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Hello readers, Linda here. In the news recently was a story about a guy named Paul Gonzales. Apparently, he was recently on the Bumble Dating App. It has been reported that he has two BENCH WARRANTS out for his arrest as of 5/3/2018, one for Petty Theft and the other for a Driver’s License Violation. Today I am writing about how to avoid a Dangerous Person like this. Keep in mind, this does happen on both sides, Male and Female.
When you are dating online, you really need to be very cautious and cover all of your bases. I call it “SCREENING”. You must first and foremost SCREEN your potential dates. Here is the very first thing that you should do.
Never go out with anyone unless you know their first and last name. Even if you are just meeting for coffee. You never know how things can turn out. Once you get their name, google them. In this case with Paul Gonzales, if you google his name, this is what comes up. http://canoe.com/news/crime/notorious-dine-and-dash-dater-strikes-again-near-los-angeles
On Google, it clearly shows his picture. There are many articles about this guy. This would be a huge RED FLAG that you should not ever talk to or meet this person. You can also google their phone number… FYI
Unfortunately, you have to be diligent in doing your homework before you go out. There are no exceptions! Even if you are a Facebook Friend, Co-Worker or High School friend, you still need to google them. In many cases, you may think you know this person but have no idea what this person has been up to. For your own safety, you must do this. I have interviewed a woman who has dated someone from high school that they have not spoken to for many years only to be physically and mentally abused. If this woman would have googled him, she would have seen his arrest records on google and avoided all of the pain and suffering. The same applies to males.
**VERY IMPORTANT - GO TO http://www.meganslaw.com/ TO SEARCH THEIR NAME TO CHECK TO SEE IF THEY ARE A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER! **
What I mean by ‘Screening your dates’ is this: On a first meeting, you should meet during the day for coffee, ice-cream, yogurt, a nice walk on the beach etc.. IF your date does not agree and suggests dinner instead, this might be a RED FLAG!
For example, I have a friend who met a girl and suggested a drink and dancing. His date suggested a five-star restaurant instead for the first meeting. Now, this could be a sign that this date is just wanting a free din din…. This happens a lot so that is why I am bringing it up. You do not want to be involved with a woman who suggests such an extravagant outing on a first date. (Unfortunately, there are men and women out there dating just for a free meal)
It is obvious of what you can be sure she expects in the future and frankly it is just RUDE. This is why I suggest day dates. So, this would be a way for a guy to Screen his date. If I were a guy and this happened to me, I would not go out with this person. On the other hand, if you are a female and going out with a guy and he suggests dinner on the first date, I would not recommend you agree to that. It might sound great and fun but what if you get there and you do not like the guy? This has happened to my own daughter. She got to the restaurant and the guy was not at all what she thought. She was stuck sitting there sharing a meal with a guy polar opposite of what she was looking for and expecting. Day dates are easier to escape from and you can keep it short. Never more than one or two hours for a first meeting.
Never let anyone pick you up at your residence even if you know this person. Always drive your own vehicle or UBER. You never know how a date or ‘meet and greet’ is going to turn out so you must be prepared. You must have an exit strategy. In the case mentioned with Paul Gonzales, he would suggest dinner out with a lady, order whatever he wanted, finish his meal then excuse himself to make a phone call and then dash (disappear) leaving the female with the dinner tab. Now, let’s just say that as a female, you are expecting the guy to pay (AS YOU SHOULD) so you do not worry about it. What if you do not have the cash or any credit cards on you? Then what? This is why you always have your own transportation and your own money just in case. If for some reason on both sides you do not have the finances to date, then, by all means, stay home and better yourself or your financial situation before going out into the dating world. Ideally, you want to meet someone that has their life together as much as possible. Refer to my recent blog “Who Pays for the Date” for more information and tips. http://lindasdatelist.com/blog/entry/who-pays-for-the-date-by-linda.html
When meeting someone for the very first meeting, it should be a day date if at all possible and it IS always possible. Very easily things can get out of control during a night date. What I mean by this is, you two may be getting along really great and the date could go into the late hours. This brings up many of my ‘Linda’s Rules’ where it is very easy to start drinking and then the next thing you know the guy or girl is at your home and you may do something you will regret. Even worse is you may get a little drunk and be taken advantage of, raped, physically hurt or dead. You must also consider that you may get a stalker on your hands… this is very possible and you, yourself did it because you revealed where you live….. YES, THIS REALLY HAPPENS!
It is always best to avoid the first meeting at night to keep yourself safe. Let’s just say this happens where you both end up in bed and have drunk sex, you will wake up and it will be a very uncomfortable situation for both parties. It’s best to avoid alcohol on the first date or meeting completely. I know many people will say that you are both adults (yadda, yadda, yadda) but, trust and believe that you do not want to start any kind of relationship by jumping into bed on the first date. This is never a good idea. Both of you will both wonder if the other person does this often. This is not a good feeling to have and is in no way a good start to anything except maybe an unwanted pregnancy, STD or a broken heart. Refer to my blog “Ladies Set Your Boundaries” for more tips on this subject. http://lindasdatelist.com/blog/entry/ladies-set-your-boundaries-one-night-stands-by-linda.html
I recommend that everyone just slow down and take the time to get to know someone. Dating is tricky and it is best to really get to know someone. You should start out as friends first because we all know that when the newness wears off, all you have is companionship and friendship.
Make sure you are making good healthy decisions for YOU. It’s all about YOU in the beginning. Remember, it’s not if the other person likes you, it’s if you like the other person. This is especially true for the ladies. Many ladies are always analyzing if he likes me… and I should change myself or my life to accommodate his. This is the worst thing anyone can do. You must first have your own life, family, kids, work, hobbies, friends and you should never conform to or change your life too much to ‘make him happy’. Ladies, this is a huge mistake. A guy that is worth it, will respect that fact that you have your own life and priorities and that he is not your life! Don’t give up your family, friends, hobbies etc. to spend time with him.
A good relationship is the combination of two lives, two people coming together at the right time. Don’t try and hurry anything and get to know the person. If it is meant to be, you both will find time to spend together and see if you are a match.
Most importantly, a great relationship is made up of two really good “FORGIVERS”. No one is perfect and your guy or girl is going to upset you once in a while or say or do something to rattle the relationship unknowingly of course sometimes. You must be a good forgiver and always put yourself in the other person shoes…. This will put things into perspective for both of you. (COMMUNICATE)
I am in no way saying that if the person cheats, steals or in any way is abusive that you must forgive. The very opposite is true. Never, EVER allow yourself to be cheated on or abused in any way. If this happens, you should walk away or RUN AWAY immediately, do not pass go, do not collect your $200.00….
I would love to hear your feedback on my blog so please leave a comment or email me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com
Don't forget to check out my book "The Top 10 Things People Lie About On Online Dating Sites and Why" What Every Online Dater Needs to Know! https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204
Below is the link to the story on Paul Gonzales….