumb B**** and then quickly apologized and hugged Sara. Then he told her to leave. Refer to # 7 below:

7) Uses Battering for Control

And when their narcissistic supply is in question, battering becomes the way to level the playing field. It is their means to shift the power and control within the relationship. It’s their way to tip the scale, so they gain the advantage they need to feel on top again. This battering may present as verbal abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse or physical abuse. It’s the striking/maneuvering intended to diminish and dis-empower so as to nourish the deficiency in oneself.

Sara started to pack up her things and while she was packing he stood above her and clocked her on the side of her face and kicked her on her arm. Sara screamed and he got angrier. He told Sara to ‘Call the Cops’ but Sara was too frightened. He kept saying he was sorry. He hurt her real bad this time. Sara then was leaving and trying to say goodbye and he told her to stop staring at him and went upstairs. Sara was distraught, she had just been beaten and now he was ignoring her. Sara decided again to go upstairs and he was already on the phone with another woman. He always cried when she left but not this time. He followed her downstairs and told her he loved her and kissed her goodbye. Sara cried a lot and felt emotionally lost as to what to do. She came to her senses and decided she needed to get on the plane and get into a safe location.

When Sara went home after nine days, she called the owner of the home and cancelled. The owner told her I knew there was something up with that guy as soon as I saw him and told Sara she made the right decision. Then when she got off of the plane, her son picked her up from the Airport. She was able to hide her trauma that she had just been through. Her son then gave her an ultimatum and said to her ‘if you ever go back, I will never talk to you again’.

I am happy to announce that Sara has not been back and is working hard to get better emotionally.

I encouraged her to go to women’s shelters and tell her story. That is what will heal her. It’s a very powerful story.

I too was physically beat up by my son’s dad and I too was afraid to call the police. I stayed only a couple more months then I left and never went back. This is not uncommon. Don’t judge women or men who have made some horrible decisions because you have not been there and walked in their shoes.

I want to thank Sara for her bravery and trust in sharing her story with me in order to help other victims. My heart goes out to you and I know you are a beautiful and strong woman and you will heal from this trauma just like I did. It’s a learning experience and something you had to go through in order to gain strength and wisdom to help other people.

Linda's FINAL Tip - The abusers DO NOT CHANGE. They promise to change but NEVER do. They are not capable of it. They just keep looking for their next victim.

2 Corinthians 1:4 (CEB)God’s the one who comforts us in all our trouble so that we can comfort other people who are in every kind of trouble. We offer the same comfort that we ourselves received from God.

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Please contact me with any questions or concerns at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Also, please check out my book about my true story of Sexual Assault and Sexual Harassment.

https://www.amazon.com/Nowhere-Hide-Harassment-Assault-2015-01-19/dp/B01FIZMOQY

Another great book about domestic violence survivors:

https://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Be-Free-Easy-To-Read/dp/1878067060/ref=cm_lmf_img_2

XOXO,

Linda