New Video -Let's Talk about Coffee Dates - Do's and Don'ts

https://twitter.com/LindasDateList/status/1578902624535203840?s=20&t=BvFAahzOKzv-7ZEEjaJKTQ

Contact me - Linda@Lindasdatelist.com 

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about Chivalry. Recently, a friend of mine went on a Tinder Date. The guy was persistent and so they scheduled a mid-day coffee date. 

As she walked into the super cool coffee shop, she noticed him right away already sitting at a table with coffee in hand. She then walked over to him and introduced herself. She then said to him "oh I see you already have your coffee"?  He replied yes and did not offer to go and order hers. So, not wanting to be rude and keep it classy, she went to the counter and ordered her own coffee, and proceeded to sit down.

Below are three BIG DEAL BREAKERS he already committed in the first 30 minutes:

1. When he got to the coffee shop before her, he should have called and asked what she would like and had it ready and paid for.

2. When she approached him, he should have immediately stood up and pulled her chair out, asked her what she would like, and go and order it for her.

3. It's a cup of coffee FFS, it cost around $2 dollars. Don't be a CHEAP A$$ and pay for the dam coffee. 

The story continues - They drank their coffee, made small talk and he said he had to go. So they both got up, walked to the exit and he said goodbye and left. She never heard from him again and didn't want to at that point.

Below are three more  BIG DEAL BREAKERS he committed:

1. When they got up to leave, he didn't get her chair.

2. When they got to the exit, he didn't hold the door for her.

3. He did not walk her to her car.

The moral of this true story is this. If you are not happy with the person's looks or whatever, ALWAYS keep it CLASSY! AlWAYS!..  Even if you feel no connection with the person, you should always be a gentleman. Remember, other people, are always watching when you are in a public place. If I were sitting in the coffee shop, I would have KNOWN right away this guy is a total JERK! People do watch these things, in fact, "people watching" is a very popular pass-time. 

By the way, my friends' pictures on tinder were very recent and not deceiving at all. I am not sure what he was expecting but if you do not feel attracted to the person, do not go out with them. 

My advice for the Ladies.... If any of the above Deal Breakers happen on a first date (especially) they will happen all the time. A man that is committed will have no issue paying for you $2 coffee. Do not go out with a man like this. He definitely showed signs of being selfish and out for himself only and not committed to putting any work into a relationship, even if it's just a friendly relationship. Do not be that lady who accepts this sort of behavior.

I would love to hear your opinions on this. Please contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda 

Hello readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about the #METOO movement and Online Dating. Do you think that the #METOO has affected the Online Dating Industry? I don’t think that the Online Dating industry has lost any members due to it but I do think it has made a lot of men very cautious. In fact, it has been my experience that men are asking a lot of questions that they normally would not.

I have had men ask me if it is ok to call me beautiful or does that offend me. I have to laugh or I will just cry. It is SAD that a man has to ask to be a MAN and be CHIVALROUS when speaking to a lady. REALLY? Has the #METOO movement made men afraid to treat a woman like a lady? What I mean by that is men should not be afraid to open the door, bring flowers, and pay for the date etc. in order to not OFFEND a FEMINIST!

Let’s be CLEAR about what the #METOO is all about.

The #MeToo movement (or #MeToo movement), with many local and international alternative names, is a movement against sexual harassment and sexual assault.^[1][2][3] #Me Too spread virally in October 2017 as a hashtag on social media in an attempt to demonstrate the widespread prevalence of sexual assault and harassment, especially in the workplace.^[4][5][6] It followed soon after the sexual abuse allegations against Harvey Weinstein.^[7][8] Tarana Burke, an American social activist, and community organizer began using the phrase "Me Too" as early as 2006, and the phrase was later popularized by American actress Alyssa Milano, on Twitter in 2017. Milano encouraged victims of sexual harassment to tweet about it and "give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem".^[9][10] This was met with the success that included but was not limited to high-profile posts from several American celebrities, including Gwyneth Paltrow,^[11] Ashley Judd,^[12] Jennifer Lawrence,^[13] and Uma Thurman.^[14]

The actresses mentioned above are all feminists. I am not saying they are wrong by any means. We all know this is a real and dangerous issue not only in Hollywood but to anyone including men. I am just saying that unless you are a predator, then this should really not apply to the general way a man should treat a lady on a date.

