“Quarterback Sneak”


Eventually he moved out of his studio apartment and into a one bedroom which happened to be right next door to his current apartment. By the way, the complex had a security door where he would actually have to buzz you in there was no other access. We continued our relationship and I was falling deeper and deeper in love with him.
It was a Saturday and I had planned on going to his apartment that night and he suddenly emailed me with an excuse why he couldn’t see me that night. I thought it was really weird and I had a sick feeling in my stomach my women’s intuition was telling me something just wasn’t right. I was very upset. My BFF was very suspicious as well. I remembered one time he told me his password to his email when I was at his apartment so I decided to sign in under his username and what I found was so disturbing! My heart sunk and broke into a million pieces.
I read email after email from him to a number of different ladies. HE was seeing multiple women at the same time but it was all about sex with them. They would come to his apartment on different days of the week obviously on the days I wasn’t there. You see, I traveled during the week for my job M-F so I didn’t see him during the week at the time so he had the perfect girlfriend in me because he could do what he wanted during the week.
My BFF read all the emails too. My heart was racing I didn’t know what to do I wanted to cry and I did and scream and anyway I just freaked out! I had to see him and confront him so I drove to his apartment about 10 pm on that Saturday night. I called him and made up a story of why I had to see him and I was right outside. So, he reluctantly let me in. I swear to this day I think there was a girl in the bedroom as I met him in the doorway. I asked him who this certain woman was. From the email, she had been to his apartment that day during the day for a sexcapade. HE told me she was just a friend and he denied everything else. I was so upset I ended up telling him off especially since we were not using protection because we were supposed to be in a monogamous relationship and that scared me more than anything.
You should have seen the look on his face when he realized I knew everything all of his secrets. He was panicky and really sweating it. He asked me to leave and I did. I was so devastated by this I had to see a therapist. By the way, this man had a Master’s Degree in psychology and even did an internship so when I told the therapist that he told me well he should not be practicing because this guy is a very bad guy. He was right and my BFF was right. I should have listened to them!

Lessons learned:
1. Always listen to your intuition it is always right. If something doesn’t make sense then something isn’t right.
2. Don’t be so naïve. Accepting feeble excuses is not a good thing think more highly of yourself!
3. Listen to your BFF.
4. Looks are deceiving!

“He’s Still on Dating Sites?”


I continued to see him even about 2-3 times a week. I thought he was falling in love with me I mean he was so charming and funny. We had a routine where I would just come to his apartment and stay the night. He never took me out to dinner. Eventually, we started ordering take out but he would never go and sit down at a restaurant. I was accepting this as the norm and getting used to it I mean after all I was getting to see him more and he was getting me food and showering me with attention and lots and lots of emails that were so sweet they made me melt. There was always alcohol involved as he would always have it there for me.
Meanwhile, my BFF was checking all of the online dating sites and guess what? He was on almost all of them! This was puzzling and disturbing to me because we were supposed to be “exclusive”.
I asked him about it and he said it was his brother using his picture? HUH? Why would you let your brother use your picture he must not be attractive (later I found out his brother was not attractive). My BFF and I didn’t buy his story so we came up with a plan.
My BFF set up a fake profile on one of the dating sites and emailed him. Of course it was his him he so eagerly gave her his email address and so we knew he was a liar! What did I do about it you ask? I broke things off with him I mean I caught him lying and that meant he was seeing other girls so I broke it off.
A couple days later he emails me (if you haven’t figured it out by now this man lived by his email) and asks if we can start seeing each other again and he says he removed himself from the dating sites. So, what do I do going against the advice of my BFF I take him back. After all I was in love with this guy he was perfect for me I mean he just needs to get used to having a girlfriend he never did it to hurt me. Right? DUH!
So, things moved along and those face creams and nail polish never went away… interesting… I also found a pony tail clip for a women’s hair. I told myself this had to be his x-wife’s.

Lesson learned:
1. Something is wrong when a guy won’t take you out to dinner.
2. If he’s on dating sites after you are exclusive dump him he’s a player.
3. When you catch him red handed dump him!
4. After you dump him DON”T GO BACK TO HIM!
5. Listen to your BFF!
6. Looks are deceiving!

Not the NORM


What do you do when you meet a man who has it all money, fame, looks and charm? Well along comes my knight in shining armor (so I thought)…. When I met this guy through all of our 2 weeks of dating he brought me flowers every time we met. Wine and chocolate too. He really had it all… took me to all of the nicest places..
WAIT- RED FLAGS:
1. He asks me to move in with the first 3 dates.
2. He says he loves me within the first 5 dates.
3. He takes me to his business to try and impress me (Our very last date) Meanwhile on his desk in his office was pictures of girls half naked autographed to him. (I think he was heavily into porn now that I think about it at retrospect).
4. He talks about our first time being intimate and brings up the art of S&M… Really?? I thought he was kidding… I even laughed it off as he was describing what he was going to do to me… AHHHHH… HELP ME!
That was the last phone call we ever had. I had learned everything I needed to and then some. I emailed him the next day and broke it off.

Lesson to learn: If it’s too good to be true then it probably is too good to be true….

 “Finally, the Man Cave”


He pretty much called me every day even though I didn’t see him every day. I was feeling all the “in love signals” from him. He constantly sent emails and I didn’t even own a computer yet but my BFF did and she was always calling me and sending the emails back to him for me so he didn’t even know I didn’t own a computer. A short time later I finally had the money to buy one and I was very happy about that.
After our last date at the Hotel he decided I should come over to his apartment but he said he needed to get the maid over before (Lois was her name). So, I made it over to his STUDIO apartment one evening during the week and I was completely shocked at what I found. Seriously, it was a total nightmare of an apartment. It did look like the maid had come but it was super small and super old and in a not so desirable building. I didn’t care… I really didn’t care… I was just so happy to finally be invited to his place nothing else mattered.
One thing, he always was telling me how pretty I was and that always made me feel really special. HE said he could stare at my face for the rest of his life and never get tired of it. Ahhhh… He’s everything I hoped for. HE was physically the most attractive man I have ever seen. 6’1, 190lbs and the total All American Athlete type. Still to this day I can say I was so attracted to him physically it was a total joke! We were the perfect match I thought and he didn’t have kids of his own which I was totally (at the time) excited about I mean who needs any distractions? I wanted to see with him, be with him every hour, every minute of every day. He was so funny and smart and we shared a lot of the same political interests etc. I thought he was the one for me and I was going to do whatever it took to get him.
Red Flags I ignored:
• Lots of face creams in the bathroom most of what women would use. I mean the entire vanity area was full of them.
• Nail polish on the counter adjacent to the kitchen. I did ask him about that and he said it was his x-wife’s and he just never got rid of it. HUH? I was so stupid to let this one go… DUH!
• A studio apartment? I was renting a modest 2 bedroom for my kids and I and on my low salary I could afford it so I knew he could afford better so why was he living like this? Later, I come to realize he was just cheap.
• HE never took me out to dinner, NEVER! I always just came over after dinner time and we would rent movies. Big Red Flag there. He should have been taking me out and courting me I mean who doesn’t go out to dinner???
At that point I started seeing him about 2 times a week and spending the night even though I wanted to see him more he always had an excuse why we couldn’t get together and I accepted that. My BFF was always suspicious especially since he never took me out to dinner that really bothered her as it should have and she warned me over and over again and I just didn’t listen. I didn’t want to hear it. Stupid girl, stupid girl.
Lessons learned:
1. Make sure a guy courts you and actually takes you out in public. I know this sounds strange to some people and you wouldn’t think this could actually happen but it does and it did to me and lots of other women (you know who you are).
2. If a man has facial creams and nail polish in his apartment and he’s not gay, then there are other women that frequent there. DUH!
3. Looks are deceiving.
4. Listen to your BFF!

 “Not So Top Gun”


I had to work that day it was a Saturday. I went out the night before to look for the perfect dress and nightie I was so excited I could hardly concentrate. My BFF is helping me with the details. So far all he has said is meet me at 8 in the Hotel Room and he sends me the link to the Hotel the night before. It was the same Hotel he took me to to ask me to be exclusive. I suppose he thought it was romantic frankly it was a very seedy Hotel might as well have been a Motel 6.
My BFF sends me with a care package of wine and glasses in a cute picnic basket. She was always so creative I really was so fortunate to have he as my BFF.
I got off work and rushed home to shower and get ready for my big night. I drove to the Hotel with my care package and checked in at the lobby with his Driver’s License that he through in my car a couple nights earlier. They give me the key and direct me where to go. I get to the room and it was on the bottom floor facing the street. NOT GOOD you see I traveled every week for work and I was used to being in really nice Hotels. This was totally unacceptable so I went to the lobby and demanded another room. They gave me a new room on the 8th floor that was better but still not very nice. I mean, he could have spent some money and got a suite at least but as I find out much later he was a real cheap A$$. I called him to let him know the new room number. Thinking about it now he probably stopped by the lobby to check and make sure he didn’t get charged anything extra for the new room.
I got dressed in my nightie and opened the wine I was nervous and needed the wine for courage meanwhile constantly on the phone with my BFF giving her the details.
He knocked at the door at 8. I answered the door we drank and had a wonderful time. I was in la la land for sure. In the morning we awoke and he didn’t even offer to buy breakfast he jumped in the shower and he was we were out the door. He walked me to my car and we said goodbye for now.
I was in love (or so I thought)
Lessons learned
1. Make sure the Hotel is suitable to your taste. It is a reflection of what’s to come if he skimps on the Hotel room and breakfast.
2. Listen to your BFF.
3. Get to know the guy really well before you commit to a sexual relationship.
4. If you drop a dead moose on the guy’s doorstep he won’t want it because the thrill of the chase is over.
5. Looks are deceiving.

Not Joe-Exciting


I met him on POF. Chatted online a few times back and forth. He asked for a meeting and I agreed. He actually suggested we go to a place he is familiar with which is about 25 miles from my house that I am not familiar with? What ever happened to chivalry? Shouldn’t the guy come to me is what I thought so my inner gut feeling came out and I suggested a nice place 5 minutes from my house with an ocean view of the Marina. He then replied back with a “let’s keep it casual”… So, I replied back it is super casual you will like it and then he agreed although I believe it was reluctant I mean of course he is going to want to go somewhere close to his house where he is comfortable… duh! Honestly I believe now looking back that the place I picked was too fancy and he thought it would cost a fortune for a cocktail. I even ate dinner before I left so I was not even expecting appetizers… I just had a feeling about him and it wasn’t good.
Honestly, this guy really didn’t excite me so if he had refused to come to me I simply would have just passed on the whole thing. My gut instinct was telling me to cancel all day but I didn’t want to be rude and I knew he was looking forward to it so I went ahead and got ready.
He text me 5 minutes before I was supposed to be there said he went into the place and it was too crowded no seats which I find that hard to believe the bar is huge and so what if you have to stand for a few minutes until a seat becomes available. This puts pressure on me because now I have to think of a plan B. I asked him to meet me in front of the bar and he did and he greeted me with a handshake which is so NOT THE NORM these days everyone hugs right?
He actually looked exactly like his photos but he gave me a weak handshake which is not a good sign. So, here I am wanting to go into the place I picked but he obviously didn’t want to so I decided right then and there that there really was not a spark of interest on my part so I suggested Claim Jumper a family restaurant across the street from where we were. He agreed and I proceeded to tell him he is more than welcome to follow me in his car and he insisted he could find it. I drove to the place and waited out front about 15 minutes which it took me about 3 minutes to drive, park and walk to the front so I KNOW he got lost… so finally he comes walking up and it was busy too but that’s Claim Jumper and it was Friday night so I assured him there would be seats in the bar and of course there was so we sat down.
I knew I would need a strong drink to sit there with mister exciting so I ordered a Long Island Iced Tea and he had to say a remark about it and how strong it was. Now, why does he have to say anything at all? I mean he ordered a Corona and I never said a word about it. It is just irritating I am an adult and over 21 and can drink what I want and I don’t need any flack about it from anyone.
We made small talk and he acted cool as a cucumber I mean I believe if the restaurant caught fire while we were there it still wouldn’t get a rise out of him. I can only imagine being married to a guy like that my life would be so boring. (Been there done that not going through that again) I need a guy that actually breathes and challenges me not just sits there with no expression at all. After he finished his beer (even before I finished my drink) he says Ok thanks for coming out and it was nice to meet you. HUH? It was a whole 30 minutes and I hadn’t even finished my drink yet…. Whatever I got up from my seat so fast I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I kind of think he was a cheap ass and just didn’t want to pay for another drink.
He walked me to my car and I leaned in and gave him a hug goodbye out of the kindness of my heart. We said goodbye and that was that.
Lesson learned
1. Always meet close to your own house where YOU are comfortable because it is the right thing to do for the man to come to you.
2. Go with your “gut” feeling and listen to it if it is telling you that something isn’t right then something isn’t right save your precious time spending an hour to get ready when your instinct is telling you not to go.
3. Worst case if things don’t go well, always have a place to go after your date because after all at this point you are all dressed up with nowhere to go so may as well meet with friends then you won’t feel like you wasted your night.
Another date tonight with a cowboy now I believe that is going to be a lot more exciting but we’ll see. To be continued…..

 Did he really just do that?”


After date 3 he calls the next day. Mind you, every time he wants to get together I have to work all day and at the time I was working early shifts 5am-2pm. I would go home, take a nap, tend to the teenagers and then take a shower and get ready hair and makeup to go out. It’s a process that I am not sure men really understand how long it takes to get ready for a date. It’s a pain in the A$$ really it is. It takes a lot of time and energy for us ladies!
Anyway, he wants to get together again the next evening and meet at the Hotel again by his house and he wants to know if I am free on Saturday night and if he can have me the entire evening…. Well, I don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out exactly what he wants. So, I say “Yes” of course I wanted to be with this guy as much as possible so I was very excited.
I agreed to see him the next evening I believe it was a Thursday and I drove to the Hotel by his house again and met him there. I know what you’re thinking by this time why haven’t I been invited to his apartment?? I was thinking the same thing and my BFF was questioning my decisions and I was listening to her but was going to do what I wanted anyway. BIG MISTAKE!
We had a drink and then he tells me he made reservations at a Hotel for Saturday night for our all night date but he wouldn’t tell me where it was a surprise… I have to tell you this guy was so charming and handsome he had me right where he wanted me I was so stupid and naïve. I never even questioned what he was doing on the nights I didn’t see him I mean why even ask? After all, he said we were dating exclusively and so that was that I took him for his word.
So, he walks me to my car and we drive down the same street on our way home. He motions to me to unroll my window and so I do and he throws his driver’s license into my car! What the??? I can’t believe he just did that he must REALLY trust me I thought.
Meanwhile my BFF was at home and by the way was a happily married woman who I worked with and she always had my back… My BFF was doing some checking on Match.com and even though I had hidden my profile because I was dating exclusively he was still on there? And active within 24 hours it said… Interesting I thought I have to find out about this but not until after my weekend date.
Lesson learned:
1. If you are too tired and worn out to go on a date don’t do it. Go out when it is convenient for you. Actually the guy will respect you more because he sees you value yourself and you will become more of a challenge to him.
2. If you drop a dead deer on the guy’s doorstep he won’t want it because it takes all the fun out of the hunt.
3. Really get to know someone a lot better before you decide to get intimate. Emotions take over and you lose all sense of common sense.
4. Listen to your BFF!
5. If a guy says you are exclusive and he is still showing active on a dating site, something is wrong... Really wrong…
6. If it doesn’t make sense it’s because it’s not right or it’s not true.

 “Date 3”


After our second date he called me again the very next day. He wanted another date and this time he was going to drive to me so I said OK. Honestly, if he would have wanted me to drive to him I would have… So, his idea is to meet at the Holiday Inn at the bar for a drink. It was about 1 mile from my home which was nice so I agreed.
We met the next evening I think it was a Tuesday… I dressed up and met him in the front of the hotel. We went inside to the bar and ordered our drinks. We talked and he told me how much he likes me and is attracted to me and then he says “I want to start dating you”…And the first words out of my mouth were “Exclusively?” and he replied “Yes”.
I was so excited I wanted to pee my pants! Of course I said “Yes”…
We finished our drinks and he walked me to my car and we said goodnight.
Lesson learned:
1. Get to know a guy a lot longer before you commit to exclusive

Erik-Consiable Distances


Long distance love? IS there such a thing and can it work? I met a guy on Match.com. He emailed me first and he lived about 150 miles away. He shared a lot of the same values that I did. We talked on the phone and I thought we really had a connection.
His 3 kids lived close to me and he came down every other weekend to visit them he said. I thought GREAT I think this could work knowing that my schedule was very flexible and I could drive to him on his off weekends… As a woman we always think and plan these things out… It in our DNA we can’t help it!
We spoke on the phone every morning and evening and as the time went by he came to visit his kids several times but he NEVER made time to meet me in person. Mind you this guy was GORGEOUS according to his photos. He even took his profile down (or so I thought) later to find out he conveniently put it off and on the entire time we were involved long distance…
I thought it was unusual he wouldn’t take time to meet me so I started being unavailable (According to my favorite book “Why Men Love Bitches” this is supposed to work and it did) and sure enough all of a sudden he wanted to meet me in person. He only had to drive an hour from his house as I was going to meet him half way. He set up the date and we even spoke the day of the meeting in the morning.
I got all gusssied up and he texted me about an HOUR before I was set to leave to meet him and said “we could not meet and he was sorry but we live too far apart”?? HUH?? You come down to see your kids all the frickin time and this is your excuse we live too far away????? After all the talking and sharing photos on the phone for over two months? UGH! I believe I just answered him “UNBELIEVEABLE” and left it at that. My heart was broken for about two months after that… What a waste of time…..
Moral of the story… If the person does not want to meet in person within the first week of talking on the phone RUN before you get too involved and your heart gets broken… And for the ladies read the book “Why Men Love Bitches” it will make you feel empowered and a whole lot better…

Dear John


Dear John,
Thank you for contacting me on POF. I thought you were extremely handsome and very quick witted which I appreciated so much that I drove to your work for our first meet and greet. You told me you were the Manager so I thought that was an acceptable position to have at such a swanky night spot.
When I got there you greeted me outside but only one thing, I am 5’6 and with my 4 inch heels that made me a clear 5’10. You said in your bio that you were 5’11. (Ladies, when a guy says he is under 6 foot it usually means they are not being truthful about their height). I have only met one guy who was actually 5’11. Dear John when you hugged me you were shorter than me….. What’s up with that???
Anyway, that didn’t throw me off (well maybe a little) I should know better my taste is for taller men anyway so my bad…
Dear John you took me to the bar and found me a place to sit. Not sure what it was with you or me but I tried to make a good impression besides I thought you were extremely good looking and very personable but ZERO. No sparks on either side… By the way the REAL manager came by several times… LOL
I stayed an hour plenty of time for you to ask me out again or even ask me for a drink after your shift but nothing so, after an hour I told you I was leaving and you walked me to my car and paid for my valet which was extremely nice. On my way home I sent you a text thanking you for being a gentleman and you politely said I was welcome. It is now the next day and I have not heard anything from you so I guess it wasn’t a love match… Time to go fishing….
Lesson learned? It’s not always going to be a match even if you think it might be. Don’t go out of your way too much but always be ready to take a chance because you never know….