Hello Readers, Linda here. Today I want to talk about 'Online Dating Etiquette for the Guys'. I've been an Online Dater on and off since 2002 and I want to point out a few things that the guys are just doing wrong.
First thing is this, educate yourself on how the ladies think. You must know your prey very well before you go on the hunt. You can do this by reading books, talking to friends that are female, reading my blogs or just from learning from your experiences. We all have had some experiences with the opposite sex that just didn't go well so you need to reflect back on those and realize what you did to screw it up and how you won't repeat that behavior, that thing you did, the thing you didn't do etc.
Once you do your research, you then can start practicing. What do I mean by practicing? Well, the good thing about online dating is there are millions of people out there and available to practice on. So you start messaging ladies and practice saying the right things and see how it goes.
Here are a few things that guys say to me that I totally get offended by and trust me I'm no prude but guys, you need to have some class!
1. Hey sexy - this is annoying and makes me think all you want to do is get laid. And that opening line is probably the same one you send to every girl so I'm not buying it. I ignore these guys that say that first thing. Obviously they don't know how to talk to a lady and the first impression is a lasting one so guys, stop using that line immediately.
2. Are you a sexual person? - seriously? This came up the other day. I mean the guy was doing pretty good at first and then he throws that line in. First off, why would you even ask that? I'm thinking ok, maybe he had a wife that didn't like sex so he is asking up front? Naw... Next thing I'm thinking is he is just looking to get laid. Then I think wow, he seemed like a decent guy at first so maybe he's a manipulator type and I don't want that either. Next is, it's just rude to ask that. Guys, newsflash, us ladies are looking for love and respect from a guy. That is so disrespectful to ask someone when you don't even know them. It's a total turn off and after a long lecture back to him, I blocked him I have no time for guys that don't know how to speak to a lady.
3. From a guy who said he was my age but clearly was not and admitted it ' do you like younger men'? - honestly I have a daughter his age but I was curious so I asked him, why do you like older women? His answer, I have mommy issues. I'm not kidding! So, I continue, why do you have mommy issues? He says well my mom walked in on me masturbating and it turned me on! Really? Now, I'm getting concerned. So, I tell him that's pretty weird and scary. He then tells me he doesn't understand how that weirds me out? I say, well what if you had a daughter and you walked in on her? What would you do? Ok, are you sitting down for this? He says to me, I would ask her if she needed any help! Ok, now I'm really freaked out and I told him soon I will see his face on the news as a child predator or rapist and in jail, they don't take kindly to people like you. You need serious help. Then I reported him to the site and hopefully they took the proper actions. Whew! Bad bad bad...
So, that was just a few and I could go on and on but let's talk about how to talk to a lady on a dating site the proper way shall we?
First, remember to do your homework. Read a book. In fact, read 'Masterdate by George Reagan'. I read this book and it's a great guide for the guys who are online dating. I highly recommend it. After you've done your homework and practiced with a few ladies, you see someone your are really interested in. So, now you are better prepared to speak like a gentleman to a lady. When I say lady, I'm talking about a nice girl who isn't flaunting her half naked body in her photos double fishing two cocktails in a bar setting surrounded by guys. I'm talking about a nice normal girl who has good pictures and doesn't have to show her breasts to get your attention.
A good opening line is ' hello, I'm Dave I read your profile and I like your pictures. How was your day? Or, how was your weekend? Or, how was your holiday? Or, how do you like living in Long Beach? These are very good opening lines. When she answers you back, then you say funny things that are not offensive and never get sexual EVER because you will just turn her off. Ask her what she likes to do for fun or what her favorite food is etc. Trust me, you will get her attention because you are all about her. Us ladies are turned on by a guy who is genuinely interested in what we like and our interests. Don't go to the sexual conversation, just don't go there. If you date and like each other, things will flow naturally and we as women won't feel threatened. Remember, us ladies are delicate flowers who deserve to be treated like the ladies we are.
Super Important.. Don't ask her a million personal questions in the beginning like:
1. How many times have you been married?
2. What was the cause of your divorce?
3. Do you and your X still talk?
4. Why are you still single?
5. Have you had any luck on this site? Duh, if I had any luck why would I still be on here?
6. Any personal questions about your kids.
7. When was your last relationship?
A lady will write on her profile only things that they really want you to know at first. After all, you are a total stranger and anything she won't disclose at first is none of your business unless you get serious.
Of course there are those women who will settle for the dirtbags and they are just desperate and if they will put up with your disrespect, they will put up and put out for any guy that shows them attention period. They have issues that not even you can fix.
What I've learned is, you get what you give. You treat a lady with respect, she will treat you with respect and there's no better way to start a relationship.
Guys, a few tips:
1. Be respectful of her time. She most likely works and needs her rest so if she declines a date during the week, don't take it personal. Myself being a career woman, I highly respect a guy who respects that my time is valuable.
2. Always pay for the dates. Pay for the valet and never ask to go Dutch. If you can't afford it, then refer back to Masterdate by George Reagan. You're not ready to date. Or, maybe you can afford it but your too cheap. Not a good sign and a real turn off.
3. Don't pressure her to have sex. Trust me, when she's ready, she'll let you know, you won't have to guess.
4. Always drive to her in the beginning. This is just courteous and the right thing to do. After you're dating awhile, she will want to come to you and you won't even have to ask. (Thumbs up)
5. If you're dating starts to get serious, take your profile down and let her know you did so. If she's into you the same way, she will take hers down too. If she doesn't, give it a couple more dates and if she still doesn't, end it because she's looking for the BBD (bigger, better deal).
So I have given you some great pointers guys, now I hope you will follow my tips and be a much better online dater. Don't be a player and treat the ladies with respect. This will get you much further in your quest for love.
Any questions or comments, contact me at Linda@Lindasdatelist.com