I am not a feminist in any way. I want to be treated and respected like the lady I am. I say go back to the ’50s and re-learn how men treated ladies back then and there will be fewer break-ups. I don’t care what some feminists say, they all want to be treated right. Or, maybe they are just pro- #METOO when it suits them? Like in the workplace? Hey, I am all about respect and boundaries in and out of the workplace but men should not be afraid to be MEN! In fact, (no offense to the men out there) I am finding that it is extremely hard to find a MANLY MAN these days. Most of them are older and wiser because this is how they were brought up. The younger men are now being groomed to act more like the way the world is today instead of the old-fashioned way.

A sad fact is there are a lot of Single Mothers raising little boys all alone with no father figure in the home which attributes to a lot of men not really knowing how to treat a lady and vice-versa.  Attention Single Mothers and Single Fathers raising young men and young women, since there is no father or mother around, it is your responsibility to teach your young boys and girls how to treat girls and how to treat boys! Yes, men need to be respected too. This is not a one-sided opinion.

I was that single girl once but I taught my son manners, pump the gas, open the doors, help me bring in the groceries, talk to a lady in a respectful way etc. By the way, my son still does all of these things for me.

I learned this from my father who lived it and taught me how I should be treated by a man. This also applies to Single Mothers and Single Fathers raising young ladies. You need to teach them how to respect themselves and how to respect men too. Just think if this was happening in every single-parent household how much better Online Dating would be.

HERE IS WHAT MEN ARE THINKING - Should I pay for the date? Should I open the door or pull out her chair? Can I hold her hand as we are crossing the street? Can I call her pretty or beautiful without offending her or is that sexual harassment? GIVE ME A BREAK! To me and to a real Man this is a no-brainer. I am 100% in favor of the old-fashioned way.  Below are some facts that are definitely a #METOO Violation:

According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics:

Rape - Forced sexual intercourse including both psychological coercion as well as physical force. Forced sexual intercourse means penetration by the offender(s). Includes attempted rapes, male as well as female victims, and both heterosexual and same-sex rape. Attempted rape includes verbal threats of rape.

Sexual assault - A wide range of victimizations, separate from rape or attempted rape.  These crimes include attacks or attempted attacks generally involving unwanted sexual contact between victim and offender.  Sexual assaults may or may not involve force and include such things as grabbing or fondling.  It also includes verbal threats.

According to statista.com:

The reported forcible rape rate in the United States from 1990 to 2017. In 2017, the nationwide rate was 30.7 cases per 100,000 of the population. The total number of rape cases in the United States stood at 99,856 in 2017.

Below are some General Rules that both sexes should follow when online dating.

1. Men- It is OK to pay for the date. In fact, I highly recommend a man pays for the date.
2. Men- It is OK to open the door for the lady, just don’t grab her in an inappropriate way as she walks through.
3. Men- It is OK to pull the chair out while dining. In fact, I highly recommend it not just because it is a sweet gesture and other men and women will take notice. Maybe you are inspiring another person to act like this. THUMBS UP!
4. Men- It is OK to tell a lady she is pretty or beautiful. Just don’t say sexy if you do not know her yet. To me, that is just classless. Sexy implies to me that we have been intimate.
5. Men and Women- The general rules apply like NO is still NO! (Non-negotiable) Just respect the lady and treat her as such and it will get a man much further.
6. Men- Slipping a drug in your dates drink in order to have sex (COSBY) is not only illegal but totally unacceptable!

WARNING!  Ladies, never leave your drink alone and go to the restroom with a guy you just met. DON’T DO IT. Finish your drink first or take it with you. Better to be safe than sorry. If you finish your drink and go to the restroom and he asks if you want another, tell him you haven’t decided yet. Do not let him order a drink without you there.

DON’T BE “THAT WOMAN”!

Then you have the women who are DESPERATE and they will let any guy treat her in any way just to get attention. This is not OK, especially in the Online Dating world. In my opinion, there are too many women on Online Dating sites that do not respect themselves and therefore will put up with bad behavior from men. This makes it very hard for the ladies who are looking to be treated with respect.

