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RHOC – Shannon, David and Lesley – My Thoughts, By Linda

Hello readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about The Real Housewives of Orange County. Specifically, Shannon Beador and her soon to be X-husband, David Beador. Anyone who watches the show regularly like me is disheartened but not surprised about this ongoing saga. The reason I am writing is that I have an opinion on the matter and want to voice it. I have much experience with a cheating husband whom I divorced and all of the pain, insecurity, loss of self-esteem, weight gain, loss of trust and humiliation that it did to me. I have lived it and therefore, I can write about it.

Shannon and David’s marriage is not much different than my own.

First off, let me say I am a HUGE fan of Shannon. When I watch her on the show, I can see myself in her. My X-husband cheated on me as well. Shannon’s weight gain is no surprise to me and when the season opened she OWNED her weight gain which was admirable and brave, to say the least.  I could tell something was up and I mean something with her cheating husband who had already had one affair that he admitted to (only after getting caught). I knew then he was emotionally checked out. I think he was already talking with this Lesley Cook whom he met in a spin class according to reports before he walked out on his wife and children. Lesley, did you read that? “HE WALKED OUT ON HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN” Think about that statement and let it sink in…

What does a cheating husband do to the wife emotionally? Let me tell you it is damaging and traumatic. Weight gain is common and self-doubt is also a true sign. Once the husband cheats, it is nearly impossible to gain that trust back even if you renew your vows and pledge your undying love forever and ever like he did.

A wife who suspects her husband is cheating (or turns the other cheek) becomes depressed. Depression can lead to weight gain among other things. I guarantee you if David stood behind his wife instead of pulling away, she would have lost the weight sooner. What does that say about him as a husband and partner who stood in front of a judge two times and said those words, for better or worse? Instead, he checked out and gave up. He selfishly thought he deserved better and moved on. This is not a man of character and certainly not a man I would want to be with or have around my young children.

Being in that same situation myself, when you get depressed, it is almost impossible, to say the least, to get out of it. It takes a lot of work. I predict that you, yourself will end up in the same depression during your life and once you mature you will understand. But in order to be compassionate, you first have to step out of your own selfish motivations to understand. I feel like you could but you are too immature to do so. Possibly, when you go through the same thing, you will better understand the devastation of a broken marriage and what it does to both partners. Personally, if you wanted a relationship with David, you should have first strongly encouraged him to stay with his wife, and if that didn’t work then at least waited until he was divorced. A strong healthy minded person after getting a divorce will stay single for a great amount of time before jumping into the next flavor of the month. Clearly, David did not do this and shows his lack of character and respect for his marriage and his children. Just think if he would have waited at least a year before dating, then met you, this whole relationship of yours (cough) would have been seen in an entirely different light. This tells me you have a lot to learn about life darling… Looks like you have to learn the hard way.

I dated my X-husband for five years and then we were married for five years. In retrospect, I should have just walked away after I found out he was a lifelong cheater but I fell in love and now I am suffering not only the loss of my marriage but the loss of the love of my life.

After the divorce, I have dated very little and have not had a boyfriend in almost seven years. This is how long it took me to recover emotionally. With my x-husband though, he dated and kept seeing his selfish self-serving mistress until the day he took his own life two years ago. He admitted to me before he died that he made a huge mistake and that he never stopped loving me and the same goes for me. You see Lesley, relationships are not all wine and roses, you have to carefully maneuver your own personal journey and your children’s life in such a way that you have to have compassion and put yourself in other people’s shoes in order to navigate through obstacles and make better decisions. I am saying this to you because you need to hear it.

When I was your age, I didn’t listen to many people but I did listen to a great mentor of mine who helped me very much to show me integrity and my own self-worth. She showed me that making a decision especially one that would involve my children should be very carefully thought out. I am not perfect and I have made many, many mistakes and I own them. I acted carelessly after my separation. I was very, very hurt and angered and did many things I wish that I had not now. It was a very tough lesson or lessons that I learned and I am trying to pass this along to you. I am quite sure you will not head my advice now, but hopefully, you will hold onto this and read when you are ready to open up and grow.

News Flash! David will forever be a cheater. Who knows how many affairs he has had or casual hooker hook-ups that are not even publicized. Not saying there is, but how is anyone to know except David.

A cheating man is BAD. It’s a character flaw and so damaging to his wife, kids, family and even friends. And, you probably won’t believe this now, but this will also be damaging to you too as evident in your public posts.

It is so narcissistic for David to remain on the show and not believe that he would get caught. In my opinion, this was not his first time. He admitted to having the affair with the selfish woman that intentionally friended Shannon and inserted her daughter on the same Basketball team in order to start an affair with David. A woman like that is very evil. Shame on her and she is married! This is so Newport Beach, many women there are very selfish and self-serving and downright scary if you ask me.

Apparently, I read that they are still married and are trying to work things out but I can tell you, her husband will never forget what she did. This will damage her marriage and relationship forever.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3237312/This-Nicole-McMackin-woman-cheated-husband-RHOC-s-Shannon-Beador-sordid-eight-month-affair-befriended-reality-star-probe-info-break-couple.html

Lesley Cook -

She is divorced with two young children. David is 20 years her senior with three daughters of his own who are growing up quickly. Why would he want a younger lady with two little kids? Trust me, this is all about sex. If he had his choice, he would really not want the two young kids in the picture. But men are all about sex. They think about it on average 9 times more a day than women and since this Lesley is willing and able, he pounced. Personally, she looks to me to be very pretentious and sees David as a meal ticket because he does have a lot of money but this relationship even if taken to the next level has zero staying power. I give it maybe 1-2 years IF THAT. You might even see him try and reconcile with Shannon in the future.

Lesley, I have been following you on IG and what I see is a typical Newport Beach gold-digging, young and misguided woman. Question, why is your IG Profile PUBLIC? Obviously, you want your 5 minutes of fame which proves that you are insecure and immature. Rightly so, you should be very insecure about this man. Obviously, your profile is public because you want the world to see your posts which is not a classy move. In my opinion, you should keep you IG Profile Private, then you will have support from your friends only and not open yourself up to someone like me.

Lesley Cook seems from the outside to be living a dream life in Newport Beach but on the inside is a completely different story. How do I know this? EASY! You can see her damaging and immature posts she makes public on IG about her boyfriend David’s X wife Shannon. If Lesley wasn’t intimidated by Shannon and David’s marriage, she would just shut up and not post anything. Why does she feel the need to defend herself? Feeling GUILTY?

She claims their relationship didn’t start until after the separation but I’m not buying it.  Lesley, if you are going to be involved with a man who has cheated on his wife and marriage before he cheated with you, then you too have to OWN it. My advice to you is to shut up on Social Media. This is not giving you your claim to fame like you think it is. This so-called 5 minutes of fame will be short lived and if you really cared about your cheating boyfriend, you would care about his relationship with his real family, Shannon, and his kids. HELLO, his daughters are going to graduate High School, College, get married and have kids. In the event your relationship does last, there will be graduations, wedding showers, weddings, baby showers etc. throughout their ENTIRE LIVES. You must make peace not war if you want to keep your boyfriend around. In other words, this is a lifetime commitment that he has created with his WIFE. Trust me, men do not like DRAMA.

Try to be as classy as you possibly can, shut up and stop posting on social media. This is damaging Shannon, her kids and believe it or not, David. A cheating husband does not want his dirty laundry aired for the entire world to see and watch. TAKE THE HIGH ROAD!  High road refers to a higher moral ground. "Taking the high road" expression refers to one being a "class act" during a very difficult time. Those who take the high road, are demonstrating being honest, fair, and selfless while not being completely defenseless.

Trust me, I know. David might not verbalize it to you for fear of not getting laid, but deep down he still loves Shannon and his kids and you are simply a distraction for him. By your posts, you are making yourself look like a classless, immature, greedy and uncaring person. In addition to that, bringing David into your children’s life without a ring and a date (or at least date for a year first), can be very damaging to your children. Even I knew this at your age as I was a single mother but I was never looking for a daddy for my kids, they already had one. Therefore, not introducing them to my X-husband for three years after dating was the best decision. You should read up on introducing your young children to your boyfriends too early can damage your kids. Here is a great article about this very subject:

http://www.101bananas.com/library2/schlessinger.html

As far as Shannon goes, she has Trumped you on this platform. She is very bright, beautiful, intelligent and obviously a woman of great character and sophistication. She is on TV and is free to voice her emotions about her marriage and is helping other women by doing so. And before you say it yes, it is your constitutional right to voice your opinions but that does in no way make it right or make you look classy or look like a better person in any way. Trust me, girlfriend, in twenty years (and this may come as a surprise to you) you will be 20 years older too! You will not look like you do now. From one woman to another, we ladies need to build each other up not tear each other down. In the end, most men will come and go but we will always have our girlfriends.

One last word of advice for Lesley. You knew what you were getting into by having a relationship with David Beador, known cheater and liar and so along with that, this is nothing you are not asking for. You could have chosen to walk away and ask him to contact you in a year but you didn’t. That would have been the safe thing to do for you and your children. Do not let David’s emotional issues affect you or your children, but too late you have already done that.

He will never respect you because of the way you handled the situation. No matter what he tells you, he still cares about his WIFE and children. My dear by setting up house and acting like the wife without having the commitment, have immediately lost respect from him even if he won’t tell you. You should have done what I said and waited a year to see if he can heal from his past then he would have respect for you. I and many others see you as a “FILLER”, that’s a person who is filling in until he finds his next flavor of the month.

Shannon, hold your head high and keep on moving on princess. You deserve so much better and I know you will get through this in time and you already are inspiring other women for your bravery and honesty.

Any comments or questions, I welcome them. Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

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Ghosting? Tinder Dating "The Phil Effect"

The Phil Effect - Episode 11 GHOSTING plus, would you date a Pregnant girl??

Too funny..

@Effect_Phil - Twitter - https://twitter.com/effect_phil

Follow Phil on his new Facebook Page -

The Phil Effect  https://www.facebook.com/thephileffect27/

Phil's BLOG https://thephileffect27.blogspot.com/2018/08/the-phil-effect.html?m=1

 

https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-11

XOXOXO,

Linda

Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

 

 

Linda's New Podcast with The Phil Effect! What to Say and Not to Say on the First Message!

So here it is The Phil Effect Episode 10 with Linda. Her advice could be the difference between you sitting in on a Saturday watching The Notebook on your own or meeting the love of your life online.

@Effect_Phil            AKA “The Phil Effect” on Twitter

Hello Readers, Linda here. Phil from the Phil Effect and (Lindasdatelist.com) are teaming up together to talk about the Online Dating Struggles that people are going through. It is a great collaboration because Phil is from Dublin, Ireland and is 28 years old and fairly new to the Online Dating scene. Myself, I am 51 and have been on the Online Dating scene for about 15 years and I am in Southern California.

Our Podcast’s give the listener a very unique perspective due to the difference in age and we both bring new and exciting stories, advice and ideas to the table.

Phil is a new up and coming Podcaster who dares to share his dating stories to his listeners and it is always informative and very funny. Phil is 28 and lives in Dublin, Ireland, worker and college student. His unique personality is catching on globally and he is becoming very popular.

His and our Podcasts are a great listen while you are working out or on the subway or train on your way to your destination. Follow Phil on Twitter @Effect_Phil

Please take a listen and let us know your feedback and any ideas that you may want us to discuss! WE ARE LISTENING!

You can send your ideas to @Effect_Phil on twitter or Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Below is the link to the latest podcast!

Enjoy!

https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-10?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=twitter

Also, don’t forget to check out my book “The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why” What Every Online Dater Needs to Know!

https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

XOXOXO,

Linda

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The Phil Effect - Episode 9!

https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-9

Hello Readers, Linda here. I’ll be returning to the @phil_effect on Monday, July 30th! In the meantime, below is Phil’s Episode 9!

Had a bad day? Need a good giggle Have a listen to The Phil Effect and tell people to have a listen as well. We need to spread more funny stories in my opinion.

#funny #laugh #Edinburgh #Australia #SoundCloud #Podcast #Dating #Love #Positivity 

soundcloud.com/thephileffect/…

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Listen Now! Linda Interviewed by "The Phil Effect"

Update! Listen Now! https://soundcloud.com/thephileffect/the-phil-effect-episode-8?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=twitter

The Phil Effect (@effect_phil)
So here it is, the latest show on The Phil Effect. I am joined by the lovely Linda Jenkins who will be sharing who valuable expertise on the world on online dating.

#dating

Have you heard ‘The Phil Effect Episode 8’ by The Phil Effect on #SoundCloud#np soundcloud.com/thephileffect/…


Download the Twitter app

 

 

Hello Readers, Linda here.  Monday, July 16th, 2018 I will be interviewed by "The Phil Effect". Y

** Special announcement!

I will be interviewed live on The Phil Effect https://twitter.com/effect_phil 7/16/2018 8 AM PST.

The Phil Effect will have a special guest for Episode 8. ⁦‪@LindasDateList‬⁩ will be giving her advice on the dating scene and will be telling me where I'm going wrong. ?


⁦‪@DatingWeekly‬⁩ ⁦‪@DamonaHoffman‬⁩ 


#dating #podcast #Love 
soundcloud.com/thephileffect/

 

*Download the Twitter app*


I will also be posting to my website after!

 

Let me know what you think and and topics for the next podcast! 

Comments or Questions? Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

UPDATE * NEW USERS ADDED - Free Username Search on Lindasdatelist.com (See what other people said about your potential date)

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about my FREE Search Site for Online Dating. You can Check Your Date before you go out for FREE or Add a Free listing about your date for the next person.

Report someone dangerous so that the next person can find out before they go. I have often heard Online Daters say to me "I wish there was a website where I could go and look a person up before I go out" well, I have created one and it's FREE. You can search by Username and Dating Site.

You can check on the "HOME" page for this information. http://lindasdatelist.com/home

 

Contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

Please check it out so that we can all help each other! http://lindasdatelist.com/

xoxo, Linda

Order my book "The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why" What Every Online Dater Needs to Know"  https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

 

UPDATE* He's BACK ON POF as LA_Guy100_ Dine & Dash Online Dater Strikes Again – By Linda

Hello readers, Linda here. In the news recently was a story about a guy named Paul Gonzales. Apparently, he was recently on the Bumble Dating App. It has been reported that he has two BENCH WARRANTS out for his arrest as of 5/3/2018, one for Petty Theft and the other for a Driver’s License Violation. Today I am writing about how to avoid a Dangerous Person like this. Keep in mind, this does happen on both sides, Male and Female.

When you are dating online, you really need to be very cautious and cover all of your bases. I call it “SCREENING”. You must first and foremost SCREEN your potential dates. Here is the very first thing that you should do.

  1. GOOGLE THEIR NAME -

Never go out with anyone unless you know their first and last name. Even if you are just meeting for coffee. You never know how things can turn out. Once you get their name, google them. In this case with Paul Gonzales, if you google his name, this is what comes up. http://canoe.com/news/crime/notorious-dine-and-dash-dater-strikes-again-near-los-angeles

On Google, it clearly shows his picture. There are many articles about this guy. This would be a huge RED FLAG that you should not ever talk to or meet this person. You can also google their phone number… FYI

Unfortunately, you have to be diligent in doing your homework before you go out. There are no exceptions! Even if you are a Facebook Friend, Co-Worker or High School friend, you still need to google them. In many cases, you may think you know this person but have no idea what this person has been up to. For your own safety, you must do this. I have interviewed a woman who has dated someone from high school that they have not spoken to for many years only to be physically and mentally abused. If this woman would have googled him, she would have seen his arrest records on google and avoided all of the pain and suffering. The same applies to males.

**VERY IMPORTANT - GO TO http://www.meganslaw.com/ TO SEARCH THEIR NAME TO CHECK TO SEE IF THEY ARE A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER! **

  1. SCREEN YOUR DATES –

What I mean by ‘Screening your dates’ is this: On a first meeting, you should meet during the day for coffee, ice-cream, yogurt, a nice walk on the beach etc.. IF your date does not agree and suggests dinner instead, this might be a RED FLAG!

For example, I have a friend who met a girl and suggested a drink and dancing. His date suggested a five-star restaurant instead for the first meeting. Now, this could be a sign that this date is just wanting a free din din…. This happens a lot so that is why I am bringing it up. You do not want to be involved with a woman who suggests such an extravagant outing on a first date. (Unfortunately, there are men and women out there dating just for a free meal)

It is obvious of what you can be sure she expects in the future and frankly it is just RUDE. This is why I suggest day dates. So, this would be a way for a guy to Screen his date. If I were a guy and this happened to me, I would not go out with this person. On the other hand, if you are a female and going out with a guy and he suggests dinner on the first date, I would not recommend you agree to that. It might sound great and fun but what if you get there and you do not like the guy? This has happened to my own daughter. She got to the restaurant and the guy was not at all what she thought. She was stuck sitting there sharing a meal with a guy polar opposite of what she was looking for and expecting. Day dates are easier to escape from and you can keep it short. Never more than one or two hours for a first meeting.

  1. ALWAYS MEET IN A PUBLIC PLACE WITH YOUR OWN TRANSPORTATION –

 Never let anyone pick you up at your residence even if you know this person. Always drive your own vehicle or UBER. You never know how a date or ‘meet and greet’ is going to turn out so you must be prepared. You must have an exit strategy. In the case mentioned with Paul Gonzales, he would suggest dinner out with a lady, order whatever he wanted, finish his meal then excuse himself to make a phone call and then dash (disappear) leaving the female with the dinner tab. Now, let’s just say that as a female, you are expecting the guy to pay (AS YOU SHOULD) so you do not worry about it. What if you do not have the cash or any credit cards on you? Then what? This is why you always have your own transportation and your own money just in case. If for some reason on both sides you do not have the finances to date, then, by all means, stay home and better yourself or your financial situation before going out into the dating world. Ideally, you want to meet someone that has their life together as much as possible. Refer to my recent blog “Who Pays for the Date” for more information and tips. http://lindasdatelist.com/blog/entry/who-pays-for-the-date-by-linda.html

  1. I RECOMMEND A DAY DATE WHEN MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME –

When meeting someone for the very first meeting, it should be a day date if at all possible and it IS always possible. Very easily things can get out of control during a night date. What I mean by this is, you two may be getting along really great and the date could go into the late hours. This brings up many of my ‘Linda’s Rules’ where it is very easy to start drinking and then the next thing you know the guy or girl is at your home and you may do something you will regret. Even worse is you may get a little drunk and be taken advantage of, raped, physically hurt or dead. You must also consider that you may get a stalker on your hands… this is very possible and you, yourself did it because you revealed where you live…..  YES, THIS REALLY HAPPENS!

It is always best to avoid the first meeting at night to keep yourself safe. Let’s just say this happens where you both end up in bed and have drunk sex, you will wake up and it will be a very uncomfortable situation for both parties. It’s best to avoid alcohol on the first date or meeting completely. I know many people will say that you are both adults (yadda, yadda, yadda) but, trust and believe that you do not want to start any kind of relationship by jumping into bed on the first date. This is never a good idea. Both of you will both wonder if the other person does this often. This is not a good feeling to have and is in no way a good start to anything except maybe an unwanted pregnancy, STD or a broken heart. Refer to my blog “Ladies Set Your Boundaries” for more tips on this subject. http://lindasdatelist.com/blog/entry/ladies-set-your-boundaries-one-night-stands-by-linda.html

  1. TAKE YOUR TIME AND GET TO KNOW THE PERSON –

I recommend that everyone just slow down and take the time to get to know someone. Dating is tricky and it is best to really get to know someone. You should start out as friends first because we all know that when the newness wears off, all you have is companionship and friendship.

Make sure you are making good healthy decisions for YOU. It’s all about YOU in the beginning. Remember, it’s not if the other person likes you, it’s if you like the other person. This is especially true for the ladies. Many ladies are always analyzing if he likes me… and I should change myself or my life to accommodate his. This is the worst thing anyone can do. You must first have your own life, family, kids, work, hobbies, friends and you should never conform to or change your life too much to ‘make him happy’. Ladies, this is a huge mistake. A guy that is worth it, will respect that fact that you have your own life and priorities and that he is not your life! Don’t give up your family, friends, hobbies etc. to spend time with him.

A good relationship is the combination of two lives, two people coming together at the right time. Don’t try and hurry anything and get to know the person. If it is meant to be, you both will find time to spend together and see if you are a match.

Most importantly, a great relationship is made up of two really good “FORGIVERS”. No one is perfect and your guy or girl is going to upset you once in a while or say or do something to rattle the relationship unknowingly of course sometimes. You must be a good forgiver and always put yourself in the other person shoes…. This will put things into perspective for both of you. (COMMUNICATE)

I am in no way saying that if the person cheats, steals or in any way is abusive that you must forgive. The very opposite is true. Never, EVER allow yourself to be cheated on or abused in any way. If this happens, you should walk away or RUN AWAY immediately, do not pass go, do not collect your $200.00….

I would love to hear your feedback on my blog so please leave a comment or email me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

Don't forget to check out my book "The Top 10 Things People Lie About On Online Dating Sites and Why" What Every Online Dater Needs to Know! https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

Below is the link to the story on Paul Gonzales….

https://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2017/03/15/serial-dash-and-dine-dater-strikes-again/

Posted by on in Blog
Who Pays For the Date? By Linda

Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about “Who pays for the date”? There are many scenarios that I can write about pertaining to this subject but I want to keep this very basic for now.

Let’s pretend that a Guy you meet online asks you out for a date. You like him so you say ok. Now, in this case, I always recommend this (Linda’s rule) to say you want to be friends first and then see where it goes, if anywhere.

Now, let’s just say he agreed to start out friends first which is great. You do a couple of daytime friend’s things at first which he volunteer’s to pay for, however; always do your own driving to meet him. If he asks you to go Dutch and he is pursuing you, do not go out with the guy again. If you are pursuing him, and I do NOT EVER recommend this, then you can go Dutch but trust me, ladies, if a guy likes you, he will pursue you. Men are known hunters and it is in their DNA to hunt you down so to speak. Do not chase a guy. A good example is, do you ever notice the guys you are not interested in just will not give up???? The obvious reason is that you are not chasing them down.

Then there’s that one night where things change from friendship to dating. Let me repeat. You are NOT dating until after he tells you he wants to be more than friends and you AGREE. Ok. So, after friendship, it evolves to “DATING”. JUST DATING. Not dating exclusively, but dating. Now, let me explain something to make it very clear. When you start dating someone, you still may date other people UNLESS you have “That Conversation”, you know the one where you BOTH decide to NOT date other people and date exclusively. If you do not have that conversation, you are still “JUST DATING”. Are we CLEAR? Ok. Now that we have that out of the way, here’s what happens.

You are just in the ‘DATING” phase. You and he haven’t had the “Exclusive Talk” yet. During the dating period, if the guy asks you out, he should pay PERIOD. After all, most men make more money, and women have to do the following things if you are like me and want to take care of yourself:

  1. Nails
  2. Hair
  3. Make-up
  4. Clothes
  5. Shoes
  6. Eyebrows
  7. Botox
  8. Just to name a few

All of this costs money. What most men do not realize is when we like a guy and want to look and smell good (I forgot perfume), it costs a lot of money for one date. Not to mention the time it takes to get ready when we already are busy enough with a job, kids, family etc. One date could easily cost over $300 for a lady. EASY…..

Now, before we all get upset at Linda, let’s consider a few ways that a lady can reciprocate. Here are a few things that I do as a courtesy and to also let my guy know I appreciate him:

  1. I bring over dessert when he cooks dinner.
  2. I may even bring supplements (because I am a health nut) and I found out my guy did not take the needed supplements to be healthy. Let me be clear, if a lady likes a guy a lot, she will care about his health and his wellbeing.
  3. I am a Kangen Water drinker. I have my own machine. I share water with people I care about. I swear by this water that it is the best investment I have ever made for my health so if I bring my guy water to help him get healthy, that to me means:
    1. I care about you.
    2. I care about your health.
    3. I like you.
    4. I want you to be around a long time.
    5. I think we may have a future together.

So, let’s review a little. Friendship, then dating. He pays for the dates. You reciprocate by bringing over dessert and other things even though you haven’t had “The Exclusive Talk” yet. You buy clothes, perfume, get your nails, hair, and brows done so you look fabulous. That in itself is a lot of time, money and effort just for your guy!

When and if you do have the “Exclusive Date” talk, then it is recommended by me and others to pick up the check once in a while. Cook dinner once in a while etc. Then your guy has earned your time and attention so you absolutely should contribute monetarily once in a while.

A Real Gentleman should never even mention money when you are just dating. If a guy even throws in your face that you never offered to pick up the check when out, or even buy a drink then you are not dating a gentleman. A real Gentlemen knows, listens and pays attention to your cute texts, your “I miss you texts”, desserts, water you bring over, vitamins etc. and is grateful that you are such a kind and gracious guest. If this happens to you where he may get mad at something and throws the fact that you never picked up the check while “DATING” not “DATING EXCLUSIVELY”, you should never go out with that guy again.

This is a real issue in today’s dating world, unfortunately. There are a lot of beautiful women like myself out there that if we were looking for a “Sugar Daddy” it is so easy to find that it is almost ridiculous. I myself am not a “Gold Digger” and if any guy that I was just “DATING” ever told me that, I would never speak to him again.

And for the guys, I hope that this helps you understand from a ladies side the things that we go through to look good and be fabulous for a Gentleman that we adore.

I am really interested in hearing your feedback and comments. Please contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

XOXO,

Linda

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Ladies, Set your Boundaries – One Night Stands by Linda

Hello readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about a sensitive subject that I feel really needs to be addressed. Since I have started dating again, this issue keeps coming up and frankly makes me just not want to date anymore. I have been complexed about this particular problem for some time now and I feel the need to write about it.

First off, you all know my first rule in dating and that is for the guy to drive your way first. This shows you that this guy is somewhat into you and interested because he will make the drive. If at all he suggests on a first date that you drive to him, this is a good indication that this guy is all about himself and his life and will not compromise unless it suits his needs however; this can pose a potential problem. I do think that meeting half way if he lives a distance is OK, not desirable but OK.

Just because a guy drives to your area for a first, second or third date doesn't mean they are entitled to spend the night. They should be responsible enough to get themselves to a date and back without a DUI or getting too tired to drive home, after all men somehow make it to work and back by themselves without having to spend the night at a stranger’s house right?  When did it become OK for a date to expect to sleep on your couch or in your bed just because they had too much to drink or are too tired to drive home? First off, if they are too tired to go on a date, they should just cancel to avoid all of the things that could happen.

Ladies, get it through your pretty heads and make it clear to your date before the date that you have no intention of opening up your place as a 4-Seasons Hotel or an instant ONE-NIGHT-STAND just because they drank too much or are too tired to drive home.  

What about age? Does age matter in these instances? YES! For some reason men and women think since they are older, it is OK to sleep together on the first date because after all, you're both adults and can do what you want. (yada, yada, yada). I can see how in this age of instant gratification, people would gear towards this way of thinking. This doesn't make it right, in fact it makes it complicated I don't care how old you are. People do not have to wait for anything these days. They can get on their smartphone and get car insurance in less than 30 minutes! They can go to a dating site and get sex in one night if they choose. They can now order alcohol to be delivered within 30 minutes along with food. This is a new world we are living in and you must take into consideration dating should have nothing to do with it!

You are NOT obligated to let a date crash with you or on your couch because they drove a distance or drank too much. It is awkward for one thing and gives the impression that you have no boundaries. This is a mistake because you must be clear that you are a lady with boundaries and NEVER let a man set your boundaries period.


This person is a stranger (or even if you've known this person awhile) and doesn't give them a free night at your place just because you went on a date. Learn how to be direct about this before the date. May I suggest over the phone if they plan a date that may go into the late evening and there is drinking involved, you mention to them that you have an early meeting, workout with your trainer, yoga class, church or whatever so you appreciate the fact that they are driving to see you for a FEW HOURS. (Key word, FEW HOURS)
If they live a good distance away, suggest an earlier time so they have plenty of time to drive back home. An example would be to start the date at 5 pm and remember, you have an early commitment and need to be home by 10 pm. 5 hours is more than enough time for a date that's going well. Make this clear before he comes to take you on a date. If he even suggests crashing at your place, simply ask him if another time would be better. This gives him the hint that you are not going to let him crash and no one night stand is happening.

If your date indulges and drinks too much, that's on HIM.  He can get a hotel or Uber home, after all, you made this clear in the beginning. Not your problem. There is nothing more awkward then having a guy guilt you into crashing at your place on a first date. Learn to say NO! If they get offended because after all, you are both adults, that doesn't give anyone the right to invade your space in fact, since you are an adult woman you have your routine and do not need that extra pressure of an irresponsible or disrespectful person quilting you into crashing at your place after a first date.

If you are a guy, you must go back to the 50's where men courted women. These days’ people are used to getting what they want anytime, anyplace without waiting. Don't get this confused with Dating. Dating and learning about someone is not instantaneous contrary to everything else these days.


Plan earlier dates in the beginning until you get to know this person and they have earned your trust. Some suggestions could be maybe a fun hike or afternoon movie with an early dinner. A nice picnic lunch on the beach or in a nice park setting during the day. These types of dates are almost nonexistent anymore. Let me tell you a lady will be more impressed with a picnic date or even a hike with a picnic basket where you took the time to pick the food out from the deli and get all the utensils, plates, napkins and beverages. This shows a woman you really wanted to make this special. And don't be throwing two bottles of wine and oysters in the basket either! Make it very comfortable for her and don't put unnecessary pressure on her by attempting to get her drunk and taking advantage of the situation.


MEN, Be the MAN. Take charge but don't take advantage. This will score you many, many bonus points. Find out what type of music she likes and bring a playlist to quietly play in the background. It's pretty simple, to make her feel comfortable, you must build and earn trust. Just because you say “you can trust me” doesn't mean a smart lady is going to automatically trust you.  Earn her trust a little at a time. Enjoy the courtship and if things evolve then it's a different set of circumstances that you will both be comfortable with.

Trust me as a single lady over 45 and dating, this is a crazy time right now. I have come across this situation more than once where I will go on a date and my date has too much to drink or just has a long drive home and it is almost expected on his part (he thinks) again, thanks to the instant gratification stage we are in, that he spends the night to avoid a DUI or a long drive. This is why I've been thinking about this and decided to write about it. Your home is your personal space. Just because I went on a date with you doesn't give you rights to my personal home or personal space. If things evolve and we find we like each other and there is a mutual respect, then things can be more intimate but until then, hold yourself back and stop thinking you are entitled to crash at her place because you were irresponsible in your drinking and or your time management.

There is nothing more awkward than having some guy stay at your place after a first date, waking up in the morning sober and thinking how do I get this person to go home. You don't know if you like a person enough to have them stay the night after just one date. This is not the movies, this is real life. You have no clue as to how many other women that person is dating and if they stay with you on the first night, that pretty much means they will do that with someone else too. And LADIES, the men think the same way about having sex with you on the first date. It’s not a good look and unfortunately, they will think you are slutty. (Just throwing that out there) This will immediately ladies, put you in the category of JUST A SEX GIRL. Do you really want to be that girl? Why not be different?

Honestly, there are not a lot of women out there that can set boundaries and stick to them. If you can, this puts you in a greater, smarter, respectable category called “SHE VALUES HERSELF”.  When you are in the “SHE VALUES HERSELF” category, you become to the guy “Operation get that girl before someone else does because they are so few and far between these days”.

I would love to hear your comments and feedback. Please contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com

And remember to pick up my helpful dating book called “The Top 10 Things People Lie About on Online Dating Sites and Why”.  ”What Every Online Dater Needs to Know” available at Amazon. Paperback or Kindle.

Linda’s Book https://www.amazon.com/Things-People-About-Online-Dating/dp/1503006204

 

XOXO, Linda

Posted by on in Blog
Dating UP – It's Worth a Try - By Linda

Hello Readers, Linda here.  Today I would like to talk about ‘Dating Up’. What is dating up? To me dating up means dating someone who is much more attractive than yourself and or has lots of money. First, let’s discuss the money scenario:

A lot of women these days, mostly younger are looking for a Sugar Daddy. They scan a dating site for an older wealthier man that is not so attractive in order to have a chance of a better life. This has been going on for decades. A lot of older, wealthy men will date a younger beautiful young lady for the sex, companionship and eye candy. These men think they can do that because they (on paper) have the financial means to do what they want and what they want, is a young beautiful woman on their arm. The young ladies in this scenario to me are not that bright. In retrospect, a REAL QUALITY MAN wants an equal partner and someone that brings something to the table besides their looks. Generally, there are a lot of very superficial people out there and all they care about is money and looks. Hey, I am all for both but the mistake these ladies are making is they do not realize that this man probably will dump them eventually and they will be left with nothing. They have no work skills to financially make it on their own. This could be catastrophic to a young lady and in my opinion, mothers need to teach their daughters to have their own career and not to depend on a man financially. This is one form of dating up and when you see this couple in town, a lot of people will view them and say “She dated up” or “He dated up”.

The other scenario happened to me recently. I am on the dating app ‘Bumble’. I decided to try it out to see how it works and many different and crazy things have happened to me and today I want to point out this one specifically. In this case I met the guy on Bumble, he is a Firemen who lives down the street from me coincidentally. He was very pleasant on the phone and planned a really fun upcoming date but was not that attractive to me. He had never been married and no children. We spoke and planned our date. Now, do not get the wrong impression, I did not know this guy and he was not attractive to me but he was very nice on the phone and so I thought I would give him a chance. He was ‘dating up’ by dating me, physically. As Patty Stanger always warns about men that “Lead with their Money’, this was definitely the case.

This fireman pulled out all of the stops for me. It was VIP treatment all the way all night with this guy which was very nice. He wanted to impress me with his money since he could clearly see the attraction was not there on my part.

During the evening (We went to a Hockey Game), he drank a lot. I had some alcohol too because well, I thought I would have a good time even though I knew the chemistry wasn’t there. He proceeded to ask me several times if I would spend the night with him throughout the evening and my response was no. He kept drinking. I understand on a lot of first dates especially with a man who is dating up, he gets nervous and needs the liquid courage. I get it and it happens. I felt like he thought he had bought me for the night in other words, I felt like an escort instead of feeling like a friend and someone he would like to get to know. Frankly, he really didn’t care to even talk to me much he was texting on his phone the entire evening which is very rude and a big red flag. Ladies and Gentlemen, Dating Rule 101, PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY on a date!

He then proceeded to place his hand on my A$$ like we were an item or I was an escort. Very rude again. In part, this is the kind of guy that dates up and thinks he can get away with these things because he has a lot of money. Money does not impress me. Manners, respect and common courtesy impresses me. He also became very jealous and did not hide that emotion (which is not good for you guys out there). It showed his insecurity and is not a good look. I honestly felt like he thought I owed it to him to do whatever he asked because he took me on such a VIP date. This is in no way how to treat a lady or how to impress a lady.

The night ended badly. We got in his car and he stopped being the gentlemen he was when we first started out the evening. All manners out the window. In his defense, he was buzzed and did drink too much but that is still no excuse really. He drove home, I slept. I figured I better fall asleep because if I didn’t the conversation wasn’t going to go well.

It was about a 30 minute drive home. I woke up when we got off the freeway which is really close to my place. I guided him to my building and got out of the car and shut the door. I went to turn around to wave a friendly goodbye, but he then proceeded to skid backwards in the cul-de-sac at about 30mph like a little spoiled brat who didn’t get his way.

I got into my condo and fell asleep only to wake up in the morning to two text messages from him. The first one was at 12:22 am and it read:

“Thank you for coming tonight. I don’t think we are a match but I did have fun and I wish you the best with two smiley icons”. (This was good news to me because no, we were not a match).

Then at 10:02 am, I received the second one that read:

“Hey, I did have fun. I had a bit too much to drink and didn’t mean we aren’t a match. I would love to see u again... Have a great day...”  (SMDH)

Ok, Passive Aggressive and full of Drama… I don’t do this…. I replied back with a nice polite little “I think we should be friends”. I have not heard from him again thankfully.

Lots of lessons learned here and I myself even messed this up BIG TIME.

  1. Never have more than 2 drinks on a first date.
  2. If your date is drunk, UBER home or call a friend.
  3. Never get in the car with a drunk person.
  4. Re-evaluate if someone is worth going out with. A nice fun date is not enough and not fair if you are not attracted to the person. Not fair to him.
  5. When a guy leads with his money and proves it, there is a reason. People that have money do not have to brag about it.

I am not very happy with myself for not having better judgement than to allow him to drive me home. This will never happen again.

Please let me know your thoughts and contact me at Linda@LindasDateList.com

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