A Clear example is a Dick Pic. Some women have told me that they are OK with this. Really? I don’t get it? Sending an unsolicited Dick Pic to a lady is just plain wrong and rude. In my mind, the only women that PRETEND to like this are women with no respect for themselves and low self-esteem who are willing to overlook this and act excited in order to get a date. I am not sure you would even call it a date if you go out with a guy that does this. Pretty much they will have sex the first time they meet a guy like this and if you are a woman who encourages Dick Pic’s then don’t complain that a guy doesn’t respect you or doesn’t call you back except for a booty call! I don’t want to hear it. Now, this would clearly be a violation to the #METOO people for sure. Then again, if you are dating someone and in a relationship, by all means, send a Dick Pic if requested. Two completely different scenarios.

DATE RAPE:

According to youthspecialties.com:

10 FACTS ABOUT DATE RAPE

1. Date Rape is forced or coerced sex between; partners, dates, friends, friends of friends or general acquaintances. (The actual definition of date rape for legal purposes may vary from state to state, but generally involves any attempts or actual act of forcing someone to have any type of sex against their will or drugging the date so that the victim no longer has the capacity to resist or say “no.”)
2. Date Rape can be coerced both physically and emotionally – some emotional tactics include; threats to reputation, threats to not like you, name-calling, saying you “brought it on” or “really want it”, threats to break up and threats to say you did it even if you didn’t.
3. If a person has had too much to drink or is on drugs they cannot consent to sex and having sex with them is legally rape.
4. There are certain date rape drugs that render the victim unconscious and limit memory; using these drugs on somebody carries harsher penalties than date rape and is a federal crime with a possible 20-year sentence. (See: 1996 Drug-Induced Rape Prevention and Punishment Act)
5. Rohypnol, GHB, ActiveSeX, Roofies, Ruffies, Roche, R-2, Rib and Rope are all names describing a date rape drug. These drugs are odorless and tasteless and difficult to detect when in drinks or mixed with other drugs.
6. Date rape drugs may be difficult to trace but evidence of intercourse is not, and in cases where the use of these drugs is suspected, evidence of rape standards are lower.
7. If you don’t want to have sex, say NO like you mean it and fight it off if you have to – despite urban myths, people who fight off a rapist are more likely to stop the rape.
8. Date Rape is the most common form of rape (78%) with 1 in 4 girls expected to fall victim to rape or attempted rape before they reach 25, and 3 out of 5 rapes occurring before a woman reaches age 18.
9. Although girls are more often victims of rape, guys are not safe – they can be raped too.
10. NO MEANS NO! If a person says no to sex (no matter how quietly or unconvincingly) and you go ahead with it anyway, that is rape.
11. EXTRA FACT: Revenge porn is a real thing and is now an illegal act, punishable by fines and possible jail time.
12. EXTRA, EXTRA FACT: If digital media is shared depicting sex acts, and one participant is a legal minor, the sender just committed a crime by sending child porn and can be charged as a sex crime, meaning the sender can become a registered sex offender.

DATE RAPE VICTIMS SHOULD IMMEDIATELY TAKE THESE STEPS:

• Call the police to report the rape. Many rapists continue to rape until they’re caught. Reporting the crime can help stop the rapist from victimizing others.
• Call a rape crisis hotline to talk with a counselor. If you don’t know a local number, call the national hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
• As soon as possible, get to the emergency room for a rape kit exam. Don’t shower, wash, douche, or change clothes. Valuable evidence could be destroyed.
• Call a trusted friend or relative you can talk to. Don’t isolate yourself, don’t try to suppress your feelings, and don’t try to ignore it.
• Get counseling to help deal with the emotional trauma. If you don’t know where to go, call your local public health department. They can refer you.

In short, just be a good guy. Be respectful to the lady you are speaking with. Do not put sexual content in your online dating profile like “must love sex”. All people on online dating sites know that if they meet someone they like, they may want to be intimate and we do not need to be reminded in your profile. This honestly turns most women off because it simply puts too much pressure on a woman and most will not respond to you for this very fact.

By all means, be chivalrous. Think back to what men did in the ’50s. I promise you a real lady will appreciate this and respect you for it.

FACT:  Men want Respect and Women want Security. (Security meaning feeling secure not necessarily monetary).

I would love to hear your feedback. Leave me a comment or email me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda